#128: We ALL Tried To Suck It...Who's With Me?

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Speaker 1: Start uf dot up, start Up Brooklyn. By start Up Brooklyn buys start Data. They're making noise data dot up. It's just really episode one of the Brooklyn Boys podcast. I think it is. I don't know what day people are gonna hear this because it's Saturday night, and I have a feeling you may fall asleep. I mean one I really did. We were one eight. But I'm getting ahead of myself somehow, well, you know what I can easily look, But I know I really thought we were one eight, you know, much like the days of the week while you're in quarantine. That's what I said. I really thought it was. You know, but we're having the same problem in quarantine if you think about it, right, because you don't know a day of the week it is anymore. I labeled the file. I'm looking right at it as I'm recording, and it does. Name of the file is the Brooklyn Boys. And yet in my head I was thinking, I feel I feel like we gotta start up, start up again, because it's you want to start up again. I'm gonna start up start up, all right. Let let me let me start up start up. No no, no, no, no, no no up. We're gonna we air all of our mistakes. Brooklyn buys up dat up they making noise data. Come on right, Episode one eight. Are you sure it's the Brookn Boys podcast? Yeah, alright? Recording this on a Saturday night in Quarantine, where we've been for the past seven weeks. This is how Scary used to spend all his Saturday nights just doing nothing. Yeah, nothing's changed for you. Well, I'll tell you what I did today. And I don't know if I should have done this, but I went outside and I went out to meet a buddy of mine. Living in Wisconsin now where you can just go outside. What are you doing? Yeah, imagine that went outside for a sandwich. When I walked, Well, that makes sense. I could see you doing that, and and then I went to go We're like, where are we gonna eat this? Because everything's closed? So I sat. We we went to go to the park. I went to like the the grass, the grassy knoll, we have one of those in Hoboken. Sat on the lawn across from each other. But I was wearing shorts, and little did I realize that I have no sun block on, so I burned my knees. My knees are burning up right now in the side of my neck. Yeah. That's not smart, not smart at all. You know what, though everybody's so worried about the coronavirus, you forget about the sun. The right the Earth is a dangerous place, my friend. Yeah, I know. So if the corona don't get me, the sun will, the sun will That's what I'm thinking. Yeah, people, he has to get into this podcast. Thank you too. See Mick Yo on Twitter, he uh tweeted at at us. Hey, guys, I got that quarter with the double bat on it, the two bats that are on the tails of the quarter. If you didn't know they're making I guess the series of quarters and the tails happened to be fruit bats. And if you don't know that, then you haven't been listening in order. So Chris found the quarters. He ordered them. They're in plastic, and he says, I ordered a couple for you guys too, So thank you. He ordered them. He remembers us talking about them, and here, so we will have our both, both of us will have our commemorative commemorative quarters with the fruit bats on the tails. Brodie, that's awesome, that's awesome. You're happy about that? Or yeah, I'm excited I got a free coin. Although Romo S S J five Uh sent me a picture on Twitter of the bat quarter and he said, would you call that ironic or is it a coincidence at the same time as it both? So I said, no, it's it's really just coincidence that there's a bat on the quarter. It would be ironic if the person who designed the back quarter was bitten by a bat and died, that would be irony. That would be irony, right, or if the quarter fell on the right if the guy we we speculated the coronavirus came from a bat, and here we are in and that happens to be the Tales of But we now learned that it's actually a fruit bat and they're doing a series of natural wildlife parks and that happens to be the American Samoa fruit bat. That's their contribution. It just so happened to land in the year so uh. But I don't understand why he had to send away for them. I mean, they're in plastic and all, like from the Franklin Mint or one of these companies. I mean, can't you just like like go to the bank and get them I mean no, I don't think the bank stocks back quarters, but they made a lot of them. Yeah, but I don't think they're out there in circulation. They're not gonna go here. People listening to this podcast that if they look at open up. Hey, if you're listening to this podcast, open up, open up your wallet or whatever. Take the change out of your pockets and send it to us. Yes, send it to us, but look at the tails. Let us know you have one of the quarters with the fruit bat. I don't know, well, you are obsessed with the fruit bat. I have to say with the quarters, I'm done with it. That's all I The only reason I brought it up is because Chris tweeted at us that he's sending them to us. So thank you, Chris. We promised, and we're gonna do it. This episode about you essen your own Day, we're going to talk about that. I don't want to because I'm done. I'm over I'm over it. I'm over it. Okay, you I just said it was a statement I made on the Big Show a couple of weeks ago, and everyone's jaw hit the floor until literally I just said that at one point or another in life, in your life when we were kids. You were kids. Yeah, we're kids boys discovering our own body. We at one point tried to suck our own dicks. I'm gonna say it. I said it once. There it is, we tried to We're like, let's see how let's see how close I can get and and a lot of people agreed that or admitted to it. Now, if you don't admit to it, I think you're a liar. But apparently there are people out there who haven't. But I, for one, tried when I was a kid once. Okay, you just said this. I know most a lot of kids have done it. You just said this, people out there, well, we were haven't done We tried it. But you also said anyone who says they didn't do it as a liar. So which is it well or isn't denial or like I blocked that part out of my my my memory. Okay, So the first question, would we all did stupid things as kids? Right? Stupid things is playing with fireworks when when you were too young to be playing with fireworks. We look, we're talking about now we're doing crazy TikTok tent TikTok challenges. This was the TikTok challenge. Before the TikTok challenge, before there was TikTok, people would challenge ringing each other in real life to do stupid things or try things. So what I'm saying is this falls under that category of just stupidity. So as a lick cock challenge. Okay, so a tick cock yet challenge? Lick a lick cock? Yeah, So so riddle me this. Did you Were you able to do it? Now? How hard did you try? Not flexible? I was not flexible, But I I wanted to know what would you do? You've been trying to every every week in his podcast. We're trying to get to this. You're trying to get me to talk about this topic on this podcast. Okay, what I want to know is what would you What would you have done if you could have like, well, I don't know. I think it was more of just like is this possible? Yeah? But no, order to see if you can old joke. The old joke is, well I never leave the house. But here's my question. In order to see if you could do it. The only way to know if you could do it is to do it. It's are you had to be prepared to do it. Correct. I guess, yeah, I didn't do it in front of anybody, but I understand what the mindset was. I'm gonna see if I can do it. If you were able to do it, you would have done it. Is that what I'm hearing. I don't know. I don't know what I would have done if I got there. You know, you didn't think I couldn't have done it, So you don't have to be you don't have to be double jointing. I mean, look at look at people, you know, if you go you know, I'm not looking at people. I don't want to see that the circus and people that you know are very bendy and stuff that you know that think that those people tried it. I think those people tried it. The sord Swallowers, I'm sure can no the ones that are the ones that are like you know, they're they're bendy and flexible and they scary. I would imagine. Is it the circus. I would imagine we've seen acts like, oh my god, I don't think you need to be a circus freak, but I think those people have definitely tried it. Okay, I don't think that just because they're able to do it, makes them willing to want to do it, you know what I mean? Like I think any guy that doesn't have a gut can do it. I just have not. I can. I've never tried it. No, I know I can't even I can't come close. First of all, I'm a flexible. Second of all, I'm Jewish. So they're gonna happen. That's a lose lose right there, proposition. I listen, we don't have to have this conversation. It's fine. But then you tweeted about it as well. You tweeted about it last week. You said something, you said something about I forgot what you said. You you said a friend of yours did it. That's what you said. You said a friend of yours, And I said, you mean you? All right, whatever, dude, it's fine. By the way, I'm on a group chat right now on and my phone is blowing up because in thirty minutes, some of the old crew from the radio station back in the day, crew have together on a zoom room of them, all of them all. Because these are the guys we talked about is on the radio. These are the guys who got together like four months ago, and you guys all went out for dinner for steak, I might point out, And again I wasn't invited. And some of those guys, some of those guys I hired, Yes you did. Now old school crew, they've moved on to other things, and occasionally they'll get together for steak dinners and they invite you, but they invite you but not me. So I say, f them, well tonight, Brandon, part of all those guys, I liked them all very much, but f them all. Right. But you here's the thing, Brodie, you didn't You wouldn't want to be a part of this. What they're doing is tonight they're conducting a virtual steak dinner at UH in a zoom room. And this is remember last week we talked about how zoom birthday parties inviting thirty people not so much. It's oh, it's chaos. People are either sitting there or talking over each other and that's the end of the zoom room. And people like five minutes and I'm out right, okay. This is where I think zoom rooms have gone too far. Zoomers have gone too far because you invite twenty people who you normally go out and socialize with and again we normally have these steak dinner episodes where when we go out to dinner together and every couple couple of times a year, and and now we're taking that to the computer screen because we can't do it in person. Right our states haven't opened up yet, so we're not doing it. So now we're so they're they're going back and forth, Hey are you guys making sides? Are you guys doing uh Like, I'm like, wait a second, are we really doing this? Are we're just talking about? Was this a joke? Which is hypothetical? It was one of those things that look good on paper because we went overboard. It's one thing to go into a Zoom room for happy hour brody to have a drink, but it isn't another thing to do. Like okay, now, like my girlfriend who said, hey, maybe next week you, me and a couple of friends could go have brunch at one o'clock on Zoom. What do you mean go have brunch? First of all, you come gabled eggs in front of my computer. No, that's a bit much. That's where aren't they doing? Like zoom restaurant backgrounds? Now where you could you could put the backgrounds your favorite restaurants and make it look like you and your partner, or like you and your significant other, or at the restaurant because you sit at a at a table and you look at her in the zoom room, or or he and they look at you in the zoom room, and it looks like you're both in the restaurant. I mean, that's what it's come to, except well except I might point out in Wisconsin, where there people are just going out like you know, but not here, not here in New Jersey. Well, well, it's gotten so crazy that that they're now they're now literally texting pictures in the group chat of the steaks that they're cooking, like they're they've already gone to cook, They've heated up their ovens or their barbecues, their grills, whatever. Um. Needless to say, we're doing this podcast and I'm sitting here in my fucking underwear and my steaks are in the freezer. And I haven't even begin to this frust them because I thought it was you know, I was calling gonna call their bluff, like you guys alreadating steak. I'm just coming in here to hang out. One guy has a picture of a Ruth's Chris bag with a receipt on it in the passenger seat. So this guy went to go to Ruth's Chris to pick up the steak. They're gonna this, dude, in a half hour, they're gonna sign on on Zoom and they're gonna do this. They're gonna eat steak. That's uh. I mean, how desper today for a companionship at that point. But I don't know. But where do you draw the line? I draw the line there. No, I draw the line at brunch. I draw the line of people saying, let's go for brunch. You can't go for brunch. You can't go for brunch in a zoom room. That's that's already a bit much. But ideas everybody cooks their own and sits in front of their computer and what and and watches each other eat on camera while talking. And it's just like you talk with your mouthful. You're just sitting there chewing steak. Yeah, I'll tell you what. And you can't pass you can't pass the sides. It's like you can go past the potatoes. So what if someone else has potatoes, You're not potatoes. I know. Yeah, it's it's just not right. I don't know. I feel first of all, I feel weird eating in front of people on a screen. Okay, you have never been shy about eating in front of people, honestly, but if someone put a good food in front, work area is not exactly ideal to eating anything. So are you gonna join this steak? Are you gonna do what? You're gonna tell them they're all weird or you're gonna make up some other excuse. Well, I'm gonna say I'm gonna be late. I'll say I'll join you guys at dessert. I might. I'm gonna say I'm gonna pop in for a little bit. But okay, do you have dessert? Are you? Are you prepared with dessert? Because if you're gonna drop into dessert, you have to have dessert. Have a couple of chocolate bars in my freezer. You can't. You can't just sit there and not have dessert while they're having dessert. Well, that's why it's awkward. Maybe make myself a cup of coffee and what if dr fat loss again? Hey, hit hit the jingle? Hit it hit it? Why? Because you just worked it in. You didn't have to say that. You could have just said you're on a diet that, I mean your third quarter of scary. At this point you're not even close to going back to him. And what if you're a vegetarian scary? Can you not go for for steak quarantine dinner? Can you not eat like a beyond steak? And by the way, this whole beyond steak thing, beyond burger, you don't like beyond meat, beyond burger. They Oh, they've taken up an entire freezer in the They need they need to rename it be The word beyond means it's better. Then beyond means it's everything that you like in a steak, but better. It needs to be not quite a steak. It needs an opinion. It needs to be that it's so good you don't even know the difference. It's that it's not called similar steak. It's not a similar burger. It's not it's not even close burger. It's you know what it is. It's all this will do burger. That's what they should call it. It'll do well. You can't have staked. Oh, this is great for a but you can you can plan beyond beyond your wildest imagination. You this taste is so much like a burger that it's beyond comprehension. It can't be what you're chewing and tasting is not is plant based, Okay, then it needs to be. Then it needs to be equal to a burger. It can't be better than a burger. If your goal was to have a burger, a burger is what I want. If I'm not gonna eat a burger and I'm gonna substitute something, it can't be better than the burger, because then you should just call it something else. If it's better than a burger, then you should just call it a something else, a mushroomer, a planter, making its own thing. Then people will strive for that. That feel like going to sell packages of meat there, Brodie, That's that's like calling a car beyond a Porsche. If it's better than a Porsche, give it its own name. A fake Porsche is not better than a Porsche. But I gotta say I've had beyond beat. Yeah, I had beyond beef. I've had it all. And I know you you tried to have You tried to have beyond meat when you were a kid, but you weren't flexible enough. But it was beyond me. That's right. It was just beyond the reach of me, just beyond Yes. Oh, so I had an idea with these virtual with these virtual meetups. Okay, let's have an update. Oh no, oh no, no, bro I owe Brody a steak dinner allegedly, even though I tried to repay him twice. But listen to the episodes and judge for yourself. Well, so, so I figured I would do something for you, Brodie. I don't like where this is going, but go ahead, Okay. I figured in these quarantine times, in these unprecedented times, unprecedented, these unprecedented times, I can I can take my I can go online. I can go to one of these state companies. I can order you a full steak dinner. I could send it to your house. I'll send one to my house and we could do a virtual zoom steak dinner. How about that, Brodie? Did I lose you? A fucking kidding me? Hello? Wait? Wait wait? Did I lose you? Or or with that's just a pregnant pause. I have a better chance of getting pregnant than agreeing to this deal. You will do anything to get out of having steak dinner with me and pay it for it and pay for hold on if, hypothetically, if I was to by a steak dinner, send it to your house first of all, as a state to my house, not the same time at my money is coming. My money is coming out of my pocket, and and you I am. Remember you said in order for to count, I need to suffer a monetary loss, and that was the reason why when we got it for free that night at the end, when the bill came in it was zero, it didn't count, right, right, So if I suffer a financial loss of of a decent proportion and I send you, remember the other thing is it couldn't be a steake lunch. The time of day and the time invested needed to be there. So I'm checking that box. So I'm checking the price box, I'm checking the time investment box. And then you also said that it had to be a dinner, not a lunch, so I could be dinner for coming, right, So so everything seems to be covered, and we're staring at each other over a screen, and we're eating our steak dinner the way my friends are doing in about it twenty minutes now in the Zoom Steak dinner room, Okay, so you've you've put your presentation on the table. You have, you have put your argument out there. That was time for the defense. What was really it was the quality time invested. So if I'm going to quality has spent two hours of quality time? Course by course? Is you over a computer? Okay? Okay, So the last time we tried the last time we tried this, we went to a restaurant, right, we spent the time, and you didn't pay, right, Okay. I tried to pay and the bill came out zero because they recognized I recognize this. You said, Hey, I'm Scary Jones from the Elder strand they recognized you. Yeah, they write you wore a hat that said into the episode. People who judge for themselves, they're smart. Continue, there are slices. Go. So this time, what you're trying to do is pay the money, right, Except we're not gonna spend time in a restaurant, no ambiance, and you're asking me to cook my own dinner. I have to go no, no, no, no. What if we cut that out and I send you Ruth's Chris to your house, or I send you the steak the steak restaurant of your choice to your house, because let's face it, everybody's delivering now, so you could have You could pick any steak you want from any place. Get over because I can't get you don't have to worry about cooking. Man, Brodie, I can't get Manhattan steak to live it to my house in New Jersey. I can't do that. You're saying, there's not one restaurant in New Jersey. There are steak There are excellent steaks worthy of of you, counting this towards the state dinner repayment, there are excellent steak houses in New Jersey. Okay, then, so I failed to see the problem. But like let's say, let's for instance, Roots Chris. One of the great things about Ruth's Chris is they put the steak on a on a metal skillet with butter, and it's sizzles when they bring it to your Taking excuses, now, Brodie, I'm saying, I don't want to You don't want this steak dinner. I want a steak dinner. I will wait till the till till the uh the pandemic is over, which if I if I listen to the scientists, is about four years from now. So I'll wait, Brodie, I'm okay once again to the slices. I'm trying to make it. I'm trying to make this right. Okay, you know, try to make it right twice. Now, you know, had you yet, had you open with this, I would have thought about it. But you already gave me a bunch of reasons why it's moronic when you told me your friends were doing it. Okay, it's moronic for twelve people to try and do this in tandem. But you and I, just the two of us having dinner over the computer. I feel like that's different. I'm not doing that. That's not that's that's not. Let's go out. Attention is my undivided attentions on you, and your undivided attention is on me. I believe. I believe the deal was take me to steak dinner. Right to believe that the deal was you're gonna take me out for steak dinner. You cannot buy me a steak dinner in my own house. But I have a question for you. I have a question for you. Food related. Yeah, food related. When you when you go to um, let's say, Kentucky Fried Chicken or Popeye's Fried chicken, and you you buy mashed potatoes. A lot of times they give you a plastic spork. Right, Yeah, the spark is a brilliant invention, is it not? Of course it is. Have you ever been in your house and you're like, you want to eat fried rice and you know that proper etiquette says use a fork, but you want to use the spoon. But when you're growing up, your parents were like, don't shovel the food into your mouth, use a fork. But when no one's around, you grab a spoon and you shovel the fried rice into your mouth. And when you're at a table with people, hopefully use a fork. Yes, wouldn't you like a spark at that point? So you get a metal sport? That's my point. Metal sports them, they make them, they're on Amazon. I'm wondering why they don't have metal sparks with like did like when you buy like a setting for like you buy like a place setting, table settings. Why isn't fork, spoon, the two side spoons right, give your tea spoon and the tables right, So you get the tea spoon and tablespoon, you get the salad fork and the big fork. You get the knife right, sometimes you get um a second, I guess you sneak knife. I'm set and sometimes remember remember the grapefruit spoons. They had a little serrated edge on the side, so you use the side of the spoon to cut right. Okay, are you proposing they add the metal sports. Yes, freedom for the sparks, metal sparks. I'm going on Amazon tonight. I put a note in my phone already, I'm buying a metal spark because it's gotten metal sports with kids and people who just don't know how to eat. Hold on, you don't associate metal sports because nobody has them. You associate plastic sparks plastic sports. Okay, don't you remember that will translate to metal because it's the same idea. If don't you remember being being in high school or junior high school and getting getting to like the turkey roll sandwich. That was their way of saving money. It's like, we don't want to give you a spoon and a fork the sports. No, they gave you this. It saves them the money. On the plastic, they gave it in half. They gave it a spaky fee or the spakife. It had the sharp end of the knife on the side, it was, it was the it was the the spork, it was all three. I just think it's a brilliant idea. How about how about chopsticks with prongs on the end so you could use them at forks if you wanted to. Doesn't that take away the entire idea, the culture of it, all, the tradition. Well that's my point, man, you're eating with sticks. I mean that's an ancient Japanese tradition is to eat right. So as you know, I tried that once when I was a kid, tried eating your own award it. Just listen to the beginning of podcast. You know how I feel about chopsticks, man, they're they're they're they're not they're not technologically advanced, and people just use them to be bougie. They do they don't. They use them to be traditional because certain things are worth keeping around. Why do we keep all these holidays? Come on, Brody, you're the king of that, Okay, So why don't we send smoke signals to people instead of using phones. Chopsticks are the smoke sticks of silverware. They are They're just they're just harried away. Well, then sports, sports are the advanced sports and for kids. Sports is just nostalgia. It's like, you know what, if I bought sports, they would be something kitchy that I would keep around for parties. I'd be like, guys, I got some sports those tonight, Like it wouldn't there's nothing classy about a spork. What's what's classy about? What's classy about any silverware? I don't know. I just judge people. Why judge you? If you put out sports and I'm in a let's say we're at a okay, what if there We'll say I'm aout your house and I'm sitting down to a proper dinner that's never gonna happen, but go ahead, and it's a proper steak dinner. Looks okay? And I'm there and I see a sport at the setting, I judge you. I'm like, this is a little trashy. A spoon with all you need is like if that's not okay? If kid, and I'm not trying to be bougie here, and I know some people are rolling their eyes right now listening to it's like, come on, scary, but but it's just not you know, it's not traditional. It's not something that you would expect so why not. It's a joke maybe, but it works a bunch of people in your functional game on a Sunday functional e sports, Let's have some mac and cheese. Like there's certain food that you would eat with the sport, like maybe mac mac and cheese because you want to you want to spike some of the macaronis. It falls off right, So maybe something casual like that. Okay, but to put it in your place setting at a formal dinner about that, I think it'd be great, like a passover for the mats of ball soup. You break it with the with the side of the spoon. You could take a piece of the mats of bault pick it right up with the sport. There's no there's no splash. You don't have to worry about having too much soup and making that sound. You spork it up, baby, you know what. I tried to do that once again. You couldn't when I was a kid. You couldn't swept the date, you couldn't reach your fat best that you couldn't bend. I wonder if there's people who lose weight just so they can do that, Like like they just I'm gonna start doing sit ups and work out. With that in mind. We gotta stop coming back to that topic and we we erase the board the blackboard and start over. Does it make you bisexual? Good question? Like if you s a D, if it's your own D, let me ask you. This doesn't count. You said you said you wouldn't ask your day. You just wanted to see if you could. I wanted to see if I could. No, I don't have a desire to. I just wanted to see if it was possible. Yeah, but if it was possible, you I have you know you would do it to see what it was like, because at that point in your life, I'm assuming nobody had done that. Boy, I think I'd be like, Okay, that's it, I'm good now. I think at that point in your life no one had previously asked your day. I wouldn't stop. You think I would just keep going. I don't know. I don't know. I again, I never was able to even think about or contemplate doing it. I could barely touch my toes. And by the way, if you've done it, please don't tweet us. I don't I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I'm not putting up a poll. I don't think anybody would admit to it. Oh, I think people would admit. There are people admit anything. There are people admit to anything. No, all right, what's the most embarrassing thing you've done? As you did as a kid you now regret or not regret or you just be like, oh my god. I tried to block that out. I don't know. Let us know. Oh oh, listeners, do we really want to know that? Yeah? I think it'll be kind of fun, fun fun. Are we gonna read them? Are we gonna read the them on on the podcast next week? We could? Yeah? Why not before we go to commercial? Because I get the feeling you're itching too. I'm not itching too, but I was about to hit the button. I know you were. I just want to read a tweet from Tricia O. Presty, Hey t LO. She got all excited when we read her name last week, so she contributed again. She tweeted all of us and said, and all of us, I mean you, me and the Brooklyn Boys. She said, forget grammar police, someone call the idiot police. And it's somebody named squall a My tweets and they wrote a kid born in two thousand and ten is now twenty. Just let that sink in. This person who wrote this is bad at math. Just let that sink in. Yeah, this person is like Q is twenty, but a kid born in two thousand ten at this taping of this episode is ten. I should have to explain that to anybody. But thanks, thanks, hit the hit the button with scary and Rody. Um. So what happened to you at Wayfair? This is a long one, man. You'll meant tell you because because I spent You know, if mine was long, then I wouldn't be when I was a kid. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, you're good. I'm good. I've been good. You good? Yeah, I gotta talk about UFOs. Also, can I talk about Wayfair first? Yeah? And Alton Brown tweeted me. You know all Brown is of course food Network. Yeah, he tweeted me. We had we had a oh you know what, it was a stake related thing. Can we talking about that? Because it was stake related? Should I play the steak jingle again? I'll get to Wayfair right after this. But I wanted to talk about Alton Brown because Alton Brown sent out a tweet and our listener Sabrina Wilhelm copied me to it. Alton Brown sent out a tweet and he said, what's your favorite brand of ketchup to eat with your steak? And he said he put up like a drawing of himself, little cartoon drawing of himself, and he said, I'm judging you. So I tweeted him and I said, hey, man, I'm a big fan of you on the Food Network for many years, but I think it's moronic to judge people for putting ketchup on a steak, because who who is the grand Pooba, the grand lawmaker of food that's said a tomato based product can't be on a piece of a cow that was cooked like it doesn't make any sense to me. And so I said, you're you're you're you're an expert when it comes to food, but you're not the You're not the law. You're not the judge of what's good and what's not good. I like putting catchup on my steak. Now, if I have a fantastic steak from one of the top steakhouses in the world, I might eat a third of it or a half of it without catching the way I will judge you for I I judge people catch up on steak. We know this, and and I'll break your fucking head if you put really okay, but understood, but judge. But here's the thing you wrote to Alton Brown. Hold on, bougie, you'll allow me to put steak sauce on a steak because somebody in your life told you that combination of foods and fluids is okay, but my combination of foods and fluids is not okay. And speaking of which, you tried a combination of food in fluence but you couldn't reach it. Okay on that again, you wish you were back on that again, you haven't been on it yet. So Alton Brown tweeted me and he said, I was honestly joking. One of my great pleasures is to dip slice cold strips of steak, uh leftover steak and catch them. So Alton Brown and I shared a moment, and so there we go. So I wanted to say, all Brown, that cool. My opinion though, is that as Brodie was alluding to, that if if a steak is so damn good and it is such great quality beef, usually it will see it will speak for itself. It doesn't need any steak, sauce or anything on top of it. Well, let me ask you a questions. Sometimes sometimes sometimes you go to these places and they put they put a one time, I saw a shop hole. Would you like a shop hole on your steak? And on the other side, what that hat? Shop poe is French for hate? I saw that, So they well, you don't know a chap I said that chapeau is a hat? Is what they put a hat on it? Yeah, it's French for hat and and and that's in the literal sense. But then there was a list of just there was a list of like parmesan reggiano, h like mushroom, mushroom, truffle. This. That's there's like seven or eight chapos. So what they do is when the steak is three quarters of the way done, they put said shop haul on your steak, and they put it back in the oven and bake it and continue they put it under the broiler. Now, I love a good piece of Palmesian reggiano. I fucking love it. It's my favorite cheese. I love palmeer Gian reggiano cheese and things like it. They're really strong, dry cheese. So you're gonna put that on a steak, that's great, But I don't think you need to do anything to steak period. What about that, whether it be catchup or whether it be steaks shop Paul, what okay for is the ball If they just put the cheese on, you'd pay a third of the price. But the fact that they're calling it a shop all means you're playing a lot of money. That's what that means. Yes, it does. You're paying for the name. Charge you right, that's supposed to come higher profit. Just come and go, hey, you want some cheese on that ship that that's like, that's like four dollars. Throw some cheese like steak paw Majan that's four, that's five bucks. You want a chap ho that's thirteen. My point to you, who was you go to a fan that one of the fanciest restaurants out there and they have a shop hole section. So so it's like I can't catch up or steak sauce or a shop hole I've heard. My personal opinion was that I don't think you need a damn thing on steak. Forget about catchup. I'm not I'm not jumping on you for putting ketchup. But I catchup. It's cheap, but I and you're putting cheap with expensive. I just but it's crazy to me that you'd pay all this money for a crazy fancy steak, but yet the fancies of restaurants will encourage you to put ship on it. Well, I know for a fact, that's only one thing you like on your meat, my lips, that's it, you know. I tried that once when I was a kid. I heard that. Yeah, but look if I could put if I could have steak on PAUV, which is a peppercorn sauce, basic, right, then who's the sad I can't have ketch up? That's that's my only point. Yeah, all right, well listen, I have before you get into your long winded rant. And I'm sure we'll take another commercial break before we get to that because it will take up the entire thing. Um. I I did want to bring something up that's it's kind of sad, and it's happening in my life right now. But I just don't know if I don't I don't know if the what happened here is the result of something else. Okay, I'm just gonna be very you don't know this is coming. By the way, we did not plan this in order we ever really talk too much about our own No, I truthfully have no I have no idea what you're talking about. But if it's sad, I'm sorry in advance because so my uh my uncle Joe passed away. I'm sorry. Yeah, And actually tomorrow, tomorrow we're gonna do a very very limited like limited to like five or six people. Um, and I'm part of the immediate family viewing and then that's gonna be it. There's not gonna be a church mass, none of that, none of none of this, no big thing. So this is okay. So, my uncle Joe passed away. He was years old and he was the He was the husband of my aunt Jenny. Oh I told you about you know, that was the whole episode. What do we tell my aunt Millie about aunt? But it was Thanksgiving because it was past the potatoes, your your your friends, your sister in law's death, right, and uh yeah, we eventually told her, by the way about my aunt Jenny. That was the update and never people asked. But so my my cousin Carbine, crazy Carbine. This is members only, jacket members only. I mean, he's mustache again. He's fashionable again because the jackets that he wore in the eighties are back in style. He's got the eighties thin mustache, the eighties jackets. He never stopped wearing this yet. He's throw this guy, you know, he stands online for a club. They'll put him, bring him right to the front, like, dude, you are the man anyway. But I digress so so Unfortunately, because of what's going on with covid um, the funeral home said, hey, it's gonna be about four to five weeks before we can squeeze in up quick viewing. Here. We're really back up weeks. What do you do? Weeks? What do you do with Uncle Joe? And at that time, I don't even I don't want to think about it. That's not where we're going with this conversation. And this is really like if this is really by the way, the way that I handled the grief is to talk about it and kind of get lighthearted a little bit. But I'm not I don't want to go down that road. No, No, I don't know. I wasn't trying to be what do they expect you to do? They have to mean because it's the Catholic tradition, right, very are you know? We we have to look at them. I can't look at them. We have to look at them. I can't. So um, my cousin goes to the funeral director. So they they tell him that. They tell him that when when he called up. But he said, look, I'm gonna go in any way, and I'm gonna try and make arrangements. Maybe something will pop up sooner than four or five weeks. He was hopeful. He goes in and uh, he has to present them with a picture of my uncle in a suit. Now, my my my cousin wanted to do something a little bit more recent. So the only the only picture that they could find of my uncle in a suit was was my uncle and my cousin Carmine and me and my nephew Lucas altogether in a picture at my brother's and my brother's wedding, and it was like three years ago. Brodie. So he gives him the picture. He gives the funeral director. My cousin, Carlmine gives the funeral director the picture and he says, okay, here and he's like, oh, he goes okay, he goes yeah, he goes, yeah, just cut all these other people out, and this is gonna be the picture we'll use um of my uncle Joe in a in a tuxedo. And then the guy's looking at the picture and he goes, heyes, is that Scary Jones? Yeah the wait wait yeah, so I don't so my cousins like, yeah, he goes, that's my that's my cousin. Yeah, scary is my cousin. Right, Yeah, he's gotta get cut out of the picture. To cut him out, cut him out. It's just my uncle. So so he leaves. He goes, okay, thanks, all right, He leaves him with the picture, and then my cousin goes home. And then a couple of hours later, he gets a call from the funeral director and he goes, hey, um, listen, last minute, but we had an opening for the viewing for Sunday. You don't have to wait four to five weeks. Oh my, And my cousin Carmine goes, really, oh my god, that's great. All right, I'm gonna make all the calls whenever. Now, my cousin tells me this story just like this the way I'm telling it to you right now, and and I'm and I'm listening to it. And by the way, my cousin as innocent as the day is long. That's how he left it. He just left it right there, and then we hung up after an hour of talking about other things. But I just couldn't help to think that. And I didn't tell this to my cousin. He still doesn't know that I feel this way. I think the funeral director big fan me the ultimate Scary Jones hook up by being like when he recognized me right after my cousin left the place, he said, I gotta do something for this guy. It's scary Jones cousin. I think he did. I think he hooked it up. I think I looked my uncle Joe up. Actually, you got funeral Joe has got the ultimate send off here, because again, a lot a lot of what's going on. And by the way, how do you have a last First of all, come on, brody, how do you have a last minute opening? I can get you. I squeeze you in on Sunday. People are dying to get these slots. Did someone Undie? Did somebody? You don't cancel the death? I mean, you're you know, there's only so many slots that you know, so many chapels that they have there and so many viewings. You don't really have a cancelation because a dead person is permanent. So yeah, but I would imagine that every appointment that's made is kept. In this case, I'll tell you what. I don't know if it's connected to the story. I'm going to tell you, but a friend of mine their mother in law how to have surgery. They broke their hip and it was pretty bad. And the woman's in her early nineties. She was in a lot of pain, and normally you don't operate at that age because there's too many, too many things can go wrong. But it was such a bad break they had to do the operation. They said, you know what, she should be fine, she's in her nineties, but this is too much pain for her to live with. So they did the operation. She comes out of the operation okay, and then a day or two later, she develops an infection because this is what happens to all people sometimes, and it's bad, and they tell her she's got maybe a day to live with the infection, Oh my god, you better come now. It wasn't COVID, so they could go see her right, and they're like, spend the night because she she's not gonna make it past the night. Well, it's been two weeks and she's getting over the infection, so so they're like, I guess, I guess she's okay. I guess she's gonna guess she's gonna pull through. So maybe they booked the appointment at the funeral home because they were like, oh, mom's dying tonight, and then they canceled. I mean, I mean it's good, it's good. You think people do that. Well, let me ask you question, for two weeks from now, at your funeral, do you think that happens? They have cancelations and funerals now. Look in the Jewish tradition, Barr barring a religious holiday or a Saturday, you you have to bury the person the next day, as soon as humanly possible. You bury them, no viewing funeral boom. Well, if you know that you got like two days, it's good, you're gonna need it, you book it. Especially sadly to say, the way the world is now, funeral homes are all booked up, so you almost have to make an appointment. Good thing your uncle got a hook up from scary Jones on the radio. Do you do you think it was a coincidence or do you think that it was Oh, I think that that that that he tried to hook it up. I don't know. I listen, We'll never know. I'll never ask, you know, because you're gonna really want to share this with my cousin. Really. I mean not that it's a bad thing. I just I'm just it just started to I started connecting the thoughts in my head. But but you know, you want to go up to him and go you're welcome. You know, you want to give a little, a little out of the corner of your mouth. No, it's not who I am anything. I'll look up to the sky and tell Michael Joe for you. I got you yet, I didn't gotta get a hook up. I got you a slot. Didn't that crazy? Easy Listen, it could have been coincidence. I just don't think making reservations for funerals get really get canceled. Well, let me ask you this. I'm gonna squeeze you in unless unless they're just trying to make room. If you, if you if you found out today, like let's say the guy tweeted at you and He's like, hey, man, just want to let you know a hooked up because I'm a big fan. Would you feel guilty for the person that got bumped? Oh my god, Oh my god. Yes, that's not That's not what I'm about. No, that's what I'm saying. So you gotta hope that you didn't get it hook up. I gotta hope. You gotta hope there was a cancelation. No, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, it doesn't work that way. I don't think that they they would have bumped somebody. You think maybe they would hold on a slot for someone they thought it was gonna kick it any minute, and then didn't kick. That's why all kidding aside, I think that's what happened. There was a legitimate cancelation. I mean that's a good thing that I mean, somebody lived. I'm like, I really hope I didn't shove someone aside to be like, hey, I'm scary, I'm coming through with my uncle. But you've used your name that slot out, thank you, because because could you imagine listen, you've used your four weeks right, You've used your name to get through velvet ropes, so you might as well use it to get through the pearly gates, right that is, uh, you know, listen, But no, in no way, shape or form was I did. I want to. I was like, I want to bump somebody, but but it was all on whatever happened unintentionally. I wasn't even there. It's one of the many part of men when one of the many perks of the now listen, I don't want you know, I thought about not talking about this, but I'm like, we talked about everything on this podcast, so why not. I don't care. I'm bringing it out there. Yeah. Yeah, you're laughing because I kind of find a little like you were in a weird, twisted way. I feel like maybe he tried extra hard. Yes, I feel like maybe there was two people that had a chance at the open slot, and he's hoping you'll tweet about it. Well, maybe do an instant story from the funeral. That's what I'm thinking. Not getting social media. No, first of all, it's only gonna be I can't do that. You can't do an insta viewing. Brodie, Oh my god. I think he's just being a good guy. I don't know what. Listen, Maybe I don't want to speculate. I don't know the answer. I don't know this person. I don't know who this person is. Who you are, you're you're you're Scary Jones from Elvis or in the Morning Show. I I don't know. I just laughing because it's like it's just way too bizarre, and I'm uncomfortable now talking about it. You're making you just made it uncomfortable. Thank you, Brodie. Can I can? I? Yeah, let's let's hit the reset. Putton here, because I don't know what else to do. Okay, all right, let's get let's get off your illness and your your your uncle rather and I want to run something by you, and I want to see if you think my wife is right? Can I can I get your opinion on something? Okay? So I want to start off by saying I do not have the virus. Okay, I don't have the virus. But since February, I have been having headaches. I don't know if I've mentioned this on the podcast before, but I've been having sporadic headaches. They feel like sinus infections, like sinus pain above my eyes, my ears, and I get that every winter I get at least one sinus infection. So I went to see my primary care physician and he said, you know, uh, you know what. I it doesn't seem like you have a sinus infection. But um. He gave me a Z pack that didn't work, which normally works. My sinus medication didn't work, which normally does. He said, you should really see an ear nose and throat doctor. So I went to the E E. N T. And he said, you don't have a sinus infection. You don't have meningitis. I don't know what it is, but you don't have I can't tell what it is. You don't have a sinus infection. So I said, well, you know what, I've been wearing cheap magnifying glasses like eaters they call them that I got like on Amazon. Just when I want to read small print. I'm like, maybe the prescription is not right, So I want to see an eye doctor. They checked my glasses and they said, no, these are fine. They shouldn't be causing you any headaches. So I'm like, well, maybe I have allergies. So I started taking allergy medication and it seemed to be helping a little bit, making me feel better, and it worked most of the time, but after a while it stopped working like it didn't seem to be helping with headaches. So I did a teleconference with a allergist and he made me go for blood work. I went for blood work, came back. I have no allergies, not allergic to anything. Okay. So I met with a neurologist. Neurologist says, you should go get an m R. I So I tell my wife and I said, listen. Uh. The neurologist says, I've exhausted every other possibility. It's possible I might have a tumor. I might have something in my head. I don't. I don't know. She says, you don't have a brain tum you idiot. You probably have stress. I said, what am I stressed about? Well, you know, the kids are home, you're working from home, there's insecurity in the world. There's other things going on in my life. One of my aunts wasn't doing well for a while. I was a little stressed about that, because you have a lot of stress in your life. I said, that's ridiculous. These aren't stress headaches. The allergy medicine seems to work, and it wouldn't work if it was a stress. She's like, well, maybe the medicine makes you feel less stressed because you think it's working. I'm like, oh, you're crazy. So I made the appointment for the m R I. And she says to me, you know when the results come back, you would be the only person that would be happy about having a brain tumor, just so you could be right. And I said, you know what, you're absolutely right. I would come home and I said, I would say to you it wasn't stress, it was a brain tumor. I was right. You should have listened to me. I was right, yes, And I would do the I have a brain tumor dance until it hit me that I had a brain tumor. But my first reaction would be to run home and tell us she was wrong and I was right. So she's right, right, hope, let's hope that she's right and not you. Well, I went for the m R I. Now I don't know if have you have you had m R I s yeah, uh, yes, on my back, not on my brain. Okay, wait a minute. M R I was on your back and you were on your back, No, I was. They wheeled, They kind of rolled me into a tubular machine and analyzed and I got stuff done on my back. I guess they were. They weren't brain. It wasn't a brain. It wasn't on my head. It was for my back, whatever was going on my back. If you can get a m R in your back, maybe I'm using the wrong. Yeah, you can get an m R. And yes, of course yes, and then yes yes they they literally they put me on my back in a machine and I sat there still. Okay, So tubular thing. Many years ago, many years ago, I used to have no problem with m R s. You go in the tube and you and like you know, the tube was like four inches from your face. You can't move your arms. It feels like you're in a coffin. And it used to be not a problem. Then I hit a point in my life where it was a problem. I couldn't do it. So I went for one I don't know, about seven or eight years ago, and it had to be in it and they didn't have any open m R I is available, and I rolled They rolled you in and I'm like, nope, get me the hell out of here. And I'm squeezing a little thing they tell you to squeeze, and I'm like nope, I gotta go home, and I bailed. It's it's the worst feeling, man of being in that tube. And and you can barely hear the music that they put plastic headphones on you so you can hear the music and it sounds terrible because they're plastic headphones. Yeah, so I've got I've done a couple of open m R E s, which are basically it's like you're in between two donuts. Not donuts, you're in between like yeah, like two round disks and there's you know, maybe four inches in front of your face, but the sides are open, which is why they call it open m R I. So if you get it, I have m R I on my elbow, on my shoulder, and you can look to the sides at the rest of the room and you don't feel as claustrophobic. Okay, So I go yesterday to get my m R I and they had to put in contrast you know what that is. They inject you with a die that makes things show up like the white thing shot. It's a more of a contrast everything. The dark things show up darker, the light thing show I don't I'm not a doctor. I'm not a doctor, but you know, so anyway, everything shows up with more contrast, like on your TV, trying to contrast up. So I get that the intravenous in my arm, and they put me in the in the room and they give me a pillow and I lay down on the thing, and I'm like, okay, great, I'll get my head examined, but I'll turn my head to the right. You should have had that. I'll turn my head to the right so I can look out and not feel closetrophobic. So I lay down and they put a cage over your face so that it can take imaging of your head and lock your head into place. So it's so your head is locked in this cage. And then they put you in the m R I and and you have to look straight up and all you can see as a cage on your face, right up against your face, and then the white part of the m R I right outside the cage. So I I tell her, I go no, I'm out, and I've got rolled. They rolled me right out. They rolled me right back out, and they're like, listen, wow, you want to sit here for a minute. Uh, you know, calm down, you know, think about it. I'm like, all right, I'll sit here for a minute. Get this cage off my face. So I'm sitting there, I'm going I'm saying, look, um, I don't think I could do this. I said, I know, I want to see if I have a brain tumor. But I can't do this. She's like, well, we can put you in a closed m R I because it's wider on the sides and it's not as close to your face. I said, but it's closed. Yeah. I think I'm not doing that. No. Yeah, So I said, let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. I said to the nurse, if I chicken out, do I have to pay for the m R I? And she says, well no, I said, great, get this thing out of my arm. I'm at here. I gotta go it. If she had said to me, you gotta pay the money for it, I would have been like, roll me in, baby, cheap bastard. Well, I'm not gonna pay a thousand dollars for an m R. If I'm not doing it, or whatever the cost is. Look at you, all right, So then the result is there is no result. No, But here's the thing she don't wait a second is a bad outcome. I know you didn't get you know you haven't been diagnosed. Well, if I don't have it, if I'm not diagnosed with a brain tumor, then technically I don't know if I have a brain tumor. So I'm gonna go I'm not a brain tumor. However, the way the nurse talked to me, it doesn't make the problem go away just because you were running away from it. Problem still exists. I know that could exist. I know that. Well. Listen, as our president said just two days ago or yesterday, if the reason we have so many cases in this country of COVID nineteen is because we test so much, if we didn't test as much, we wouldn't have so many cases. So therefore, with that logic, if I don't get an m R I for a brain tumor, I don't have a brain tumor. By you gotta get yourself checked out. Man. Come on, But here's such bad advice. I know. But here's what I wanted to say. I've never had this problem, but I've seen it on television enough to know what it sounds like. The nurse who was by the way, very attractive. Are you trying to self diagnosed? No, no, I'm telling you, sush. The woman she's she's sitting next to me. We have she has a mask on. I have a mask on at this point, and she says, I said, I'm terribly embarrassed. I feel I have just I that I I can't do this. I you know, like I'm, I'm I'm I'm not really afraid of I'm afraid of heights, but I'm not really afraid of other things. And uh, you know, I'm not like some you know, Dorcic. I just I don't know, I felt clostrophobic. I just I feel terrible. And so she says, it's okay, sir. You know, it happens to a lot of people. This is You're not the first patient this has happened to, you know, a lot of men. It happens to a lot of Yes, it sounded like she was saying I couldn't get it up. There was it was to say the conversation the way she was like that, Yes, she was like, sir, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. This happens to a lot of people, you know, right, That's what it sounded like. So I'm like, you know what, the way you're making this sound, I'm getting back in that machine. I said, I swear, this has never happened before. And then I realized I was playing into the things she was saying, like no, no, no, no no, no no no. I didn't mean it that way. I meant, you know, when I was younger. I yeah. But then I said, but then I said, when I was younger, I didn't have this problem. I go, no, no no, that's not what I meant. Like everything I said to defend myself sounded like I was defending e D. I'm like, I, I go, this never happened before. When I was younger, I didn't have I don't know where this problem is developed from. But all of a sudden, I can't go in there. I can't get it done, I can't do it. It was. It was I was digging a hole for myself. Brody, I do hope you come to your senses and get checked. Well, here's the thing I'm just saying that she suggests that I take drugs, and I don't mean like drugs like drugs drugs, I mean like like um like uh pills to calm me down, you know. So yeah, right, so so, so I said, well, if I take here's my problem. In order to take the zoloft, I would have to get the intravenous needle in my arm, take the zol take the zoloft right, lay in the machine and then if I still couldn't do it. Now I'm drugged up and can't drive home and I can't do it like I I it's ridiculous. I don't know what to do. So I have to hope my headaches go away. And by the way, you guys, if you're a doctor, I've seen everybody, uh as far as like diagnosing me over Twitter. I'm good. So I feel like I'm gonna sleep more because I googled, like googled. Yeah, I googled like what could be the reason? And they said, you gotta eat healthier and sleep more. And I might be sleep deprived. And that may be true, because I gotta be honest, I've been sleeping a lot less since maybe mid February, especially working from home. My hours are screwed. Maybe there's a doctor who's listening to this podcast that wants to zoom in on you. No, you guys could do a zoom I've done all I've done all the teleconferences. I've done them all all right, all right, all right, I will tell you to take a break now. Yeah, I just want to one less thing, one less thing. My Chinese restaurant opened up this week, and I could not wait. They've been closed for two months. Rose pork, fried rice, no poklo main, no veg that's correct, I got that. I got my wanton eg dropped soup, no greens, pan fried noodles, combo, no vegetables. I could not have been happier. Wednesday night was one of the greatest nights of the year for me because my Chinese restaurant is back now. Uh. And I've had fights though, with a lot of companies and a lot of supermarkets and a lot of drug stores, which I'll talk about some of them when we come back after this scary What is it that you don't have a problem? Do you ever go a week? You know what I'd like, I'd like listen by the way, I want to read something I got. I think I blocked the guy, but I don't know if I took a screenshot before I did. Let me see if I if once you block a guy on direct message on Instagram, on on Facebook. You can't find it anymore, right, like you lose the conversation. Think yeah, I think you do, but you have to go into its separate folder. Why what happened to you? Why what made you block this person? Let me see if I screenshot at it, because well, I'll tell you why in a sec um. I must have told a story online about something and some guy that he listens to the Brooklyn Boys podcast because he follows the brook He doesn't follow me on social media, but he follows you, and he follows the Brooklyn Boys. And he must have taken something I said on the podcast or on the radio far too seriously, so he unfollowed you. So he's not following you? Is he following the rest of the show? Contrare? Here's what he said. Here's what he said. First of all, his his sentence structure and grammar is off the charts. I'm not sure exactly, I don't I don't understand what he was saying, but he wrote, you really are a pussy fill of shit? Where your where your show? What excuse this week? While you are busy, go into restaurant at closing, complain after work ten and want to go home and end. Now. I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't. I don't know this guy. He knows who he is, and I'm not. I'm not angry at the man, and I's obviously in in some capacity. Maybe his English isn't great. I'm I'm making fun, but I don't know exactly what he was trying to say. But whatever story I've told, whatever free dessert story I've told during quarantine, whether it's p F. Chang's or whatever, I have been nothing but polite two people. I'm a I'm an over tipper, especially now. So if you've somehow mistaken one of my stories that I was rude and that I demanded something, that's not correct. I am always polite with people in restaurants, even when something's wrong. Eat. Now, I'm going to tell you a story about what happened to me a wayfair, and I want you to know I kept thanking the man. I was very polite with the man, but I had a problem. So to the guy who wrote me that that message. First of all, you know how a messenger works on Facebook. If someone you're not friends with sends you, sends you a message, h and you you acknowledge them and write them back, they all of a sudden become part of your messenger. Yeah, it says you can't message or call them in this chat um if you block them, But then it says if you write them back, they will be able to call you and see your contact list. Like, why would that be a rule Facebook? Why would anybody want that? Why would anyone want to be able to talk to a stranger and have them instantly have access to your profile? I don't know, but that's what what what they do. So another person wrote me on instant on on on Facebook messenger, another person I don't know, and I had put out looking for help to install a hot tub because I'm looking to buy a hot tub, which is another story I'll get to later in the podcast. And somebody in in my town Facebook page suggested a certain landscaping company. Now, this guy instant messaged me and said, Hey, you're David Brody. I'm a big fan. Just want to let you know, don't use that landscaping company. They're terrible, right, So I want to write them back and thank them, but if I do, they have access to everything nothing personal guy, So I'm gonna have to go on Facebook and write him a public thank you, but not be specific about what I'm thanking him for. So f you Facebook Messenger. I wanted to just get it off my off my chest. But as far as the guy, the guy who cursed me, dude, lighting up, man, lighten up. We all have our haters. Listen, I got my trolls to but don't but don't listen, don't listen, but don't listen to this podcast and suddenly decide that you think I'm a pussy fill of ship. So so there you go. I am not that. Yeah, no, no, I was just gonna add someone who tweeted us regarding the the the Twus slide from last time, I Hua, I'm sorry, not Joshua. It was nikolay Reads on Twitter said it sounds like Drake could be talking about the moonwalk. Right foot up, lift your right heel, left foot slide, slide your left foot back, so pretty much he thought that the Tuss slide is a form of the moonwalk. And then that's why also in that song there's so many references to Michael Jackson talked about that you wrote back the way several of you tweeted it that was your theory. Yes, but you wrote back looking up an urban dictionary. You're right, except if you know right, oh yeah, right right, I am right because it was named after a guy named tu Sy in Atlanta. I think I think, I think it's a woman. Let's just go with choreographer doesn't add to the story. And they made up a dance dance tu slide. Okay, whatever? All right? Well, okay, uh, you know, Brodie, you know you keep talking about Wayfair. I don't know. I don't understand. First of all, I'll tell you what happened. I'll tell you what how do you have enough energy in a day? I'll tell you what happened a Wayfair, and you tell me how you would have handled it, because I'll tell you how it ultimately handled. Okay, this is a long one. Get ready to get your music ready. This is this is this is the big one. Hold on, let me get my let me get my popcorn. Let Michael Jackson get your son sitting in the theater in the thriller video. That's gonna eat the popcorn and just go off get the popcorn. Okay. So about a month and a half ago, two months ago, my wife decided we're quarantined. We need a little fire pit just to put out on the deck in the back, so we get when the weather's cold, you have a little fire going. And uh, you know, we have chairs on the deck. We can sit on a little fire pit. We had a cheap fire pit last year. It rusted out. It was terrible. So she, I don't know, maybe she spent I want to say about a hundred and twenty five dollars from Wayfair. Now, I'll say this about Wayfair, and I've said this before on the podcast. Wayfair is like, oh, well, give you free shipping. Free shipping is great. But most items Unwayfair, if you google them, you find them somewhere else for less money. They just built a shipping into the price. It's genius. But they get it to you quickly, usually pandemic aside, and they have a nice selection. There's a lot of places, by the way, that offer free shipping. At this point, they've all right come to the table. By this point, a lot of places do offer free shipping. They know that that's a gimmick, that's a thing. So I don't understand what why Wayfair is that much better than anybody else to begin with, They have. They have a great else. They have a great jingle and a great song, and the fund commercials and people love it. Okay, okay, alright, so I have to tell you the amount of the chair my wife ordered because it's part of the story. Okay, my daughter really wanted this webbing. It looks like like an eggshell shape, but it's it's a chair and it's like a web chair and you can hang it from the ceiling or you could put it on a base, and it's like a rocking chair for her room. And she's wanted this chair since you know the chair you're talking about, just by the way you described it. Okay, it's like a it's like a canary cage, right right, exactly. Well, you could put it on a base on the floor and it's like a rocking chair. Okay, all right, now I'm gonna tell you that we're not bougie. We don't have a lot of money, but my daughter saved her holiday money from from Hanakah and her birth and and and she wanted to use her birthday money when she got it, she want and we had some money he put aside, and so we decided, you know what, she's turning a certain age. We thought it was a big deal, and we spent a little more money on the chair than we should have. I think the chair was around six hundred dollars. It was on sale. Hold On, hold On, hold On, hold On forever, criticized me hold on and buying anything expensive. Hold on ever again. Back the comments about my ring light that was two hundred and fifty, lying bastard. Okay, the chair was on hold on. The chair was on sale for four hundred and something. We didn't spend six honds. It was four hundred something, and it was a chair we really wanted, and a lot of places were sold out and it was the only and we like, you know, it was a big birthday, which she had to stay in the house for. She'd never party quarantine, a quarantine birthday, so because she was quarantined and we had right, we're like, you know what, we're not spending any money on travel. She's not going to camp this year. There's a lot of things we can't She got her way. Well, like we decided to get her a nicer chair. So the fire pit arrives first, and the bottom of the fire pit has too big dents in it. Now you really can't see the dents. If you put it on the deck and you put the firewood in it, you can't tell it's at the bottom, right, So who who gives a fund? We'll hold on. I don't want a dented thing because if it's too dented, it might rust. But it wasn't that dented. My wife says, don't do it. Leave it alone. We're happy to have this. It's already in your house. It's already there. Why okay, Okay, more problems. So okay, so I said, you know what, Okay, I'm relaxed, I'm calm. It's quarantine. I'll put up with your having crazy headaches lately, having take this headache off of your plate. Okay, it's something that's not going to be visible. Okay, you know what The dents were in like they would dented from the bottom in so when you put the logs in, the logs don't lay flat. But okay, I decided to put up with it. Fine. Three weeks later, the chair arrives. The expensive chair arrives. Now it took five and a half weeks to arrive. The world is falling apart. I get it. It arrived. Oh, let's say two weeks after our birthday. Okay, it took longer than they said it would take. Even though they said it would take a long time, it took even longer. We put the chair together and there's a piece missing, a giant bar that allows the chair to sit on the floor. The base is not there. Problem all right, So the chair now is basically an egg that wobbles. You have to lean it up against the wall in the corner so that it doesn't fall over, which is not what we wanted. So I call up Wave and I say, listen, I got this chair. It came late, and I'm missing the part. And I wasn't going to mention anything, but I also got a dented identify fire pit. I have you on the phone. I'm mentioning the fire pit. He's I'm terribly sorry. There's no excuse for that, you know what. I wasn't gonna call about the fire pit. But while I'm on the phone, because now I'm pissed about the chair, I'm bringing up the fire pit. He says, you know what's I feel? I feel terrible. What what would be fair to take off the chair? What price would be fair? So I said, uh, you know, take fifty bucks off the chair off the fire pit. He says, uh, yeah, we can do that. Yeah, we can take off we did that would take off fifty bucks. Yeah. I said, right now, what about the chair? What am I doing about the chair? Oh boy? He says. Well, he says, we can get that out to you. Now. This phone call happened to want to say, on May one, around around May one. So he says, so did this ran ha ha ha or we're not even We're not even a third of the way, bro. So I said, well, the chair is useless at this point, had drive keep going. Okay, good, So I said, you gotta do something for me on the chair because she can't use the chair. The things we will wobble chair. He says, all right, how about how about I take off ten per cent of the chair. I said, that's that's that's not good. That's that's not enough. He says, how about twenty I said, how about you take off a hundred dollars off the chair? He says, uh, I'll tell you what I'll give you. I'll give you twenty percent off the chair. So he gave me. He gave me twenty percent off the full price. Not that this kind of price, which he apparently wasn't aware of, And he gave me like a hundred twenty dollars off the chairs, off the chair, plus the fifty dollars off the fire pit. Um, it's like, will that work for you? I said, well, that'll be fine, except I need to know when the missing piece is gonna arrive. He says, well, you should have it by May eight but no later than May eleven. I said, all right, so I gotta wait roughly two weeks for the piece, but all right for a hundred hundred dollars off the chair, that's fine. That's fine. Okay, great, thank you so much, appreciate your time. I said, what do I do if it doesn't depart, doesn't show up by May eighteen? He says, we'll give us a call back, but you should have it by May teen. No problem, it's coming from the warehouse. Okay, great. Guess what showed up on eighteenth? Scary nothing nothing. So I call it Whitefair And I said, hey, ma'am. Guy's name is Sam. I say, Sam, here's my problem. Got the nice uh D on the chair, but the parts? Now I see you. You're collecting it all up. Oh yeah, yeah, I see the money going into the the Brody column. I see two columns, Wayfarer's column and David Brody right and now now I'm seeing the money shift right now again. I know by the time this is all over, the chair is gonna be free and they're gonna owe you money on the fucking fire pit. Hold on. So so I would say, strap in guy on instant messenger who called me a pussy fill of ship. So I said, hey, Sam, um, when's the part coming? Can you check your tracking let me know when the parts coming If it's an a couple of days, No big deal, right, very polite. I'm not upset with the guy. He says, um, uh, there's no there's I can't there's no tracking number on it. What he says, Look, you know what, FedEx has backed up. The world is a little crazy right now. It's possible FedEx hasn't updated the tracking number. I said, FedEx has one job man to put in tracking numbers. I'm pretty sure FedEx put in a tracking number. So he says, no, sometimes it takes a day at two are behind. I said, oh, it takes a day or two, Well, I I it's like yeah, I said, the part no mail eleventh. I said. The part should have arrived May eleven. I said, it was roughly twelve days ago. I don't think it takes FedEx twelve days to put in a tracking number. I said, So now I'm kind of annoyed, he says. So. He says, well, let me check my computer. Let me see what's going on. Let me see when the part left the warehouse, I said. I said, guy, you're telling me that FedEx is backed up in the world and COVID. I get it. I'm not making no problem. I understand that. But it seems to me like you didn't ship the part, so you're trying to make me feel bad about the pandemic. I want to just tell me the part was shipped and I'll be fine with the pandemic. So he puts me on hold. He comes back like seven minutes later, and he says, um, yeah, He says, Mr Brody, Um, we have no record of shipping that part. Oh oh okay, Sam, So you tried to guilt me into feeling bad about the pandemic shipping and FedEx screwing up right. You guys haven't shipped apart. When do you ship on the part, Sam, I said, because now you owe me more for the chair. What do you mean, I said, you've told me to wait a week and a half and you gave me a hundred dollars. I said, okay, no problem. Now there's no part. Sam. When is the part coming if you shipped the part out today? He says, May maybe May eighteenth, maybe May eighth maybe, Sam, you gotta get me the part. I said, so, now I would like you to take off another hundred dollars for the fact I have to wait another week minimum for this part. He says, um, let me talk to my boss. Let me get let me get this is where they start losing money on the order. He says, let me talk to my supervisor. He comes back. He says, all right, I'll authorize the hundred dollars. I said, get me to put the part in order the part. Give me a tracking number for the part so I know that it's coming. Give me the going into the red because if David Brodie is there custom So I said, order the part, Now give me the tracking. So he goes in. He says, uh, all right, I placed the order. I said, when is the tracking? When am I going to get the part. He says, Je what I said? What? He says, Yeah, the shipping were backed up in the warehouse, were bombarded with orders, he said June. I said, Sam, that's unacceptable. Here's what you're gonna do for me. You're gonna send me a brand new chair and I'll ship the old one back. Because I said, i'll take the part off the new chair. I don't know what warehouse you're getting it from. This gotta be a warehouse in New Jersey. Has a chair. Get me the chair, he says, let me see what I can do. He says, Uh, if I get you the chair, I give you the chair by June. I said, I said, that's why I said, Sam, I said, if I have to wait until uh June for the part, I said, I want, I want more money. So he says, all right, I can give you another fifty. So now I'm up to two fifty off the chair, not including the hundred I got from the last time. So I said, here's what you're gonna do. He send me the chair, but I'm gonna keep the old chair. I'm not shipping the old chair back. He goes, well, you gotta ship the old chair back. We'll give you the packing label and everything. I go, Dude, the chair has already assembled. I'm not taking the chair apart and putting it in a box. Because he's like, well, well, we'll send you a box and the shipping label. I don't. So now you want men to disassemble the chair that you sent me. He says, well, you know you can't have two chairs. You gotta send the chair back. He says, it's not our fault. The shipping is taking you so long that the world has backed up. I said, Sam, I wouldn't be waiting for the shipping if you guys had put the part in the first time. So although FedEx is backed up and your warehouse is backed up, it's your fault. And ultimately, so I said, so I, so I said to him, I said, Sam, I said, I don't understand if I ordered the chat today as a customer, as a new customer, when would I get the chair? He says, June twenty. So I said, you're telling me that the chair you're trying to do them make good on, you're putting it at the back of the line. As if I just ordered the chair. I've already waited six weeks to have an assembled chair. Yeah, you gotta go to the front of the line. So I said, if you if I was in a restaurant, here comes and you burned my steak, would you make my steak right away? Or would you wait till everybody in the restaurant ate their steak and then put my stake in? As if I just walked in the restaurant, Well, we'd make a stick, right await, great, put my chair on a truck tomorrow and send me the chair right response, he says, we can't do that. I said, why can't you do that? I said, way Fair, I said, to elevate the I said, I said, I said, they said, Wayfair has just what I need, but I'm not until June to get it. Wayfair has what I need. Now, put the chair on the truck now, it shouldn't be at the end of the line. They're way unfair, right right, right right? So he says, we we we can't do that, dude, Karen did so, I said, so, I said, so at this moment, okay, So at this point, I said, at this point, forget what I said earlier. I was up to two hundred dollars, right, I said, I said, uh, Sam, get a manager on the phone right now that I can speak to. I wasn't mad at him. I said, Sam, this is a little ridiculous. Get someone that can authorize the chair on the truck, or I want more money because the hundred dollars you gave me even this morning that when I first called at the beginning of by the way, when I called, they said expected wait times forty five minutes. So at this point I'm on the phone an hour and thirty five minutes from the time I dialed. I said, I'm on the phone our thirty five minutes. The first hundred was because the park didn't arrive. The second hundred was because you told me i'd have it. You made me feel bad about the shipping, and then you told me June eighth. Now you're telling me I gotta wait till the end of the line for anything. I said, So here's what you're gonna do. Get me more money for the chair. Let's get right to the end, Sam, get right to the end. Go to your boss. What's the largest amount of money you're gonna give me on the chair that I have to wait till June because you refuse to put it on the truck. So that I can tell my wife that I can put this to bed. He goes, well, see if your wife will be happy with the two hundred. So I go in the house. I tell my wife. I said, two goes no, not if it wait until June. I ordered the chair at the beginning of April, end of March. Actually, so I said, come back, and I go. I'm in the garage now because I'm yelling. I'm not yelling, but I'm loud, politely loud, but loud. I said, go back and go. Sam. My wife says, two undred is not enough. I said, it's not. I says, a very expensive chair, and you guys are not doing right by me. So he says, well, we'll get you the chair. We'll put the order in for the chair on June. I said, and I'm gonna keep the old chair, right is yet, keep it, throw it out, do whatever you want, great said, Now find out how much money. He goes. You just grape so did them, you bastard. You're just you're keeping the second chair. You're stealing. Well, I said, because you don't want the chair back, you gotta ship and I'm not taking it apart. So I said, because you won't send me the part. But wait a second. He's good enough for you to have for free without the part. Then why then do you need the part in the first place. No, it's not good enough without the part. Hold on, it is more to the story, he says. I keep the chair, Let me talk to mysel, let me take, let me take. Let me talk to the manager and see what I can do. I said, either get it on the truck or I want more money. He comes back and he says, would another hundred and fifty be okay? So? I said, so, you're saying so, I said, the two hundred plus the one fifty. He's no, no no, no, no no, no, the hundred and another one fifty. So I said, so when I said no, no no, no, no, we were a two hundred asking me for another one fifties three fifty, he says, well, no, I forgot about the other hundred. I can do to fifty. I said, Sam, I'm this is beyond ridiculous. He says, Mr Brodie. What's it gonna take to get you off the phone happy? I want you to be happy. I said, how about three hundred? We call it a day? He says, done? Done, So the chair that we paid four hundred and fifty dollars full on sale. Not only did I get four hundred dollars off that chair, I now have the chair on the way, the chair missing the piece, and now I'm just gonna order the piece from Wayfair separately and have two chairs. Of course, you are chairs for how much fifty dollars? Hit the jingle? Yeah, I'll hit the jingle. Scamboni. You're trying to pull a fucking scamboni on them, Brodie, not at all. Do not kept no, I do not condone this. This is disgusting. This is this is free dessert overboard. This is overload. This is not right, This is not cool. It's not cool, Brodie, in these times of a pandemic, this is how you're treating people. Hold on, Way Overboard, I'm gonna give you keeping the chair. You're keeping an old merch. You're gonna buy the part so you can complete the set. So you know, you got to fucking chairs. You're just totally taking advantage of the system at this point. Hold on, I'm calling on your ship. Hold on. I am so I love you, Brodie. I love the free dessert thing, but really, this is not a free dessert. This is this is stealing the entire ice cream truck. Hold on, in my defense, when I made the call, I thought the chair with sixty five dollars. First of all, my wife did not tell me the price that got on the phone Commet price. That being said, that being said, what would you do if they're not giving you the chair? What would you do? They're not They're putting it on the back of the truck. And he told me there's no guarantee it's June. He said, we'll assume June twenty at some point. Man, what you tell me? What would you die? You know what I would have got. I would have found the model the chair and got it somewhere else. Is wayfair? The only ones that have it that hadn't stock No. I would have asked for a full fucking refund. I asked him for the false for a gift card, for for your troubles. For I did go somewhere else to get the damn chair where they're gonna put you and you first, because they value you as a custom Okay, I didn't ask. And by the way, and they're not gonna use FedEx to gon use ups instead because Ups. I found throughout this pandemic has been great. FedEx has sucked in the big show. I know you didn't asked handed to me. I got my ass handed to me because but FedEx. There's something going on in FedEx right now. And I know, I know that they're working their frontline workers and they're working every day, and I get it. But their their computer systems and the alerts that you're signing up for are not matching you. I can manage my expectations if you tell me one thing that it's going to be here on this date, but to forget tracking numbers and shipping labels. And I know that in this case it falls on the case of wayfair, but I would, but I would totally say that FedEx has problems that we don't know about, the internal problems issues. So you go to a company that has the chair for a good price and is using UPS or the postal service USPS. Remember them, I used them all the time and I have not a problem with And by the way, they're lying, though the guy was lying, there's no problem with FedEx. Have there's none of this story heading into a FedEx. He tried to He tried to pin it on FedEx and say, oh thing, No, it's not. That was part of it, but most of it is. The way house is backed up, which again I'm fine with, but don't pub me at the end of the line. Don't. And you never shifted apart. They never shipped apart. They can't be waiting, do you know what? They don't deserve your business ever again, then you know that that didn't blacklist at the way listener blacklist? Did you scary at these prices? How can I not shop there? I gotta chef of fifty bucks? You know now? I know why that listener and followed you and called you a you Phillip shit because uh actually called me a pussy Philip ship. Oh man, I got a hundred more things to talk about, all right, I'm late to my zoom steak dinner in Brooklyn. Boys a lot of them are from Brooklyn. Well, f M, it's virtual f M fre