#11: "The Fat Jewish" Interview with David Brody & Skeery Jones

00:00:00
Speaker 1: You can't do that. I did it ready, that's not right. So I don't even have my headphones on. I wasn't ready, I was I wasn't looking. Where are we from? Boys Boys Rocks? Yeah, Episode eleven, Scary and Brody, the Brooklyn Boys who like, Hey, we are the Brooklyn Boys. But there's two of us today, this three three, and then there were three. We welcome the fat Jewish fat whatever feels right? You know, seriously, come my lamp. You want to talk about a branding problem. You're the fat Jewish on Instagram? You're fat you on Twitter? What gives? Yeah? I don't mean you know my my parents call me just chip head. Yeah, I got inline. Yeah, you know what I mean. I'm it's honestly, whatever feels whatever rolls off the tongue. You have a Jewish mother, I have a Jewish mother. Yeah, and my mother is very fond of calling me a son of a bit right, and then she says, because I'm the only one that can, I said, the only one that did. My mother doesn't speak. She just chases me around the dining room table and throws her shoes at right. That's yeah, my actually, my my Jewish mother moved, as some Jews do now, moved from New York City to Santa Fe, New Mexico, sort of a New Boca sho you not and couldn't get a ticket to Miami. I'm telling you, it's it's a whole new thing out there, wearing fucking dreamcatchers, smoking a little dope, walk the dog for three hours. They might be swinging. I'm telling you, it's a whole it's like a whole scene out there. Well, you know, our boss, Elvis Durant has two homes in Santa Fe. Yeah, and he's not Jewish or an old lady. So yeah, well listen, I'm out. He STDs are running rampant and those older totally, oh my god, and older yeah, because they're they're going crazy and they're like zero given, no, no, they don't give a ship. There's just constantly drama. People are just like your funk whoever also Alvis Duran like, I'm out, I'm out in Santa Fe of the time. Like actually, if you google that jew shrooms New Mexico, you can watch a video of me running around naked in New Mexico shooting guns on mushrooms and out and and why doesn't Elvis look you up when you're seriously, I'm just confused by the way. We just got a new a new affiliate, Santa Fe affiliate just started about a month ago, so we're on there. It's all coming together. So Elvis, if you want to, you know, if you want, if you want to make some memories, run through shrooms and maybe meet your mom. That's what I'm saying. Who has possibly s td s now on our totalst episode speaking of cool moms and your mom's from Brooklyn, I assumers, so um our podcast Twitter is Brooklyn Boys. WTF because doub Brooklyn Boys at the time we wanted was taken. So we're like, we need three letters to fill in the fifteen letters. I said, how about WTF? So Scary says, no, one's gonna know what that means, like like older people, right. So I said, Scary, my mom would know that. Your mom He's no, they wouldn't. So we called our moms live on the podcast. If that live on the podcast, such a thing, and so his mother says, what are you talking about? I'm a mother from Brooklyn. It means what the fuck? So that my mom is on the phone's just please I raised you and benson Hurst, it means what the fuck? So that being said your mom from a different neighborhood are our neighborhood? Is like everybody says, what the fuck? Right? Yeah, you were from Can I say Midwood, right, which is a little more a little more conservative, a little more religious Jewish. Yeah, it's like so many The only Italians that go in there are they had to fix the plumbing. That's right. Um, would your mom if we got your mom on the phone because of you or because of the world, she just know it. I think I don't know one way or the other. She's in all kinds of ship. I'm trying to figure out if we're cool because our parents are cool or they're cool. No, she definitely knows what that means. I try to put her onto all kinds of ship. Yeah, totally. She knows like where to get special k like you know, she like she knows, like I put her on to all the drug My mom would buy the almond or no, no, no no, I mean horse tranquilizers that you actually sniffed. Yeah, she would know. I also gotta remember, you know, she's not which is But but like I said, they kind of swing you for for the exactly party let's go. No, actually I was. I have talked about before. My mom has kind of always been a party in him. She actually in the early seventies fucked um famous children's author Shel Silverstein, which is kind of like yeah, which I'm proud of where the wild penis exactly. She was like in a cafe on Prince Street, which likes you know probably now, like a store that sells scarvets for dogs. Her rint was like fifteen dollars. He like walked into a cafe like read her like one poem, and she was like good over here, Yeah, just like put out immediately. She No, she was not. She was like she was in like a mustard turtle knack and like you know STDs. I guess weren't a thing yet, but why I don't. It's just annoying that Shells not my dad. Yeah. I did like a paternity test. Damn. Yeah, I can send you the clip. I did an attorney test on Mori Povich to see if Shel Silverstein was my father. She was already dead. Times looked like some of his drawings. That's what I'm saying. He totally he's he's a little like Swarthier and Sephardic than I am. I'm not like I'm a little too like paste the Ashcanas. But by the way, I like the way you Italian worded oshgan Nazi exactly when you say Colamar, come on by this. It's so where we're coming in hot here like people. We just came right on knowing, like, does everybody know the fat Jewish is where where he started from? I mean, so yes, we just want to introduce it to our podcast. Our podcast. We didn't even talk about who I am, and you already know my mom, but we got to the good stuff. Hold on, speaking of moms. So I started the story before my mom said, oh he interviewing. I said the fat jew and she said I was the original fat Joe. I've been fat since you know whatever? And this is no seriously, Whizzy, what is he famous for? It took me a while and she still doesn't understand. So how would you expectcause she listens to all my podcast. She's a proud you wish mom. I'm an only child, right, mama, Brody explain to our audience and to my mother while you're here today, And yeah, who was the first of all, I want her to know that she's very much not alone in this. My parents, for a really long time, had no idea. I found out actually at one point that my father kept referring to me to like his friends, as an adult entertainer, and I was like, that's what I'm saying. So I found that out and then I was like, you know, I was like, don't do that. So in the early days of Twitter and Instagram, I know, you used to get naked like every other picture that you posted, right, there was a lot. There was a lot of nudity. There was a lot. There was a lot of nudity. To talk to us, talk to us about that and what and how that's changed. Well, you know, as like you know Twitter, like it's well, here's the thing. So it's like, you know, lord Zuckerberg on Facebook and Instagram, he's got different rules and he is not into like he did not want to see my rock shrimp penis. Are you are you Russian? I am My father was born around and there are no rules on Facebook for Russians, right, That's actually true. That only game out recently. Up until then, I thought that there were So I was right on Twitter there was a lot of like naked on troom's running around stuff. Once I got on Instagram and actually I had been kicked off, so I had a problem gonna say how many times, So I got I've been kicked off like probably two or three times, basically like for nudity stuff. And then another thing you can actually watch online. I protested outside of the Instagram offices. I had like a whole thing I got because if you get a permit from the NYPD, you get you get barricades and cops. You get like a whole set up if you like apply for the permit. The cops are like, I have no idea why we hate this guy lost his computer or something like mean while people are being like murdered, and I have like five cops at the Facebook offices protests and get my Instagram back. So we were outside, my Rabbi came. It was like a whole people were driving in from all over all kinds of like mongoloids. Yeah, exactly by the way in Bobs to rab Okay. Alright, alright, so um so we're outside and we do this whole thing, and then like twenty something minutes later, some girls like in your back on and then I was like, you're so stupid. And then I went on it was like, oh wow, they actually want to get me out of your so badly that they've given me my account back. So since that point, I was like, you know what, Zuckerberg, like, I kind of won this round, but I'm gonna play by your rules, right, so now you don't now you're covered up on Instagram. But yeah, and even some of the Twitter stuff not as racy as it. No, it's no, it's not not as much as it once was at that time. You know, more drugs it was, you know, it was. It was a different time. So uh, after that, I kind of like I kept I kept the Schmeckel a little more under wraps lightly because you went full Schmeckel on Twitter. I've seen it. Oh totally, that can in fairness, it is a Jewish It's a champagne cork made a flesh. That is It's horrible. No one needed that. That's no one needs. So uh, you know, I guess the best way to explain. Look, it's like, you know, I was I did a lot of TV. I was a TV writer. Um, I was on like a lot of entertainment shows. Like on the E Channel, I would interview like shitty celebrities much like you guys are doing right at this moment and zalist life on the C list. Um So I did a lot of that, and then like once Instagram happened, I was, you know, I was always like doing stupid shit just for attention. Anyway, once Instagram happened, I could start doing stupid ship and people just started like really looking. Um like I was. You know, I did a lot of I had shows on like Vice and like all kinds of stuff, but I was it was more of a local New York thing and in l a thing. Um it was like kids in their twenties, like weird goth Puerto Ricans. My, you know, my, my, my demo, My demographic was different. Once Instagram came along, I was able to like the base grew and it got much that the you know, the age groups got much wider. So now I have like eight year olds come up to me, you know, like actually some eight year old girl counts recently was like, what up, You're not even that fat? And I was like, fuck, I gotta step my whole game. Why yes? And then like an eight year old woman will come up to me with like a giant glass of Peno Greengi and be like, I don't have your stuff. So Instagram enabled me to kind of like reach a wider audience. Now now that's why you're the fat Jewish on Instagram. You're kind of watering it down a little bit, right, Well, no, actually it was the fat shows because one time I and kicked off, they wouldn't give me the fat cue back. So I had to come up with a slight variation. So then once you know, once people were looking, I was able to kind of take things to a whole another level. I'm like I do. I do a lot of like plus size modeling, and then I started this like big wine company. So you know, once I knew people were listening and that like you know, kids were down to like, you know, really wanted to watch me do stupid ship kind of you know, And I throw like I throw free concerts. I do a lot of different things. So it's hard to explain did you get into the wine business thirty years ago? Right? There were like thirty jobs you were like a garbage man, or like a doctor or like a Nazi. Fell out those forms and it says, fill out your occupation we're going in radio doesn't exist on that sheet. How the hell we're always are gonna like it's other exactly like my parents wanted me to be a pediatrist. Instead, I became like, you know, Benjamin Button, I'm like aging in reverse, became like a giant adult infant man. So the thing is, it's it is very new. There's a lot of different stuff. Um, wine was wine was a weird one, right, I mean I was doing a lot of stuff where I was like kind of you know, like you know, once you got a lot of people looking, you can you know, you can promote stuff a little bit. And I was like, I would rather just do my own thing, you know, rather than promote somebody else's ship. And we were just like people like people, young people love rose. It's just like crazy because it's like kind of the slutty cousin of wine, you know what I mean. It's like, you know, you're not like smelling it and being like the oaky, leathery finished notes. It's not that kind of drinking you drinking. It's cold, it doesn't taste like dogshit. Drink it. It's pink, exactly pink. So pour it in your eyes like these kids. The kids don't care. So, you know, young people are drinking wine like never before, and they don't know anything about wine and they don't give a ship take it in the can so they can. So we are the number one selling canned rose, are you kidding in America? Which is wild your Rose basically and so and like you know, we throw, we do it. Everything is different like we you know, what are what were? What are wine parties? It's like cheese and turtlenecks and like French douche bags. We like we have like rose slipping slides and rose hot tubs, and we have a puppy petting area if you're on drugs and like need to pet something. The name of it so the so the original rose that we put out in a bottle was called white Girl Rose. We decided to just put our demographic right on the bottle, right boom exactly. Let's just like let's just make it open. Who we're we're straight shooter. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Like an ear nose and throw clinic should just be called like a jew hospital, you know what I mean, Like no one else goes to that a dietrus should just be called jew doctor right the place exactly. So um, you know, we we put it right on the bottle, and then after that we moved into cans. We have a can called Babe. That's like a huge thing because you know, the kids are like shotgunning it, you know what I mean? Like, man is not meant to be shotguns? Or is it? That's the thing. I think it's more of adel. You might be right, you might black sense the dell pot offandel Zinfandel, Zinfandel? What do youel? What are you playing polo this weekend? My Infandel's my people? Kids? You know, kids are but chugging it and hits your little older and I don't know, if you pour liquor into your actual anus it absorbs. You're okay with the product being being used that way totally. I prefer I mean, look, they pay for it. He is fine with it. The wine is Look, the wine is good. We made sure it was good. We didn't want you to drink in it to taste like hobo piss and you'd be like, well, this was funny. I brought it to a party. I'm never going to buy it again. It's actually tastes really good. But whoever you want with it thinking of your wine tasting good. We did a Facebook live here in the morning shot. We used White Girl Rose and two bottles are very expensive Rose that Elvis had gotten, Whispering Angel, Whispering Angel, what was the other one? Other some other friends, Ye, Peeno, Grigio, the Peo and everybody picked everybody in a blind taste picked your god. See, the thing is, everyone's just fucking pretending, Like if they looked at our bottle and wine, so I would be like, oh my god, I hate that they tasted blunt. Yeah, well me and like, so I have times new Roman something like that. I was. I was one that pegged the White Girl Rose for being the most expensive bottle. I made him because said to think everybody's making it up. Nobody knows anything. They're all like swishing it around and like all this ship. They have no idea, they have no idea. They're like because honestly, if you go blind, our stuff tastes pretty good. So now it's in the cans. We have a new ship. We have a Champagne Rose. We just put out called Pink Party. We actually no joke like with the scientist developed it so that the cork goes extra fucking far and can really hurt like it flies, So you make the ship like a hundred. It's like having my dick stopping every bottle. Yeah, so it leaks exactly leaks like one single tear crying out of it, coughs and sneeze rose. I I taste hints of discounts. Totally, totally it. Actually I always find it has notes of like regret um, questionable decisions. Yeah, it has sort of been under you know, an undertone of disappointing your parents exactly. We call it what could have been. So, I mean, look, I didn't like really give a shit about wine, but people love wine, and like no one had ever done anything fun before. It's like the most unfun ship. I mean, look, we love like the high end wine scene. I don't drink wine, but like like high end wine, but it's hilarious. So like I love that scene like a guy in tiny glasses like talking about the Apricatti fucking notes like that guy's hilarious. But there was no the low end scene was what like box wine, a giant Carlos rossy like jug of you know, you pouring your you know, but no one had ever really like embraced it. Everyone was kind of like like sort of like hiding their trash wine have boxed totally. I it's like, oh my god, hide it or or poured into a grass and they can look that looked right, the straw thing put it in that. But now it's like we you know, we threw a party on a yacht over the summer and literally like people it's like Real Housewives of New York barfing over the side and like people are pouring into the ocean. Because we make it inexpensive enough you can buy two bottles and you can pour one into the Hudson River. You're partying with everybody. By the way, we've seen We've seen you everywhere. I mean I try to anyone who's like on the like e list or below, I'm hanging out with them. We still don't stand a channel. Who's the best, who's the coolest party with? I mean that who really really gets in it? And it's like, you know what, forget about my fame and my fortune right now, I'm turning it all off. We're just going bully deep. You have to go to like the slightly lower the slightly lower rungs like in this day and age with like the level of like scrutiny on the internet, like A List celebrities are like, they're not really turning up like that most or at least not around me because a lot of them, I think, think that I'm gonna like do something too crazy or I'm gonna like film them, which, by the way, they're right, so I'm not saying I'm not saying that they're wrong. So you gotta go like a little. I mean, I watched, you know, I watched Pauli Shore, like you know, finger of fifty six year old woman in a hot tub in Kansas City, and that was beautiful for me. I had that was a beautiful moment for me. Um. But the A List celebrities, they do not like they're they must be partying in a dark room together because they're not doing around me. They're pretty born. Okay, But you did do something recently within what I consider and everyone would consider still she you you did a commercial for m DNA the new M d M A M d Madonna. By the way, way to answer question any Real Housewives of any Real Housewives Bravo franchise is the best person to party with. They are absolutely in fucking sane. They're like it's like they're not It's not like when there's no camera, Like there's no cameras in my party, totally like a bitch will get cut. They will like fashion a ship out of a toothbrush like it's Riker's, like they like two bottles of fucking Wiker rose and like, God only knows what will happen. So I preferred to party in that scene like exclusive what is always like Real Housewives of Iowa. I don't think as much danger. I think that that could be the most danger I know. That seems contrary. They've got the most repressed going on. Who knows what milk and co. Goddamn day I will I'll flip a cowl right now. It'll turn into game with somebody will someone will die. So I prefer I seem like a weird fit to be because like now, I hang out with basically all of them, um and they just are all emotionally unstable and it is beautiful. It's a beautiful thing. But people want to see if they were stable. No exactly, but my fear was was that when they weren't on camera, they'd be like, you know, it's like, you know, we played up, but they are just like I like, they will literally puke on you. They go to jail every week. They're on a tail. Come on, theyple go to jail. That's taken. That's like, uh, taking the acting a little too far when you go to jail for your role. Oh man. They are just they're into just such weird ships. So um, you know. But Madonna. The thing that Madonna was that I expected Madonna to kind of be on that A list celebrity show where like does that happen? How did does Madonna call you? How does that? We We had like a mutual friend she had. It was weird like she people had like direct message me before on the internet being like did you see Madonna commented on your photo? You know what I mean? And like being like, yeah, bitch like ship like that, but you never really know what the naya celebrity if it's like their social media team, you know, you don't know if it's actually them. But it started happening consistently, so I was on her radar. And then a mutual friend hook this up and I was like, we have to fucking do this like, you know, this is it's Madonna. Um. So my fear was was that she was gonna be like, you know, guarded protected, she'd be famous for fucking thirty five years, like you would think that she was just like I thought it was gonna be boring. But here's the thing. She was so fucking lit like she was so like gave zero fox a sum total of absolute zero. Like the video which is on YouTube, you just search for it. It there's a minute version that I saw. First left my ass off, but then I saw the making of the behind the scenes and the full for man, you gotta see this behind the scenes. First of all, the editing is brilliant, The timing of your lines impeccable. Uh and you know, and what you do with a cucumber is just no, that's some of my cucumber work. Is that I have. I have most of the I have on a hard drive that I would love to show you. Don't let Zuckerberg see it. No, seriously, Zuckerberg. He's a hater. Zuckerberg is he's a jew Faroh he will literally he will checked to you from the internet. So she she was not I'm not kidding you. Within ten minutes she's sound like ten minutes of being on set. We're talking about the first hand jobs she ever gave in nineteen seventy nine in Detroit or whatever, and I'm like, you know what, Madonna seems like fun, unbelievable and improving, like unbelievable timing, like just saying crazy, ship completely off the cuff. It was the opposite of what I was expecting. Plus like they got a little tipsy and like ship really got you know, Ship really got turned up. She looked really good, look great. The skin is flawless total and you two guys to set the scene. You're in like to manicure. You're you're in a spot like big dentist chairs and you're getting yourself done and you're spraying yourself with the rose and she's spraying with like rose spray or she has like a new rose miss that like where juvenates here. You know, I don't know if you could do anything for you. I gotta be honest. I think I know you can't. I think you're locked in. And when you get freckles like that, that's big love. Listen. I've slept with women who look like you, so I'm not hating was Kids Party, that was You Heights Space Station. So she has like, right, she has this whole line of like really high and futuristic. You put like some you put what looks like a glitter dirt on your face and then you wave like a bar over like a wand and it magnetically sucks off your fucking facets exactly. So she's like selling high end. But she you know she I was like, can we put the rose in? Like whatever you want? Like she was like like I would love to, Like she was so fucking nice, and then only that she like, um, you know she she's not a diva like at all. Like I was talking to her when we weren't filming, and I was like, you're fucking Madonna, Like you could do anything right now, Like if you wanted to right now, you could send one of They were like seventy people on the set for a web video. Like I thought it was in a show. I was gonna be like me, her and a cameraman. It was ninety people. I don't think we were shooting fucking Jurassic bar And I was like, you could right now have any one of these people on set, like fly to Berlin, you know, to get you a fucking you know what I mean, to buy to get you German food, you know what I mean, Like you could do anything at any time. But she's just she's like, I just She's like, I know, but I never do ship like that. Like she just you could send someone to Florida right now to get you a dollop of sheep's milk, you know what I mean, Like anything she wants at any moment. She could go full Mariah Carry like I need sented fucking candles right now, and like stop the production when she's like, I never do ship like that. She's not a diva at all, which is pretty unbelievable. I love hearing that about. You know, some of these celebrities that we look up to. I would go fucking nuts if I had that, I would like, it would go insane. I'd be like, everyone, paint your face to a brave Heart reenactment right now, like get a horse in here. Don't look me in the face. You know, people come up to you on the street and they see do they they start asking you to be on meaning like come on, be the fat you right now. Go. It does happen. It's mostly like how do you respond to that kind of stuff. I mean it looks most of the time and stuff like that. It's like finance guys on coke, you know, we're like fat. You like, yeah, let's get nuts, And I'm like, I'd literally just had top us and I'm gonna like go home and take a bath. Like I'm just not in that zone right now. We're like I'm really trying to I'm really trying to get crazy with you. Um, you know, I don't mind it. Honestly. I take a picture with every single person. I'm honest, I'm to zealist. I don't have it like that. If I was Mariah Carey and someone's like, can take a picture, I get away from me one million followers on Instagram. I was that zealous. I'm telling you, I take a photo of every single person. Also, there are The thing about me is that I'm like I try to keep it like ultra approachable. So you know, I get a lot of like messages now on on Instagram with people asking me to like come do stuff. Um, like no, I'm not talking about for money, like you know, come to my uh you know, uh will you come to my sweet sixteen? Will you? Will you be my prom date? Will you officiate my gay my tasteful gay wedding? Like all this ship and I pretty much if schedule allows, I say yes to everything. So I have done just to go meet people like this is like I try to use this thing to meet as many weird people that I wouldn't be in a couple of weird It's like, oh yeah, two assholes from Brooklyn. Who has something frecken zealist podcast I had? I had a slot open for assholes this afternoon, so I figured i'd show just blocked out of my calendar, says asshole time, you're going into the black hole? Right available. So if you message me on Instagram and like asked me to like go do some crazy show with you, if my schedule allows, I honestly I probably will have Brody and I a proof of that. Yeah, totally. And what do you guys want to do? Let's go to I don't think we're quite as excited. I don't have anything that catches delhia me do a brisk I don't care, I don't know. Whatever. It doesn't have to be like nuts. We could go do anything. I don't know. Take me to your podiatrist. Yeah, so the way that still could be a wine for you. Like we were talking about wines things, mistakes you didn't make. Podietrist is what you your parents wanted you to be. Maybe have like a pedietrist bottle of wine like a foot. It's very I like it, like you're fucking hired. You're fucking hired. You're done with stay drinking. Who drinks out of boots? Some some people drink. Oh yeah, that's like a thing the Germans. The Germans. You gotta boots so you can. Oh, I was talking about something different, by the way, many I'm taking my guys you drink out of like silettos and ship like that. Yeah, that's different guys, you know other Germans actually different Germans finance guys on coke. They are the literal like a guy come up to me and like punch me in the dick and like put me in a headlock and be like you're the fucking man, And I'm like everything about this is horrible. You just punched me in the genitals. But how often did they miss? There's nowhere to Yeah, like no one's got perfect fucking in that's not Manny Pakia. He's on coke. He said, fucking you know, he's had thirteen crown and cokes like he's dick is big. That's my thigh, asshole. No, And they're like verbally abusing me, Like that's how those guys like connect. Yeah. But the fact that they walk up to you on the street, I think part of why they like you is that they get to walk up to a stranger and go, hey, fat you because normally they get punched for that exactly. And the thing about it is that like when you see like i A would say this about like sort of like internet more type of people, like sled people, is that when you see like an aless celebrity, it's almost like seeing like an exotic bird. You know. You see like Angela Juelie, You're like, holy ship, there's Angelina Jolie. Like you start kind of whispering and being weird. You don't you would just like walk up to her. You kind of get weird about it. But with me, you walk up, you grab my shreck o, You're like, let me come in this bar, like meet my fucking pregnant sister. I'm like, it's much more because I'm you know why, because I'm in their hands every day, like when you're when you're pooping, I'm like, right there, I'm on your Instagram, like you know, when you when you set the stage with all those all those pictures of yourself naked exactly, so I get you kind of set that, I get things comfortable right exactly, make the water warm, and then like you know, so I'm like, I'm very approachable. So Westein hit on you. No one could fault them for that's right, that's put it out there. I should have brought you Harvey Winstein shirts. We made these shirts. They're like tombstones that say Harvey Weinstein. Yeah they're really hot. Yeah yeah, by the way, totally yeah, I'm just not as horny as and you know, I've jacked off on a plant, but it's in a different kind of I was on drugs and no it was in the room. Yeah. It wasn't like cornering a television then you smoked it. No no, no, no, no no no no no no no. It was like a really nice like ambiance plant. And my parents with with your penis size, maybe fu a bonsai that probably Dick would huge. That's right. You want to find like a shrub that makes your dick look bigger? What kind of dick this Harvey Wind doesn't even have? I don't even know. Uh, he's a rich Jew, probably small one that No, most definitely it's horrible. Why do you think he has to force people intending sex with him? From movie roles he said a big dick. He would be like, I got a big dick, have sex with me. They're like, okay, right. He'd be like, I got a flesh burrito, and I'd be like, I had to have sex that small dick guy, all right, I had to put that horrible thing anywhere near me. Anyone complaining about sex with Tommy Lee nobody? No, definitely, because that guy's got a pringles can made a flesh in his jeans. Jay Z jay Z's got a Pepsi bottle, according to be On, No, that's right, that was in the posts one leader PEPs in the first of all. If it's in the post, it's true, said He says he has a one Leader Pepsi bottle in his pants. First of all, and not to sound like so jew, but do you do you really need all that? Do I need all that? Look? I tried to think of mine his fun size. You know what I mean, it's more like a Halloween kind of thing. You know. It's more it's like, you know, it's carry on. You don't have to check it. It's a carry on. I like to think of mine is the reason I have a sense of human to cover it up, right. Yeah, but have you ever tried to collab with somebody on something and you turned down, like just like door slammed in your face, that that you could actually talk about kind Yeah, I think like sometimes like they're like there have been like selebs who want to work with me, and they're like, let's do this, Let's get their people are like let's get crazy, and then like as the time approaches, they're like, actually, this is an horrendous, horrendous ideas finds out, I was supposed to do something with Susan Surrandon and then she was yeah, she was just like no, she's such a serious purse. Yeah, I know, a car and a cliff No, right, we were gonna reenact. We're gonna do it. We reenacting. Right. So we were like we met and we were like, you know, kind of like everyone was a little tipsy. It seemed like a great idea at the time, and then like once it actually got down to doing it, she was kind of like, um, you know, go fund yourself. One time I actually didn't get shut That was I met Um. I met Obama. Actually I went to the White House Correspondence Center and the guy was like the fucking he was like being so fucking cool. I met him and he was like, uh, and I had my hair up in like the full vertical kind of like dildo that I sometimes. So I come in the White House Correspondence in I'm in a talks but I gotta so. I have a Jewish motorcycle club but that I'm in called Mazel Tough. Yeah. I like yeah, so we uh you know, so we I come in, I got the hairrection up and I'm like, what's up? And there so you know that the girl who's like running the thing is like, look, don't try like I follow you on Instagram, don't do anything crazy, like they'll kill you. So I meet him and I'm immediately I have the hair boner and he's like he's like I love this. This is so good. I'm gonna grow this when I get out of office. And I'm like, wow, this is fucking crazy, Like this is a crazy conversation and I'm like, I call it the hair direction, and he's like, I love that the hair direction. He says it, and I'm like, this is fucking crazy. So then we go in so we've had a real moment. We go into like the backdrop, you take a photo with him and like Michelle, you know, it's like at the Correspondence Center and I figure, look like he's on his way out office. This is like this isn't two thousand whatever, sixteen or whatever and or fifteen, and I'm like, look, I might as well just go for it, like this is my only chance. I'm gonna say some crazy ship to him and see what happens. So I'm like, so we're about to take the phone. I'm like, Mr President, like you should really grab the hair action and like squeeze it and like it would go viral on the internet. And he looked at me because now we had like had a moment though we were guys, and he looked at me absolutely not, and I was like, basically like you fucking peasant, And I was like, you know what, that's the right call. But it doesn't he realize that that could have made him famous, could have got Instagram. He if he had grabbed my hair action, it would have been one of it would have melted the internet. But that was the right call by him, and like he made me feel like a peasant and he should have, so I was that was the right move, Barry. I know you listen to this podcast, good fucking call. But who do you look up to online? Who do you like? Who you are? People that I mean because I mean, listen, you're a hard act to follow. Well, people you know, people that I like Instagram accounts that I love. I don't know if you ever looked at like the t s A. Have you ever looked at their Instagram account? It's fucking awesome. Yes I have, because it's like she's done it on the show Bethany is a big fan of t s A. One Bethany Bethany on our show Blonde right not a no, Like I said, yeah, those words were built into that. Um. The ts A Instagram is amazing. Red's like people trying to bring a hundred Ninja stars on and like three thousand pounds of guacamole, like just crazy ship and then like the TSA confiscates it and then photograph it and they put it on Instagram. But it's interesting to see what people think they can get on a plane. My mom is incredible on Instagram because she's just because she's just no, I've done this before and it was a Disaster's private, she's private. Yeah, I canna accept you though she went private because of me? Why would happened? So look, I've put my mom through. I put my parents to the fucking ringer. I've like given I give out my I gave out like my dad's social Security number on like an Australian talk show, Like, guys, you're trying to steal his identity. Like I'll give everything I've given her. I'll give you know what, I'll give you my mom's phone number right now. I don't do that. I'll do it right now. Don't you want to do that? On the podcast? Don't let you want to call your mom? We could call her, but she likes. The thing is, she's at this point I can't get anything over on her because I've tried fucking everything, So she like knows it's coming, you know, because every time I call, it's like something ridiculous. So she kind of knows if I called her as a police officer and said you were in jail. She'd believe it. It's been phone tapper. She'd be like, let him around. Yeah, we can phone tapper. We phone tap people. That's like a practical joke. Phone calls, Yeah, we do. I love that all the things that maybe have shot your parents a little bit at the beginning, maybe more so, where are they with in line in order? Didn't become a doctor naked on Twitter, a jew with tattoos? Right? Were they cool with that? Our people aren't supposed to get those. No. I mean, my my dad was born in Russia, so like he had like a beard when he was like nine, and like worked in the factory, you know what I mean. Like he so for him, like this is all so foreign, like this makes no sense, Like it doesn't make sense to like, you know, even like someone who's a little less conservative, but he this is like fucking mental. So I think for a long time he just thought I was like a homicidal homosexual maniac um and just like and they were like okay with that, but they were kind of like trying to guide me. So now they don't understand it, but they know it's a real thing. You know, it's actually funny. Of all the ship that I had ever done, there were two things that ever, my parents were like, now that's a that's a thing, that's a real thing. The first time was when I was on ten ten wins. They like did a story on the local New York station. It's literally AM radio or like the stuff in the background. Like yeah, they're like, it's so I've been on I've been on fucking MTV. I had done all this ship. The minute I have a thirty second segment on ten ten wins, they're like, oh, okay, so this is a real thing. I was like, you've made it. I made it. What did you do? On tin ten wins? They did a story because I I did a thing about you know them. I did a video like the city bikes, you know, and they're yeah, yeah, for the I did spinning classes for homeless people on Citi bikes. So they talked about on tent ten wins. They were like, now you've made it. And I was like, look at all this other ship I showed you, but ten ten wins. And then the real one was that I got interviewed by Katie Kuric and we got like a we got a pedicure together, and you know people of that age, Katie Curic is like, you could fucking trust Kate. So they didn't understand what we were doing, like why we were getting pedicures together and talking about the ship. But at that moment they were like, maybe this is a real thing. Now have they seen the Madonna commercial? Have they come here? Yeah? No, Now they're like super into this ship, and they actually do. They run all my Southwestern pr they run my over sixty Jewish Southwestern PR stri sand concert tickets or anything like. They have actually not tried to like work me for any fucking for any angles. That's what I'm saying. What hashtag tribe failed totally weird, like totally you know, you know, and you get his tickets to Hamilton's. I can not believe I haven't gotten to hamilton Takes. I got that, and they haven't asked me for tickets other people have. I got the request. The minute the Bette Midler was gonna do that was a Hello Dolly, Oh yeah, did you see Bett's gonna be on Broadway? Yeah? I saw it. Can't you do anything about it? Now? I can't. Oh, Bernardett Pets is replacing her. Couldn't you do anything before she leaves the show Bett Miller croupies. My mom would show her tits and have Bett Miller signed them. It would turn into like it would be a one direction concert if she saw Bette Midler live. But yeah, it's weird. I come there not asking me for tickets. I'm gonna call them be like, I'm getting you fucking Hello Dolly tickets. I'm offended by the fact that you are not trying to squeeze me for any free ship. I'm a success, damn it, totally, I made it. I will get you Hamilton wins. No, the dietrist is getting you those tickets. I could get you Hamilton's tickets in Chicago. Why could you? Chicago? New York is still a tough yet, but I could do. I'm the once it goes on the road. Them it's for convenience because the flights are cheaper as cargo from the exactly, so it's a shorter flight. So now they're like totally uh, They're totally like into this ship that Sometimes they come to the stuff that I do. I do a free concert series called I r L, which is like I throw these free huge concerts all over the country. Um, it's like huge DJs like Dip Blow and Ship that kids love, and everything's free. The tickets are free. It's all unlimited free booze. You know. I give away like weird crazy free gifts. I'll give somebody a fucking best sponsored. Yeah, it's all sponsored, and I just give all the money. I put all the money into the ship. So my parents came to one of those and they just they just don't understand what the fund is going on. But they're like kind of having a good time. They're kind of stone now and they're swinging. Here's the thing, my mom, and this is this here. This is way too much information, right, it's just us, right, just what's that red? Like this is not on. So my parents, my parents were like relatively like they were like, I mean, look they're from Brooklyn, but they were kind of upper West Side Jews, you know, Khaki sensible rock ports. They were pretty like fucking you know, they were pretty middle of the road and then nineties middle sized dogs like a mutt that they rescue. Yeah, exactly right. They think you're thinking better than me, so you know, so they were always like they weren't like that crazy, but so so when I first started this, they were not crazy, so this seemed really crazy. But since I've kept going with this, they've gotten progressively more insane um and more loose. And since they moved to Mexico. My mom so, my mom, actually I brought a girl out to New Mexico and um, they went to this like spa and it's like, I guess, you know, it's like in a cliff and it's like, you know, natural pool, something's new Mexico bullshit, some healing waters. So they went over. Then I guess a lot of people there get naked and it's all there's there's a whole separate women's side in the men's side, so you can get completely nude. And so I guess she went with my mom and my mom got naked, like in this hot tub, so she I think she kept her bathing suit on the girl. So she came back to They came back to the house and I was like, you have a good time, and she was like, I gotta talk to you. And I was like wait what. I was like, are you okay? She looked like she saw a ghost, this girl. So I'm like wait what, I'm like, what happened at the spa. You know it was my mom too in ends? Did she ask you too many? You know, I'm figuring it's gotta be, you know, just overbearing, right whatever, your overbearing jew mom. Shit. She like closes the door, like takes me into a corner and she's like, I gotta tell you something horrible about your mom, and you just you need to know. I said, what was going on? She said, your mom's got a fully shave vagina. And here's the thing that's really crazy. Like I know it's not. And I'm proud of her for like, yeah, girl, like have your like second life, you know, like you're retired, like you know, get after it, like live your dreams like you're back. But a fully shaved on a six eight year old Jewish? What are you a freshman at Michigan State? In fairness, that that could be for menopause. It all just fell out. She actually has female vaginal pattern baldness, right, she's to cover the vagina. She's actually it's it's a rogue foam situation. No, no, but I just want to say that that I think is indicative of like a new face. So my parents have gotten really crazy. So now as they've gotten looser, they're they're more accepting of this. Had this girl seen your mother naked before she saw you naked? No, no, Um, they're both because if she had said to you your mom grooms better than you, that's or that your mom is a big a penis than you know, or you in your mom the exact same body. You look identical out of a lineup, I wouldn't know who is with the lights off, you guys feel exactly the same. So she, you know, they've now they're a little more accepting because things are things are you know? They they're both doctors. By the way, when you're your parents are doctors, you get one of two things. You either get your kids either a doctor, or you get this whatever the funk this is. My brother is a bodybuilder, an amateur bodybuilder who works He up until recently worked at the Pentagon. Like, you know what I'm saying, Anything goes one way or the other, you know what I mean. So it's like it's it's you got. It's either they're gonna be a huge it's gonna be a fucking thing they want, or the absolute opposite. So, dude, where do you go from here? By the way, I want to know because you've done all this, now what like, what do you want to do? What do you want to come? I'm gonna go up to the port authority and for runaway. Oh you eat today? No? No, in general? O no, no, that was in general, but that was today and in general. It's a long serring project. Um. I don't know, honestly, I'm kind of like making up as they go along. You know. Some of this stuff sort of starts out as like kind of a joke. That's what's crazy about two thousand and seventeen. It's like you have a big platform and you know people are looking and that they actually give a ship and they're gonna like interact with the stuff. You don't care about it. You know. The wine kind of started as sort of a joke. You know, Um, we were gonna make like ten thousand bottles of rose and I was going to sell them to like Jewish girls. I got a hand job from a Jewish summer camp or like right, one bottle, right, Rachel Shapiro. So that was one bottle of Rachel Shapiro and one bottle to Ben Tapotts. Yeah, two hand jobs and like p know, women from the Hamptons with like Rhino Plessy. So we were gonna it was just it was gonna be a thing to talk about on the internet. Kept people talk. My whole thing is like just keeping people talking. And I like to be completely off the notes. Like I'm not a comedian, that's the thing. Never been in a comedy club, I never done stand up. It's like I want to be where people think I'm not gonna be. So you know, it's like when when you say, like why the fund does this guy make wine? Why does that make sense? That's exactly what I want. They say, like why is this guy? This guy's a male model. So whatever's going to be the least on the nose, That's what I'm gonna do. So I don't know, maybe I'll fucking secretary state exactly. I'm gonna become the secretary you're gonna do. It comes naturally. You're not trying to like inspire for something specifically. You don't have a goal in mind, like I want to be in that film or don't want to work with that acting. Honestly, I've talked. I've talked a lot about, you know, running for mayor, Like I can get people activated, which is really sad the world. Are you implying that you can use social media to get elected to political office? I see what you're saying. I see exactly what you're saying. I mean, a guy from New York with a lot of social hold on your dangerous and an uninformed ship head with with a social media presence the whole thing about politics totally can hold office with crazy hair that stands up. It can never happen. Never. I mean you'd have to be divorced for like this to be the perfect story. It'll never. It just can't happen. Family of your own kids, any of that stuff. Um yeah, I don't know that. Yeah, I guess. I mean, like I'm like, I don't know, you want to get pregnant? Hit me up. Honestly, I'm not like it's I'm kind of going minute to minute slide into my DA you know, I don't know, like you know, to be honest, you, if I were really going to actually get involved in a family situation, I would want it to be with like a divorcee who has like rock hardbreast implants. Um yeah, who like with kind of a shitty attitude and a raging drinking problem, who has like you know, lives in like Jericho. That would be that would or you know could also beds prefer the north here's the thing for long term relationship and for the North Shore. We're talking about Long Island. We're talking about Long Island, but New York. But actually I sleep with a lot of one of the main places of girls like like emotionally unstable rolls who like who actually hit me on the Internet and are like, let's do crazy stuff. A lot of them are South Shore a Long Island. They are breeding down for anything, they are breeding crazy. I smoked those money there. I smoked a girl's pubic hair and in a joint from Where was she from? Massapequa? No, no, no, wouldn't do that with your mom? Where was sheba? A nice girl for Baldwin? I s no, you know she she had never met her dad. She's, by the way, nice girl. Did you now if the story you told us, if you were with a woman who didn't groom very well, would you look at and go, dude, my mom shaves better than that, right, that's actually what I do now, Yeah, that's my My mom could be fully shaved. So could picture my mom shaved vagina because it's something to shoot for to go back to that. But I was just thinking, like I'm not saying she had to have like a bush to her belly button, maybe a landing strip. I'm just give me something heart shape. You're sixty eight years old. You don't come through it like you're not like this is what this is? Like, come on another thing. I'm actually you know it just also like to add on of just making it up. I like, I was always very into like strip club food. Um, that was the thing I was into. So food, just the food, really into the food. They all do steak and they all do, but they that's the things that's kind of what the book is about. So a lot of places right there was always like pizza, wing, steak, nachos. Places now are trying to are like trying to really level up and they're going super fucking like farm to table and it's it's like hilarious talk about the books. You're like in Tampa. So I drove across the country three times and I did two hundred and thirty clubs. Okay, I did I ate a two hundred and thirty strip clubs, which don't really ruin your life also, but you know it's my craft and the things you do for a career, right, exactly, the thing the dedication. So a lot of places I thought it was gonna be a lot of right, and I thought it was gonna be like nacho steak places are being like today we're doing a saffron risotto with a and I'm like, wait, they're doing We're doing a summer show fancier than you thought. Totally. A lot of these are doing. We're doing actually a local, a local barrata and I'm like, what a fun Welcome to the main stage, chef Heather, exactly right now do you think that did you? And you're fighting off the right back. I've actually I've just gotta go do my set. No, I'm like, I'm like, we're in Jacksonville and the girl dancing has a rugged c section scar and like the waiters telling me about the Chilean Sea bass. It was great. It was honestly a lot of it was good. So I got at every place, I got the craziest thing on the menu, Like I got the thing that you would be like, oh no, one, Like a lot of places they didn't know what I was doing. A lot didn't know who I was at some of these numerous spots, the sushi and Reno excellent. They told me that they fly it in daily on a plane, and I was fucking kidding me, like they were some people, Like they're really trying to get culinary out. Do you think that they build these restaurants attached to these strip clubs so that the bill on the AMYX card on these guys going can read the name of the restaurant and then he can go home and tell his wife or his girlfriend, Oh, we went to this fabulous restaurant. I had the Chilean exact. It was exquisite. Right. It's like if you're a woman and you meet a guy at a bar and you sleep with him. It's classier to say, like, I met him at a bar and grill, you know what I mean? It makes it sound more like, right, It's like the book. The book is untitled, Yeah, there's no I don't know. I don't know what that because I have twelve more clubs to do, so I'm going. So I'm going. So I'm going to Portland on like in the first week in November, and I'm doing there's a all vegan strip club all vegan, the food is vegan, the dancers are vegan. It's all vegan. You get you can get right, hey, basically you can get like a keen Wash stuffed pepper. Um. You know what I mean in the champagne room exactly. So you gotta so I gotta do like a last set of clubs. And I don't know, you tell me what the name is. I'm kind of it's gonna be the definitive guy to American strip club food. I mean, I ate some crazy shit out there. I crab, I like all kinds of crab dips and chowders and all kinds of gnarly ship. But honestly, most of it was pretty good. And when when when do you expect to release this battle? Probably be that'll be sometime, that'll be like in probably like the spring. I'd say, I'll have a talk. I can't wait to be pictures. It's I want to pay full retail appreciate it. I'm like, I'm kind of making it up as I go along. Sushi rolls and stripper poles. You've got a gift. This is what I do, This is what I do. Straight how many how many um, multimillionaire businessman have taken my ideas and not giving me a patter. See Greg Brady stole his ship. Let's see another guy. We can't mention half the guys on the air. One of them used to do phone reviews of movies. Yeah anyway, a multimillion dollar company. Well that don't Yeah enjoy By the way, that's the name of the book. I listen. Who am I to break tradition? I'll write, Wait what I got a question for you guys? What kind of groupies do you guys have for this for like, for this podcast out there's no no you know, I'll be honest with you. There's four guys and three women that comment on everything that that reference everything we say. They're very loyal and if we do other podcasts we have like I do Walkers and Talkers podcast, I just review The Walking Dead, feel the Walking Dead, Preacher, I am C shows. They listened to it just to hear me. Don't even watch the shows. So they're very loyal people. But we're not. We're not doing any of them right. That's kind of my next question and not the right not to New Mexico shames Vagina. I've recently retired and rediscovered my like sexual liberation, none of that, not that. No, anyway, dude, it's been awesome hanging out. I'm not done. I think he's done. I think he's got somewhere to be. I'm gonna name his next company too. Yeah, I was gonna say, what kind of the things you're working on? Listen. I have made a career. I started out doing comedy in the mid nineties, and I've made a career of being in comedy groups and being friends with comics who are friends with the celebrities. So I work with people that work with Ray Romano. I was a friend of people that work with Kevin Kevin James, Open for him, Kevin James, open for me, Comic Love It Town, thank you, and so every time a lot of my friends are comics, comedians, writers, and I always say, just put me in your sitcom. I'll be the wacky neighbor asking first star role, because I'll be the guy comes in bars milk, comes in for cereal, says a couple of funny things, gets out. So I'm waiting. I give ideas to everybody, right for a lot of comedians use my stuff I've written for Late Night talk shows. This is really about your interview. It's not about my interview. But I've written for Conan and Jay Leno and Bill Maher but but nobody's gone. You know what, Seriously, let's make your rich. So I have no money. That was so like girl Rose. But I get enjoyment of making out of making people laugh. And if I can help other people do that, that's that's fuenty for me. Yeah. And I had cancer as a kid, so Patrick actually cofect. And you have that fetish where you're dressing a clown. And I haven't read Jewo because I'm meeting the Winter. You have a bobbous alcoholic. You're basically fucking Patch Adams. Well, I'll listen. We can, let we can, let's go into business, let's figure something out. All right down, will you please come back again? I listen again. We'd like to have you on as a regular, especially when that book comes out. We do White Guy Book, same font as the White Guy Books. White Guy Book totally. Also, if you want, you can swing with my parents. I can. You know, I like woman with a little hair down here, right, you're more of them. You're a bush guy like you. No, I was probably more of a Clinton guy. But so I got an uber I'm gonna head out. It was weird. I call you know, I am actually a fucking I am. I am No, I'm an uberpool guy. That's how I meet people. Yeah, that's how I meet people. Like where you guys headed. Yeah, so I's like, just go where they're going, just killing my stop. I'll just go where they're going. It's a great way to meet people and save money. So before you we talked about a video you shot last week with Mr Flawless. Yeah. Mr Flawless is famous New York for coming crazy ship on Sixth Avenue. He put it. He put trample in the middle Sixth Avenue. You're jumping up and down totally. Now this cops around you are those cops in New Yorkers. So this so this cop the one copy saw on the photo and he was like a good guy. He was like, look, we're gonna do this. He was like, I follow you on inch to my wife loves your Instagram. I'm uncircumcised, you know, like a nice, nice Italian guy from the stan Is with a nice big hug. He was like, I'm gonna turn the other way. You guys have like two minutes get this fucking thing done. I know you from Instagram. Then like he's, you know, some other his buddy came are some other cop he knew, came over and was like hating. So we had like two real minutes to get it off. Um, and we was a crazy group of people. I had like a like a black stripper, a Norwegian woman that we met on the street. It was like, I'll do it, um, you know, but Mr nailed the Norwegian episode. By the way, this is my gift, this is I'll do it. How was that was that? Not a Norwegian woman on sixth avenuehots to jump on a trampoline maybe, so yeah, Mr Flais like he's a you know that guy, he's like, you know, he specialized in crazy ship. So we uh, we stopped all traffic. I mean, no one could get by. So it's like people are honking, guys are screaming like get out of a way. I mean you know, so you know I'm making a scene by the way where we're gonna need your help on something here. We're trying to break the Apple iTunes top two hundred on podcasts, So I guess the more reviews you do for a podcast, the better it is. So we just we need like nine million of your right a review of this podcast. Hopefully they're positive. I mean, if you're listening to this podcast for the first time right now, this is you know, subscribe to it on iTunes, Google Play. We're also on iHeart Radio, please hit that subscribe button. Then maybe write a review. Maybe it's favorable, maybe not, maybe too much for you, maybe we're filthy, but just let us know, alright, I don't I don't know what. Honestly, the people who follow me, some of them are in my comments. Never go in the comments. My comments are insane. On my Instagram. You block people is says something somebody could do that that you'd want to buy Once in a while, yeah, once in a while, yeah, But for the most part, like I just want people to be good at trolling. Like the more you shipped on me, the more I'm gonna love you. But like, don't be you know, don't be like you a funnier in February. Like that's annoying, you know what I mean, Yeah, that's true. But if they're like you're a giant, fat piece of ship that they'll baby like more on, then I'm like I'll follow you. Yeah, like sound like the kind of guy. You know. What's weird, though, actually seriously, is that people say all these crazy things online. They'll be like, I'm gonna, you know, put you in an oven like a pizza you know, crazy ship, really like really really savage ship. And then sometimes if I'm bore, a little bored, I'll go to their page. If they're not private, I'll be like, Okay, well now I'm gonna like, I'm gonna get my I'm gonna take my shots. And the craziest part is that they've said all this horrible ship to me this, and that I go to their page and they're like, I can't believe you're here. This is incredible, Like you're on my page. I'm so excited. And then they're like, you, I'm coming to New York next week. Do you want to meet up? And I'm like, dude, you just told me put me in an oven. Now you like, now we're gonna hang out. So I realized that most most people are they're just they don't they're not even really trying to be dicks. They just are like screaming. If I was fourteen in the nineties and I could have just written on like celebrities page and gotten their attention. I would have done that. If I could have gotten Paul Shore's attention in board fourteen year old, I would have said some crazy shit to him just to see if he would respond. So I don't take it too personally. So when they were of it like that, by the way, because we get trolls, I'm telling you some of them hate you for real, but most of them, if you actually interact with them, would be like, dude, you're the man, like I love your ship. You'd be like, I'm confused. You were just saying horrible, horrible. It's it's instant. We see it come up and people will say really nasty things and I'll right back like, hey, why are in a bad mood today? What? What? Why would you say that about Elvis? Oh dude, I love you guys. I just wanted you to notice my my text message. All right, it's gonna be a better way. It's there a better way to say hello, right telling me I looked like Shrek with down syndrome, Like that's like that the way to start a French it really um, So you know, don't don't take it. So if they write any negative reviews, don't take them serious. Creative insulting make you creative. That's exactly right. Well, your website, by the way, what is It's fat My website is fat you dot net the fat on Instagram. Uh, it wasn't you know? You know what? Actually, I tried to get fat you dot com, right, so obviously I want to get the dot com that's the normal one. It's taken. I'm like, Who's I'm like, who is this? So I get I buy the feature on go Daddy where you can get more information about like who owns it because you might want to contact them and try to buy it. Turns out it's a guy I've known since high school. Yeah, so I hit him up and I'm like and I'm like, dude, and he's like, what are you What are you offering me? And I was like, you piece of shit. Also, as a Jew, I respect this move like a great move. And I was like, he's like, I've been paying three ninety nine a year to maintain this site for the last three years. Because I I kind of thought maybe you'd blow up. It was like, first of all, I appreciate that. Second, you're a piece of ship talking about give you a hundred dollars shut it down. We got it like a thousand dollars. I'm not kidding. And then I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna take. I'm just gonna take dot net fucking fucking uh. You know the fatuous on Instagram, the fat you on Twitter? Uh six or six two six seven seven three two three, that's my dad. I just did that. Just whatever, Text him, don't you know, send him weird text Pa scrolling back on this podcast, holding the finger tightly getting because you know, send him a late night text, say something really horrible to him. He'll like, okay, and all show the wine girl Rose. It's in stores, it's online. It's white Rose. We got babe in a can, pink party as a champagne in a bottle. I'm telling you, it's all fucking reason we price we're doing. Yeah, that's actually that. Swish is the name of the company, um swish bev, swishbev dot com. So to that you can buy you can buy wine. We're doing a thing where a drone will bring you wine. We're working it'll bring you wine into your fucking bed. You don't even have to leave bed, your your limbs could atrophine and you can still get No. It's trying to get on that because everyone who likes this doesn't want to interact with any humans. They just want to stay and they want to have delivered right to the show. Is my last comment. You know, when you see something invented and you go, why did I think of that? You go, oh, oh the girl daddy, it just squirts water on the grill. You're like, why didn't I invent that? You are a list of everything. People go, why Didnight? You understand why Night? Totally? You're just You're just the book. You should make a book like why didn't I? You know what I'm saying about a lot with the sham Wow guy. You know what you have to go way back to. You ask me which vice exactly Vince Vince offer from sham Wow. You ask me which celebrities. Not that he's a celebrity anymore, but there is no better guy who's a celebrity to party with and that you know he't get in trouble recently. Did he do something? Yeah, he does all kinds of create. You know, he's missing a piece of his tongue the size of like no joke the size of like a like a small crude tom. Maybe that's a bad union of measurement um size of a booyon cube a hooker bit a piece of his tongue out. Yeah, because he like got too rough with her. So if you want a party with a not quite celebrity anymore, DM me, I will happily give you Vince off his number and you could try to beat up with him. That guy's because at one point he was rich as hell. You know what money he made off the sham. Want just rattle it right here on the podcast like he did with your dad's number. I'll go on my phone right now. He's like, no, I'll get my dad's number, Shamber guy, I'm standing there is a line. Okay, my dad is one thing Vince from Sham. If you want the flexile guy, get him right now. Too far, I can't give you Billy Mays number. But first of all, what too late? Guy would have wanted his number right afterwards, because you can still he him on the voice mail. I got ron po Peole? Can you talk about ron popeil Oh? Is that set it is that Bronco? Is that like set it in his hair? Now? Hett forget set it, forget it. I would love to see that guy's browser history. You know, that guy's a pervert. Oh my god, what is he looking at? You know he wants women to look at his pocket fisherman? Totally? What is that guy look at on the internet? I love, absolutely love to know. And then who else who? And then oh, actually one more celebrit it's fun to hang out with. Well, actually, I'm running a long, very long standing catfish on Jeremy Piven. Yeah, yeah, so you know, I probably, I guess shouldn't talk about it too much, but just know that I am controlling the social media dating profile of a very beautiful woman who Jeremy Piven thinks he's talking to her, and I d m. First of all, he'll never know if you heard this, because he's literally so fucking horny. He's sitting on eighty thou women at once. So I DMed him on the thing as her my number, and now he hit me up and it's been going on for a full year. Okay, you gotta do what. We had a friend who cat fished someone we knew, and they got this person to go meet them at a hotel and there was nobody there, of course, but they went into pictures of him going into the hotel. We got cat fished. You've got to get pictures of Jeremy Piven. But one thing I will say about Piven, he's very smooth. He thinks something this like like she's the Dutch or something. She's I mean, she's hot. I know her personally, and she let me do this. He will not send a dick pick. He's very careful with the dick picks. Were like a year. We have plans to go to Tibet. We have all these fucking plans and ship that. He like, she's definitely Dutch. She's Dutch, okay, because if she was Norwegian you could call him. He'd fall for that accent. Jeremy. Jeremy's that. He's like, all right, oh you are real. See I'm trying to figure out how to put a how to put a button, like how do I like, how do I punctuate the troll? Did you show up in hotel room? And it's like me, I think they have to go to like have a meet you with like the ivy one in these places and then let the pop rozzi know he's going in and meet this girl, yes, and then when he shows up, it's going to be proof that he was going. There you're in the room where the boar at tong, or you're in a room at or you wait, yes see if this could really go any we can make this week and guy, you want this to go? Was that your boar at? Nope? Nope, No, that's very two thousand twelve totally. Well, look, I'll come back on and I'll tell you exactly how I finish the Jeremy Piven catfish. I'll keep you guys posting. Thank you so much, thank you for having the screen. As he types, no, but although he no, I actually don't, but I have. Literally I'm getting way too into it, Like I think I might be now into Jeremy Piven, Like I talk about him like it's me. Yeah, dude, this guy is so fucking deep. That's why I'm He's so deep. I'm like, yeah, I'm like going into beat and he's like, I love to beat. I'm incredibly spiritual, Like I want you to meet my bodie Kevin, like in Malibu, and I'm like, this fucking guy's than your mom. So like I got I'm telling you what it's gonna be really like, I'm gonna really get him because he's kind of a dick and he's like really horny. Um. So you know. Also, by the way, I you've slept to Jeremy Piven. Can you just DM me let me know, right if you could get him to meet you at a strip club for a fancy demmy, you can put him in the book totally. I'll be place. Oh my god, right, I'll beau Place has got a special. They're doing a on nice show. Don't meet me over, yes, bros and Pivens something like that. You know, you really do have a he's got a knack crazy. It's really seriously yeah, make sure you rip off his idea of She rolls his chipper poles and stares so seriously exactly nothing. It was a pleasure. I still don't feel like I could figure you out, which is fantastic. And uh, this was great. This is like, there's an entire podcast. He stepped down to us, We stepped down to him. We met in the middle. We we really we were sleeping our way to the bottom. You know, thank you friend to friend Cheryl, who also was instrumental in bringing you up all right with a book Boys, I'm Scary Jones by The Dutch plot Boys by Rock