If you missed it, here's one of our favs! #21: Brody's Giant Box Rant

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Hi, everyone. This is David Brody. At the time of this recording, Skiri Jones is on yet another vacation. No surprise to anyone. He'll be back soon, and we'll have a brand new episode for you. But in the meantime, we have selected one of our favorite episodes, this one involving a very large box that I ranted about. Now, if you heard it before, you may have heard it five or six years ago. You may have heard it recently. Or if you're new to the podcast, you may have never heard it, in which case, here's an opportunity to hear it. to hear a classic episode of the Brooklyn Boys podcast. I hope you enjoy it. And I think you'll get a particularly big kick out of the end of my rant. Guess who just got back today?

00:00:42
Speaker 2: Them Brooklyn boys that have been away.

00:00:45
Speaker 1: They both have so much to say. You know their names are Brody and Skiri. The boys are back in town. The boys are back in town. That's it. Episode number 21. 21. I knew there was a reason why I didn't like this one. This jingle. Okay, so the good news is we got to play that jingle, The Boys Are Back in Town, because we've been out. We were going to record on, what, the 14th? Yeah, it was a Thursday. The thing is, I had a Roy Rogers appearance, so I couldn't make it. But also because G-Eazy was here in the studio and they were doing interviews all afternoon with G-Eazy. Yeah. So you guys can blame G-Eazy for being in our studio where we couldn't do the podcast. It ain't safe. It ain't safe. It ain't safe. Fuck with me and get some money. I love that song. He does with Cardi B. Oh my God, it's great. You know what? Talk about No Limit. No. He also does a song with Halsey, his girlfriend. Oh, nice. God, you want to talk about a lucky guy, G-Eazy. He's talented. He's tall. He's dating... Halsey. Alright. That's not cool? I think it's awesome. I like Halsey. She's very nice. I love Halsey. Like in a dating way? There's something about her. Didn't you say on the big show you love Halsey but not in a creepy way? I said that on Y100. Yeah, play that clip. I think we have that. Set it up, Brody. So Skiri and other members of the morning show, not me, went to South Florida for the Y100 Jingle Ball. So a lot of our radio stations around the country do their own Jingle Balls. Z100, Y100, Q102, Kiss FM in LA, which we're not on, but our company has, I think, 13 Jingle Balls, and I think one in Toronto, in Canada. Anyway, so Skiri was down there, and they're like, oh, why don't you do a shift at night on our radio station? And Skiri hasn't done a DJ shift in a long time. So we had the guys down there send us the audio, They recorded him down there and sent us the audio. And here's Skiri on the air at Y100 100.7 in Miami. It's Miami's number one hit music station, Y100. I'm Skiri Jones. One of my favorite performers tonight was Halsey. I fall more in love with her every day. Not in a creepy way, either. She crushed it. Check out the video of her singing this song right now at Y100. com. It's Bad at Love on Y100. What's with that Bad at Love? What is that? I mean, what's wrong with that? That's just the way... First of all, in my headphones, I was hearing music. So I was feeling the music. Oh, so the music was feeling Louvre. No, but if I'm talking and there's music... Like when Shakira says, No, no, Celine Dion, Louvre. If I'm talking and there's music in the background... You were swimming in it. You're swimming in the music. Swimming in the music. You're kind of like dancing around it. If you don't mind me saying, so you were sinking in the music. Yeah, pretty much. You were dog paddling. Yeah, pretty much. I was doing the doggy paddling. So you have a thing for Halsey. No, it's more of I love her words. But not in a pervy way. I love her voice. I love the way she sings. You look at a hot girl and you're like, I love her words. She's pretty, too. I would recite those words all over the place. We're doing this podcast for this week, and we know that we didn't do a podcast last week. By the way, that's what I wanted to get into. So did I, because on social media, people were very upset. Well, I kind of brought this up, and I really think we should follow through. In the great honor of you doing your rants and in the tradition of public service, of great customer service, Brody tells you, you know the deal, his future book, it's going to be even is not even, free dessert. Meaning, you burn my steak, Right. Give me a steak later. And the steak comes a lot later. That's not even. We're not even. I need free dessert. Yeah. So I feel like we kind of fucked everybody over by not giving them a podcast last week. So... Even is not even in this case. No, but you very ballsy went on Twitter and said... By the way, that was me speaking under the Brooklyn Boys. Right, under the guise of Brooklyn Boys. Yeah. You know why you know it was me? Because I put my name first. And you slammed me a little bit. You said, if we didn't do a podcast today, as we're speaking, that I owed the listeners steak dinners and free desserts. Right. Right, because... Somehow, though, if you and I both don't do a podcast, I owe everybody a steak dinner. Well, because it would have been on you, because I was ready to go. I was ready to go, too. Okay, good. So we're both ready. So we agreed— hold on a second. We agreed that the steak dinner was now— we gave you the steak. The problem is we didn't give you a podcast last week. So that's why I'm thinking we owe free dessert. So why don't we do a podcast tomorrow, which will be episode 22. But I don't even think we call it that. I just think we call it free dessert. No, no, no. Well, that'll be the name of the episode. Episode 22, free dessert. Yeah. But it's still going to be a week from now that we release it so that people have something to look forward to. This is true. Yeah, we're not just going to blow our wad in one day. Ooh. By the way. I want you all to scroll. Don't. I thought you were going to follow up with that. No. By the way, speaking of blowing wads. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. Please, non sequitur. Non sequitur. Now, you guys can hit the, you can drag the little scroller thing at the bottom of the podcast, and you can scroll and go back about, oh, about five minutes. When I said we didn't do a podcast because I was sick, we were sick. We weren't. We were sick. And Scary said I had a Burger King appearance. Well, no, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Two things. Play the jingle. Play the jingle. Play what jingle? You said you had a Burger King appearance. All right. Hit it. Because we're in the studio where you push the buttons now. Oh, man. Why is this so difficult? That was a scary and appropriate commercial slip-in. Right. A little commercial slip-in. Okay. Okay. You could have just said you had an appearance. But I was sick and I had an appearance. I went to my appearance half in the back. And then when I said why we didn't do a podcast the next day, this week, yesterday, when I said we would do it yesterday, I said Jeezy was here and I covered for us, which was the truth. But you said, well, actually, I had a Burger King appearance. Not Burger King, Roy Rogers. Roy Rogers, right. Sorry. Okay. Play the other jingle next time because I'm sure you'll get that one too. So you had a Roy Rogers appearance. I'm sorry. No offense to Roy Rogers. I love Roy Rogers. By the way, the Fixin's Bar, if you don't know what Roy Rogers is, it used to be a national chain and now it's scattered, but they're growing again. They're kind of rebirthed like a phoenix. They pretty much, they downsized and now they're coming back up. Right. One of the first companies to have a bacon cheeseburger, but here's what I love about them. And they have double arbor burger. By the way, this is a hashtag not. I don't get paid by them. That's scary. Hashtag I do. You get your burger, right? And they don't put a lot of crap on it, which is why I love them. They don't put crap on it. They give you the burger. And it's a thick burger. Yeah. Relax. With cheese and bacon or ham. Like put ham on a hamburger. The double R bar burger. Love it. Or the golden something. The chicken with the golden sauce. It's fantastic. Right. But then, you don't have to say no pickle. None of that crap. Because it's all on the side. You go to the Fixin's bar.

00:07:30
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:07:31
Speaker 1: And you put the lead. I put like 40 pieces of tomato. I love tomato. And it's all you can eat tomato. I just pile on the tomato in the wrapper. I just keep going with tomato. Love Roy Rogers. So if you have a chance, you're in the New Jersey area, New York area, stop at a Roy Rogers. Absolutely. But anyway, my point was you can yell at Skiri because I legitimately couldn't do the podcast. He's like, well, I had an appearance. No, wait a second. I could have done the appearance yesterday. You chose. I could have done the podcast. Yeah, you could have. No, but you had other things going on earlier. No, it's okay. We're just busy for no reason. That's what we do here. Oh, I have sponsorship news. Okay. And I have guest news. Okay, so. But hold on. I'm not finished. Keep thanking the listeners. No, no, no, no. Hold on a second. I want to finish on Roy Rogers. I want to say something about what happened. No! Hit the other one. That was a scary and appropriate product endorsement. Not cool. I have to use the name. for the sake of this conversation for the sake of the conversation I can't dance around it refer to it as that place because we've already established that place you were there at that place so I was there at that place and this is a little bit of a scam and I don't know if this is something that Brody would pick up on and do but this is in the vein of something that Brody and Brody type people would do what does that mean Brody type people people that like free shit people that like free shit I don't like free shit I like what I paid for We did a contest yesterday and we did this the last time I did it at that place. Yeah. Where every 10 minutes I gave away a $ 100 bill. It was in the form of a. I like it. I like it. Tomatoes more, but I.

00:09:06
Speaker 2: Right.

00:09:06
Speaker 1: But you like where I'm going with this. Every 10 minutes for two hours straight, a hundred bucks. Wow. And the only rules that there were was you can't win twice, but it was one entry per person was the rule. Okay. So we've been doing a series of these types of events where it was the same thing. Like last time it was a pair of concert tickets every 10 minutes for two hours. So what do you think after the second appearance people started doing? Well, bringing family members. Bingo. So much so that yesterday there was a family there who brought an extended family. There was one group of people that had like nine people with them between... parents and kids. Now, yeah, they could have been their cousins or whatever the case, and that's fine. The point is, when the rule... see that's why a lot of contests have you or anyone in your household right can only win once I know my daughter's off of college and live with us anymore You would make that argument. Oh, yeah. But the thing is, people will find a way. Oh. People will find a way. So I was at, and again, so this depends on your interpretation of when life begins. But when I was in retail, we had an event where it was one submission per person. And a woman came in and claimed that her almost nine-month-old fetus, she was pregnant, Count it as a person. And so she played. She said, I already know the name. And she signed up for the baby. No. Mm-mm. Can't do it. Again. You need to physically see. It needs to be two human beings. I understand. But the rules didn't say. It didn't say out of womb? It didn't say. It said people. So there are people who believe. They take you to task. And again, I don't want to debate it. I'm not giving my opinion on when a child. But, you know, look, if the baby comes out that minute, it's a person. It's a person. I've had three kids. I know these things. If a baby falls out on the floor of that place. Right. Then you know what? Fill out a ballot for the baby. You know what? I'll give you one for the placenta too. What the hell? But, but I mean, so yeah. So, you know, people were looking like, This family won three gift cards already. That's $ 300 they won. Well, it's not my problem. Next time, find some friends and bring them with you. Find some family members. They were smart. The rule is, there was no rule. Each person is treated as an individual. So if you want to bring 17 people and you want to sign up for your infant, fine. You can do it. Your infant can win. There's an amusement park in New Jersey, which was many years ago called Action Park, and now it's Action Park again. Right? So they used to have a promotion where it was... Is this the soda can promotion? Yeah, the soda can promotion and the Pert shampoo promotion. And it was either one. It was bring a Pert Plus shampoo bottle at one year, and one year it was like a Diet Coke. And it was like the whole car gets in for 50 bucks. Now, what constitutes the whole car? Well, everyone in the car gets in for 50 bucks. So if you have 10 clowns in a Volkswagen and you're packing people in, they all get in for free? We would drive up to Vernon Valley, New Jersey, Great Gorge, that area, and we would park like a half a mile away on a dirt road. In three cars. Two cars would park. And the rest of us would jump in the trunk. We would lay on top of each other in the back seat. There was 11 Brooklyn Jamocas in a car. 12 maybe at one point. There were people hiding in the trunk. Yeah, we had people in the... Two guys were in the trunk. And we pulled up in this old... It was a Buick. Old Buick. And we got in like 12 people. Almost like a little over four bucks a piece. Don't make rules, man. Because you didn't say. You don't say up to eight people. No, you're actually asking for our rules. More specific rules. That's what I'm saying. Don't say the whole car gets in for 50 bucks for a can of Coke. Right. So I found it fascinating that... After the fourth appearance at that place. By the way, be the person that lays across the other people. Don't be the person in the seat. Don't be like, I want a seat. Because then they pile on top of you. Be the person on top of the pile. And don't be the person that rides bitch. Everybody rode bitch. There were 12 of us. We called it the hump. The hump is the middle seat in the back. It's not really a seat because it's a bench across the back. And you know what? It's not fully padded in the middle because it's not meant to be a seat. But I always used to ride bitch. Because we had the game, the rules of that. Now, old school, older cars, the back seat was one straight bench. So any way you sat on it was the same. Except you had the hump and the floor, and you had to put one leg on each side. There are still some cars that are made that way. Yeah, but my car, the back seat, because they want the normal two passengers in the back to be comfortable, those two seats are contoured, where, like, the cushioning goes up... On both sides of your ass. Yep. So, like, you sit, like, in a seat. It cradles your ass. Yeah. But the middle seat now is mega bitch. Because you've got an armrest that back in the day cars didn't have armrests back in the day. Now there's an armrest, like, so you have that, like, both sides of the armrest have the crack. Right. Right? So that it can fall down. And each cheek is hanging off the left and the right side. And then you're kind of stuck in the middle. Right. And you've got the other two people in like cushy comfort. You've got the hump. Yeah. So you're like Uber bitch. And I don't mean like the Uber ride. You're like super bitch. Yeah. Because you're like, you're effed by your feet. You're effed by your butt. You're effed in your back. 100%.

00:14:42
Speaker 2: And.

00:14:44
Speaker 1: And so, like, what do you do? You want to put your feet up on the armrest in the front, but then the driver's like, hey, move your freaking feet off the car. I don't want your feet, when I'm driving, your feet are up there. And they're like, but my feet hurt. I don't care. You lost. You're a sitting bitch. Yeah. Yeah, new cars are not designed, like, sits five comfortably. Bullshit. Bullshit. It seats four comfortably and bitch. And bitch. That's it. The new Buick Elantra. No. It seats four plus bitch. Well, you know what? They can't advertise that anymore because unless there's a seatbelt there for that middle seat. Oh, there's a seatbelt. But it comes from the roof. Or it comes from behind the seat. No good. Because there's no good place to put it. That is not good. That is not living. But anyway, so what were we saying? How did I get on this topic? We were talking about how we didn't do a podcast and the feedback we got from our listeners who really missed the podcast. Yeah. And so some of them were like pseudo angry. Oh, right. A lot of them wanted free dessert.

00:15:35
Speaker 2: Right.

00:15:35
Speaker 1: So let me back all the way up. I think that we give them free dessert tomorrow. That's really the moral of that story. All right? You cool with that? Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that for you. Yeah, we can deliver another podcast tomorrow. Okay. That's fine, but don't do it like an appearance at a burger place. That sounds like it's mail time. Welcome. You've got mail. You can always get in touch with us here on the Brooklyn Boys Podcast, thebrooklynboyspodcast.gmail.com. Thank you so much for everything. I mean, you guys are awesome. That was an email from... Just, you guys are awesome. Okay. From C. Who's C? I have no idea. And there's nothing in the... I don't even... The email address is weird. I don't know. Could have been spam. But we're awesome. Yeah, right. Hey, this is from Tiffany Bellessi. Hey, Brody and Skiri. Love her. Love her already. Love listening to you guys on the Brooklyn Boys podcast. Been a fan since the beginning. If it wasn't for your podcast, I never would have stood up for myself against the big company. So I'm writing to say thank you, Brody, for teaching me about free dessert. Thank you. See, speaking of free dessert. Speaking of free dessert. Please write that book. I'm very curious as to how you both would have handled this or a similar situation. I gave you the full story in case you needed more details. Whoa. This is a long story. Should we call her? Well, what's the story? Dude, I don't know if we want to get into her story here. I thought she was just complimenting us. It looks like she's got an issue, Brody. She might have to get Brody on her side. We'll get back to Tiffany. You know what? Let's read it at the end of this podcast, and we'll help her in the next one that we record tomorrow. Perfect. Hey, guys. I've been listening every week now for a few weeks. Been listening to earlier podcasts recently. Just listened to an episode there in number three. Want to let you guys know that my birthday is April 5th. Do not put it on the air. That's dumb. That's from Anthony Tomasello. anthonytomasello at gmail.com. Thank you, Anthony. We won't air your birthday on April 5th. I don't know why he thought that he would because we don't do birthdays on this podcast. You'll find that out in a later podcast. Hey, this is from Trisha Lopresti. Hey, Skiri and Brody. Brody and Skiri. I wonder if she's related to Chris Lopresti who's on the sports station here in New York. Maybe. Maybe. It's MissTrish83 on Instagram if you want to search her and stalk her. I wanted to reach out and let you guys know. Don't do that. Not in a creepy way, Halsey. No, no. I wanted to reach out and let you know, guys. I love the podcast. Been a big fan of the big show. 15-minute morning show podcast, Walkers and Talkers. But Brooklyn Boys is my favorite of them all. I have no problem with that. Been going through a rough time lately. Not writing for a shout-out or anything like that. Too late. Just wanted you guys to know how much you've helped me. All right. So she goes on to saying that she's had a pretty interesting time and we took her out of that path. Well, I'm glad. As I say to everybody when they write to the big show, write to us, listen, we're happy to help in any way we can. We're just trying to have fun. She said things are looking up for her right now. And the two of you guys crack me up. Love the rants, the arguments, the quick wit, even though I love you both. I definitely find myself relating to Brody the most because of hashtag tribe. So she's Jewish. Wait a second. With a name like Lopresti? L-O-P-R-E-S-T-I? Yeah, her father is Italian and her mother is Jewish and in the Jewish religion you are what your mother is. I mean, that's an explanation. Or she could have been born not Jewish. A maiden name, Wilner. There it is. Wilner, thank you. Or she got married. That's the other way. That's tried. Tried, yeah. Tried. All right. Happy Hanukkah. Jennifer. Happy Chinookah. Hanukkah. It's Hanukkah. Jennifer Hain has the next email. Brooklyn Boys didn't want to put your names out there because she didn't want us to argue. All right, Brody and Scary. Listen to the Big Show for many years. Finish listening. Binge listen to all your podcasts while I'm studying for finals. Listen, one episode of this podcast is binging. This is a lot to listen to. And while studying for finals. You guys crack me up, I'll be right back. complex equations and have to stop because I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying. Keep up the great work. Each podcast is better than the last one. You should bring up guests on the show. Fat Jew, Hysterical. So they want more guests like the Fat Juke. Well, we're working on Michael Rapaport. And somebody else, I'm going to tell you. Thanks for making my first podcast experience and amazing. That's Jen from Amish country in Pennsylvania. Wow. She's listening to us on Cups in a String. Hashtag Cups in a String. And then finally, we'll give a shout out to Bradley. Bradley Adubato. Hello, scary bird. Adubato? Oh, how about this? Hello, Skiri and Brody. Hashtag I'm Team Skiri. Hashtag Team Skiri. We don't have enough time for any more emails. Go ahead. Go ahead. Read the... No, no, no, no. I just want to say you guys bring laughter to my days. I don't have many guy friends, so being able to hear you guys talk makes me feel like I'm one of the boys. Oh, that's so cool, Bradley. Nice. Skiri, I have a lot of respect for you and all you do for the podcast and the big show. You're living an awesome life, and it's awesome to hear about your adventures. Brody, I'm part of the tribe as well. Love your rants. They're amazing. Though I don't always think you're in the right in certain situations. He's striking out left and right. You're out of the tribe. Totally appreciate your humor and the entertainment value of them. Thanks for all the awesome jokes. Obviously a guy who likes scallions. But he finishes with the, you're an unsung hero. Keep it up. Good luck on being top 200 on Apple iTunes, which hasn't happened yet, by the way. What the fuck does it take to get in the Apple top 200 on the iTunes podcast list? Okay, there's 100 million podcasts. Sheesh. It looks like about five more people of the 100,000 people that listen to us every month went on iTunes and reviewed us. So again, please go to iTunes. You need to review us. Leave a nice review for us. A nice review. So I have some listener tweets You do? I don't have music for that I'll make a jingle But right now here's some listener tweets So this came in today I just stumbled on a gold mine At David Brody At Scary Jones Can you share some of it with us because we don't have a budget Freaking hilarious And it's a picture of our podcast So thank you Alex Rodriguez No relation At A-Rod 0443 But not the A-Rod, not the one who's with J-Lo. Although I think Alex Rodriguez would probably like our podcast as well. So thank you, Alex Rodriguez, 443. He stumbled upon a gold mine. Doug Curran, at Doug Curran. I guess that was easy, got his name. He writes, you'd be proud of the free dessert I got the other night. Hashtag paying it forward. Hashtag grasshopper. Hashtag master splinter. Uh, he writes, ordered turkey sub. They gave me ham. I got home and called to complain. They delivered another ham sub. So he went ham. He went ham. So, okay. So he ordered turkey, got home. He realized he had ham, called and complained. They delivered another ham sub. I have to assume he's from the Philly area. He's saying sub. Um, anyway, uh, he writes hashtag another one. I thought I was getting punked. I took it. I took it. Took it up to the shop fuming and got a cookie pie and a coupon for free pizza and didn't have to pay for the sub. Hashtag Yahtzee. And free three ham sandwiches. Yeah. I mean, what did he do with them? Well, he got two ham sandwiches free and a free turkey sandwich and free pizza. This guy hit the jackpot. And he got a free cookie pie. And he got indigestion after all of that. Okay, I got a couple more here. Heather Fidelibus. Who? Right, exactly. That's at Heather Fidelity, which is much easier to read. She writes, at David Brody, a certain company screwed me on my two-day shipping today. A company with an A, I'm assuming. I looked at my husband and told him that if I learned anything from Brody, it's that I have to get free dessert now. Okay, so I told her what to do. Yeah. And she wrote me back. She got a free one month of Amazon prime and a $ 10 gift card because she didn't get her two day delivery the day she was supposed to. I love this hashtag free dessert. Let's see. Angela Preciado six on Twitter says today. I keep hearing you say even isn't even I'm trying to get my free dessert. So whatever she's working on, she's gonna let me know when she gets it, but she's thinking about it. Uh, and then, um, Oh, one more. Lord of Enjoyment on Instagram. At Lord of Enjoyment. Is it L-O-R-D-E?

00:24:36
Speaker 2: Lord?

00:24:36
Speaker 1: Like she's a fan of the artist? No, Lord of. I got a $ 100 Outback gift card today after complaining about the service. Thank you. Free dessert. Wow, I wonder how she got that. Yeah, so my minions are learning the ways. Minions? I have to write this. Oh, that is condescending to use the word minion. No, minions like my disciples. I'm very proud of them, my children. They're flying out there and getting free dessert. I might need to enlist your help right now, Brody, because I've been going through this for about... Six months. Okay, but before you say, remind me, you had a rant today on the big show that we said you were going to bring to the table today. It's a Brody rant, but you did it, and I called you on it. You didn't even realize you were Brody ranting. Okay, then you have to call me out on it because I don't even know which one it was. I'm going to write it down right now. But I will do the rant again here. It doesn't start with a you, though. Go ahead. All right, well, it's actually something I'm going to need help with because I actually got, I bought a TV for my girlfriend a couple of years ago, about two years ago. It was a beautiful flat panel TV. They're all flat panel. I know they're all flat panel. Just the TV. It's just the TV. Yeah. All right. And what happens after it goes out of its... About a year and about... Right after its warranty is over, six months later, the thing shits the bed. The TV doesn't turn on anymore. And then we realize if you jiggle the cable a little bit, we think it might be the power supply. Because the TV actually works. It works intermittently. On, off, on, off. Now, is this mounted on a wall where there would be no option to pull the cable? No, no, no, it's not. It's actually freestanding. And this television is now, well, it's out of warranty. I called up the company. I said, guys, four months after this $ 1, 000 television goes out of warranty, this starts to happen. Well, we're sorry. You have to take it to an independent repair person. Or, you know, pay the price. Now, I know the TV is not shot because it does turn on occasionally. If you jiggle the wire... Right. By the way, jiggling the wire... Yeah, it turns me on as well. Yeah, but it also... You jiggle my wire, I go right on. But you jiggle the wire on pretty much any appliance, it usually works. Yeah. So it's not like it's something with the little, like, things on the screen, the LED, whatever the hell that stuff is. Nothing with the motherboard. Okay. It's a friggin' power supply problem. Right. So... I'm like, something is not soldered properly on the inside and it's causing this to go on and off. Well, they're telling me that I'm going to have to pay out of pocket for this. I think the TV is under two years old. Did you register the TV when you bought it? Did you register the purchase date and the receipt? Do you know that card that comes with it? Yeah, because nobody, they throw the card right out. I did too. Here's my question. I was part of that. Let's say the TV was 11 months old. Yeah. Right? It's under warranty. Yeah. How would you approve that? Do you have a credit card bill? Do you have any kind of proof of purchase? I do have proof of purchase, yeah. I pay for it on a credit card. I have it right there. It's on my Amex. I'll tell you something that happened, a way I got something repaired. Because is it hopeless for me and people that are in situations similar to this? When did you buy it? Do you remember the month you bought it? It was December. It was for Christmas. Okay. And then a Christmas passed after that. And then it happened in April. Like, motherfuckers. Four months later, the thing goes out of order. You bought it for yourself, right? No, it was for my girlfriend. Okay, so it's at her house. Yeah, well, the thing is, I got a replacement TV, which I paid for, because I felt bad. And that TV is now sitting on her apartment floor. And it's a great TV. It's in good condition. And it's an extra TV. I'm so angry. I'm beside myself. Okay, here's something that I did. I did it with... A hose reel. I did it with a barbecue grill. Things are out of warranty. And I did it with a TV set. You buy the TV in December, right? But you didn't give it or set it up for a few months. Until July? Yeah. So you've really only used the TV for like 11 months. And, you know, it's defective. You know, you should stand by your product. I mean, there's ways... Look, if you get the right customer service person on the phone, you can handle it two ways. When you're asking for a favor because you're in the wrong, you can be extra nice, extra polite, and say, look, I bought the TV for my mom. She's, you know... Yeah. Shut in. She doesn't get out much. Oh, my God! And, you know... Why would I say that, though? She doesn't have the income to fix the television. None of that is true! Well, this was... This happened to my mother at one point. So I'm telling you, and if it's true, they're not going to call and ask your mother how she's doing. Oh my God. And so, you know, you boarded the TV. Kind of asking me to tell a tall tale here, Brody. No, no, no, no, no. But what I'm saying is you can, you can bear your soul and explain the situation. And a lot of times the customer service person will say, you know what, Mr. Brody, it is a little bit out of warranty, but I see your regular customer. Cause you know, miss, I buy, We'll call it Johnson TVs because I don't want to mention a brand name, right? So, you know what? All the TVs in my house are Johnson TVs. I buy nothing but Johnson TVs. And I have the model numbers. I go, I have an XK47. I have an XK36. I have a UL45. I've been buying these Johnson TVs for 11 years. I love them. I get my friends to buy them. I'm very excited and happy with the brand. I've never had a problem. This one TV. I was shocked because your Johnson TVs are the best. I tell everybody the best. Everyone knows I'm a Johnson TV guy. Slattery. And then I'm telling you, and by the way, this is true. When I, when I call a company, I'm telling the truth. So when you know you're in the wrong, I embellished the fuck out of it. You own it. You own it. I let them know, which is the truth. I'm brand loyal. So if I buy a TV or a stereo, I've bought 11 of them. Like all my TVs in my house are the same company. So you're pretty much showing a history. That I'm happy with the product. You're part of the family. I'm happy with the product. I get my friends to buy Johnson TVs. Okay. When the new ones come out. I see where you're going with this. I go to the electronic stores and stare at Johnson TVs. So I should call this company. Yeah. And I should tell them... Is there something you can do? Is there someone I can talk to? Because really, it's a couple of months, and I don't pull on it. I don't have a dog. Nobody went back there. It's all by itself. Look, I know sometimes TVs come out. They're not perfect. Once in a blue moon, a soldering isn't perfect. I get it. It happens. Right. Okay, so combine that type of story, the flattery, the brand loyalty, with... the combination of someone who's a good customer service person, then you're going to get your free dessert. I've had very good luck. And if it doesn't work, you wait a day and call back and get somebody else who doesn't know you called the first guy. But what you're saying is I'm not entitled to anything in this case. In this case, legally, they can say what they want. Better companies like Johnson TVs, like if you have a major brand, I'm going to go, you know what? Oh, it's a major brand. Right. This guy has... 11 in a row, Johnson TVs. He's a good guy. We wanted to buy a 12th and 13th Johnson TV. Panasonic. Whomever. I'm not saying. Panasonic TV. All right. Well, Panasonic's a great company. Well, until I found LG, and they're better. Sorry, because the replacement TV is kicking ass right now. All right, here's what I'll say about Panasonic. In 2007, when plasma TVs were big, Panasonic was the brand. Sony was your regular HD, your whatever. I forget what the alternative to Plasma was back then. And so Plasma, you got a Panasonic. LCD or Plasma, right. Sony was the best LCD, then Panasonic was Plasma. Then Plasma got phased out and Panasonic got phased out. Panasonic is not a big name in TVs anymore. They make a lot of other great stuff. I can see why. Yeah, okay. But I would have called them and said, look, love Panasonic. Panasonic headphones, Panasonic. I would even mention that, you know, hey, I'm on a radio show. Panasonic's a sponsor. We love Panasonic. Really? On a radio show? Really? Well, don't you think I've tried that before? You've got to work it in, casually. Work it in. Oh, by the way, I have a microphone, and I talk to all these people. I don't want to use that. I want them to do it because, as a customer, I deserve it. But you have to prove you deserve it. Yeah. They get a thousand people calling with, oh yeah, my TV, it's broken. It's out of warranty. So if you get nowhere with them, then what? Then you escalate the conversation? Yeah, you call back. Oh, so you try this story with another customer service, right? Right, and then you hit them up on Twitter. Do they make notes in your account? Like, okay, this guy called with this story. Some do. Some don't. They have notes in the account, some of them. I've noticed that. They're like, oh, we see you called here 10 minutes ago with a similar tale. Yeah, but you can say very easily, you say, you know what, I spoke to a guy yesterday. He told me that a supervisor could help me, but there were none available yesterday, so I'm calling back. So the whole... And by the way, when they say they're getting a supervisor, I'm convinced 90% of the time it's just Ed in the next cubicle. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a supervisor. Bullshit. You're on the same level as him. Same pay grade. Yeah. Hey, Mike, I need a supervisor. Oh, yeah, okay. Right. All right. All right, so then there you go. So when you're in the wrong... When you're in the wrong, you have to do that. You can't pull the free dessert card and the even is not even because they don't owe you anything. Right. It wasn't a customer service. That's right. It's out of warranty. You got to give them the verbal dessert. I'm in the wrong. So I'm thinking we should have Snooki, Nicole Palizzi in studio.

00:34:15
Speaker 2: Huh.

00:34:16
Speaker 1: I have a connect to get her up here. We do have a lot in common. Don't we? I mean... You and she? Yes. No. Well, yeah, I mean, Jersey Shore, like, I used to party there a lot. She used to party there a lot. Thing is, now she's, you know, she's got a family. I happen to know her husband. I was in a fantasy football league with him. But she also has a podcast. And I figure it would be great for her to come on here and her talk about our podcast, and we talk about her podcast, and, you know, we just have a good time. She seems like the kind of person that could get down with us, that there's no restrictions. You know why the fat Jewish worked? You know why, you know, guys like that? Because he could sit down and just be him. All right. Like, in our old podcast that I used to do, we had Stassi from Vanderpump Rules up here a couple times, and she was great, because she would just sit down and be herself. We can talk about that. Do you want her on there? I feel like I wanted Michael Rapaport, and you said, meh. I feel like it would even out if I said, meh. But Snooki would be great, because she would open up, I think. Yeah, because she's shy. She's shy. You can't get her to talk. But that's my point. She would fit right in with us. She would roll with the punches. We would have a regular show, and she would fit right in. Here's what I like most about Snooki. In 2006, I wrote a song for the New York Mets when they were in the World Series. Well, they were going to the World Series. They didn't make it, but they were on their way. And she filmed herself singing the song on YouTube and put it up. And so she was a fan of my work before she was famous. So I would talk to her about that. But I was in her basement, and she has no clue. Yeah. I mean, I was with her husband, and we were doing a fantasy football draft. Oh, nice. We had a fantasy football draft. Well, I can't say anything negative, because you may want to have her on, so I won't. Here's what I'll say. Tweet us, and let us know if we should have Snooki on. And by the way, this is not Snooki 2008. No, no, no. This is Snooki 2017. Maybe 2018. She's changed. By the way, about tweeting us, I want to make a request of our listeners. Instagram isn't really a communication social media platform to go on a picture of me with BB-8 and start talking about other stuff. That's for Instagram. No, that's for Twitter. Oh, that's for Twitter. I'm saying don't go on Instagram... And it's still having conversations that are not about the picture. That happens every time. I know. It's just not really the place for it. Or DM me and I'll have a conversation with you. But it's weird to have like, oh, asking me questions. Give me an example. I don't want to call anybody out. But then people are like, well, I don't have Twitter. First of all, you should have Twitter. It's awesome. But DM me then. I respond to all DMs. It's not a problem. Okay. Or email us or whatever. They should stay on point. On message. On message. If there's a picture of you with BB-8, Yeah, by the way, I loved having BB-8 up here from Star Wars. They should be saying, hey man, nice converse. Yeah, or when's the Brooklyn Boys podcast? That's okay. But if it's like other stuff... The problem, the problem is they have no other place on Instagram to go because they can only comment on pictures and they'll go to your most recent picture. Well, they can DM, they can slide into my DMs or they can email me. My email's on ElvisDuran.com. You can email me anytime you want. All right. Sometimes it's clunky to have conversations online. Because then you get an alert and you have to find it in the stream and scroll looking for the whatever. There's your update. Into the unused punchlines we roam. That is not my rant of the day. I know it's not. It's coming up. Oh, it has an ending you're going to not see coming. We're teasing this. I want to give credit to an unused joke from a texter. Someone texted in at 5500. This is the part of the show where we have unused jokes from the Elvis Duran Big Show. I write jokes for people on the show as the show is live, as it's happening. And the punchlines don't get used. And rather than getting tossed in the garbage, we save them and read them live on this podcast. So we were talking about doing Kegels. Kegels is when women tighten up their vaginal muscles. Whatever they do, they know what it is. For men, it's when you're peeing and you stop from peeing. You squeeze it. and you contract something and you stop peeing, that's the Kegel muscle. Right there in the banus area. It's not really the Kegel muscle, but it's... And you feel it in the banus. Right. Whatever. You're exercising your Kegels. Between the... Right, okay. And the banus. And so a texter called in and said, they should call that puss-ups. They're the push-ups. So I didn't write that. That was very funny. We did a story about Apple is opening up factories in Ireland. Yep. And I said, oh, then in that case, they'd be Macintosh apples. Little Mick joke there. All right. We were debating whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie. And because people say, well, it's a Christmas movie because there was a Christmas party going on when the buildings attacked in the first Die Hard movie. By the way, it's not called Die Hard 1. It's just Die Hard. Okay. And I said, well, if Die Hard's a Christmas movie simply because it has a Christmas tree in a scene, then Jaws is a summer fun film. And they didn't go to that one. There was a story about someone getting arrested for drag racing in a Buick LeSabre. Buick LeSabre is an old guy's car. It's an old piece of shit. No offense if you have a Buick LeSabre. You're just offended. Hold on. Some people are listening to this podcast right now in a Buick LeSabre. Not a new Buick LeSabre. The old ones. The big ones. And I said, if a Buick LeSabre was dragging, the only thing dragging on a Buick LeSabre was probably the muffler. We didn't get to that. A woman burned down her house because she had bedbugs. She tried to burn them out of the bed and she burned down the whole house. So my joke was, now she has rubble bugs. We didn't get to that. We did a story about a woman who likes to... People who marry inanimate objects. That is so... Remember that on the big show? It's so weird to me. So a woman married her scissors. So I said, well, you know, a lot of women love scissoring. We didn't get to that. That's funny. Another woman married the Statue of Liberty. So my joke was, well, she carried a torch for the Statue of Liberty for many years. We didn't get to that one. Froggy said, we asked everyone on the show, if you could marry anything you want, what would you marry? Froggy said he'd marry his bed. And I said, well, sure. He treats his bed like a king. We didn't get to that. That's a cute little pun. That's a cute little pun. Dave Matthews had his appendix taken out, which I wrote, I guess his body is in a wonderland. We didn't get to that. Wait, hold on. Your Body's a Wonderland is by John Mayer. Right, which is why we didn't get to that joke. I didn't want to point that out. Not by Dave Matthews. It would have been a good joke if it was John Mayer. We didn't get to that joke. But if John Mayer has an accent, I'm using that joke again. Right. What happened? Was it Dave Matthews' story again? Yeah, his appendix taken out. Okay. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, I fucked up the singer. That's okay. They're interchangeable. Well, he does Ants Marching. Could you support that song?

00:41:03
Speaker 2: No.

00:41:03
Speaker 1: All right. And then Elvis was talking about how he bought a bath ball. And he took a bath with this effervescent bath ball. And he said, I'm not used to taking a bath with a bath ball. And I said, no, you're used to taking a bath with four balls in the tub. Oh, come on. How did he not do that joke? I don't know. He didn't want to do that. Dude, that was hysterical. He didn't want to do that joke. Oh, I love that one. They're not all great. One of them, I fucked up the singer. That one made my day right there. That's like reaching number one on the old David Letterman's top ten list. Yeah. And finally. And finally. And the number one. Yeah, what are you talking about? You usually have four balls in your tongue. He didn't get to that one. That was my favorite joke. I mean, that joke stands on its own without even having a setup. The fact he didn't do it is nuts. Hi-oh. Anyway. So. I wanted to tell you what I'm having for dinner for Christmas Eve. Yeah, and I wanted to share this with you. All right, but I want to talk about your rant. I'll get your rant, I have a side rant, and then I have a rant. So pick your order. How many friggin' rants do we have? Oh, I got enough for tomorrow's show, too. Shoot, we haven't been on in two weeks. That's right. So I wanted to tell you guys what I'm having. I'm just going to be straight out with it. I'm having sushi. We order sushi on Christmas Eve. It's become a tradition in the Skiri family, held very close to the vest. We don't want to admit it to too many people. Yeah, and because I don't know why we just, You know, to cook for Christmas Eve in the Catholic tradition. When you say the Skiri family, you mean your mom and dad? Yeah. Uh-huh. My brother, my sister. Anthony and Roe? And Aunt Millie. Yeah. Tony and Roe from Brooklyn. This is their idea. They started this. But now, wait a minute. Are you counting? I'm going to get this wrong. Forgive me. I'm not Christian. Right. Don't you guys do the feast of like the seven fishes? Yes. And there's seven fish if you want a sushi. That's exactly how you get it. You got eel. You got tuna. You got toro. You got yellowtail. I got lobster. Salmon. Salmon. And I got shrimp. And there's three more. I got ten fish. Another one. So you're doing the feast of the uncooked seven fishes. Yes. Wow. I mean, it's still seven fish, if you think about it. You're right, because you're supposed to have seven fish. And by the way, I pluralize fishes because that's what it's called, the seven fishes. I know it's fish. But I've heard it referred to in Brooklyn as the Feast of the Seven Fishes. You're correcting yourself before the grammar police come to get you. I'm letting you know that I'm calling it what people in Brooklyn call it, the Feast of the Seven Fishes, whatever. Brooklyn is a step ahead of the curve. I'm letting you know. That was my homage to Brooklyn. Your homage. Well, at the end of the day, it is a bitch to cook. I mean, for Christmas Eve. Because if you're trying to do Seven Fish... First of all, you've got to have like seven people, like a team of people working. Because everything needs to be cleaned. It's just, it takes a lot of time. It's very laborious to put together a Christmassy feast that ends when you gobble it up in three minutes. Yeah, but your mom, Ro, has been making Italian-style Brooklyn Christmas meals for 40 years. Yeah, you know, scugigli and calamari. Right, a little bottle of Sambuca on the table. You've got Sambuca, right? Bacala. A little anisette. All of it. All of it, yeah. So we've been doing this forever. And then a few years ago, she just stopped. And she's like, you know what? She goes, what if we just flip this bitch and just totally do sushi? And so we get like pretty much the best is wrong. The best takeout sushi available in Brooklyn at that hour. Well, they're all open actually on Christmas Eve, believe it or not. And we go pick up platters of sushi. We ordered it in advance. So my mother... A mother one is texting me right now. She's got me on a group text with my sister trying to take our dinner orders. Look at her. This is my mom. She's got me, my sister, my brother. And she's like, alright, who wants what? And then she screenshots... The order from 2015. Mom's screenshotting. Look at her. She goes, do you want pork gyoza? Do you want salmon roll? The yummy roll? Who wants the Connie? Oh, I get it. The yakitori chicken. In lieu of cooking and cleaning. She's taken up the mantle of just putting together the order. Yeah. Okay. That's exactly it. I need seven layer lasagna, mom. That's what I need. Well, that's Christmas day. The next day we do everything. So her ass is cooking. Right. By the way, I don't imply that your mother should cook alone, but I don't think your dad cooks, right? No. He grills. No. Right. They don't cook. But I did convince her a couple of years ago. I'm like, Ma, I got to have baked clams and I got to have fried shrimp. So it's my job. Jesus died for your sins. You got to have some baked clams. It's my job to lug my deep fryer over to the house and take care of that. And I fry the shrimp. So we do fried shrimp on Christmas Eve. All right. But we don't do, you know, we don't do the rest of it. But Christmas Day, that's another story. You got to have the Jesus fish. You got to have that. Which one is the Jesus fish? The one on the back of the car. That one. Got to have that one. Whatever kind of fish that is. I don't know what that is. Anyway, my mother's going crazy right now. I don't know why this can't be done on an email or a quick conference call. She's got to get everybody involved because my phone's like going off, like vibrating, like every five seconds. Zzzz. My sister said. Why doesn't she just put out an email that says, let me know what you want, and then just email her? We ordered seafood salad, too, for the eve. That's my sister. Is she available now? I feel like we should get her on the phone and call her on the carpet on this. That's a lot of food. That's okay. By the way, bringing it back old school from episode one, Mama Skiri, who knew what WTF meant. By the way, we run a promo on the big show now. We all have promos, like little advertisements for our podcasts. And Coaster Boy Josh on our show put together the promo for the Brooklyn Boys. And he has your mother saying WTF, but not my mother. My mother's pissed. Yeah. I'm pissed about that, too. Because it should be Brody's mom and Scary's mom. Should have been. Yeah. God. You're not that pissed because it's your mom. What are we asking her? I just want to talk to her. I don't know what she's handing her tying card. She might see the number come up and specifically... Is she busy making the gravy and the sauce? No. You've reached Tony and Roseanne. We're not home right now. Please leave us a message. By the way, who still has their voice on their voicemail? I do. I don't. At home, I do. Oh, it's gone. It's over. Well, I don't say, hi, this is... I say something obnoxious about the telemarketers because that's all who calls me. No, no. I get on my voicemail is just the lady, the one that comes with the phone. Oh, vomit. Vomit. Well, no, because I don't even bother. Some people I know don't even set up voicemails anymore. Do you remember back in the day when we used to have, so do you know what an idea is? An idea is when you have the celebrity record like, Hey, it's Kesha, and you're listening to Elvis Dread in the Morning Show. Hey, it's Michael Cutlets, and you're listening to Walkers and Talkers podcast with David Brody and Jamie. It's when you get them to say who you're listening to. So we used to have a sheet for the celebrities back in the 90s and early 2000s. And they used to have to rattle off everybody's name. You're listening to Moe and Maxwell, everybody else on the station. And then at the end, it would say, hey, this is Bon Jovi. No one can come to the phone right now. Leave a message, and someone will call you back. And they would record that. Well, we used it once, like maybe in a promo. But then all the jocks would take it home and then put it on their answering machines. So after a while, the artists would come and go, what's this for? Oh, yeah, it's for the radio station. Yeah, I don't do that. They realized that we were just using it for our phone voicemails. So I used to call my house and you would hear celebrities answer the phone. And, you know.

00:48:33
Speaker 1: And it was like, hey, that's the Goo Goo Dolls. No one can come to the phone right now. Who still uses that phrase? So-and-so can't come to the phone right now. My mother. I feel like that is long gone. Nobody says, hi, I can't get... Or who on their voicemail, the few people who do actually leave, actually record their voicemail message, their outgoing message, who still says, leave a message at the sound of the beep? Does anyone still do that? Yes. My mother doesn't. Okay. My mother makes a joke. Or they'll say something like, let us know the time you called and your phone number. Hello, we have caller ID and a timestamp. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Not all phones have caller ID. Old school phones. Not all answering machine messages. Please. Anyway, I had someone call my house. They actually called my house this week from my kid's school. And she calls up and she says, hey, it's Mrs. Blah, blah, blah. I'm calling about your kid. We have some good news. Blah, blah, blah. Well, you have my number now, so give me a call back. Or you can email. Then she left her email. I had to email her because you can't call a home number and say, yeah, you have my number now, so you can call me back. No, I don't. Leave your damn number. So my voicemail doesn't say leave, you know, nobody calls my house, but telemarketers. I have it there in case of emergency or in case family, cousins, whatever, uncles want to call the house. Like if they want to wish everybody a happy holiday, we have the phone number there. Some people, yeah, right. A lot of people I know don't even have landlines anymore. No, we have a landline for people like, who the hell has a landline? We have a landline for whatever reasons. We don't call out on the landline. Nobody calls us on the landline. It's there in case the school needs to call us and get in touch with one of us, whatever, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But she assumed we had caller ID and the whole thing. So I'm very upset with your mother. And why are you upset with me? Well, I'm upset. I'll get to that in a minute. I just want to say, in case anyone calls me on the carpet, being Jewish, you know on Christmas Day, I'm at a movie theater and Chinese food. Always. That's okay, because that's our holiday tradition. Chinese food and a movie. It's a known fact. Christmas Day. That's what we do. No one's in a theater. We run rampant down the streets. It's our day to be big shots out there. We go to Chinese food because they're open and movie theater because they're empty. Okay. That's not the same as you guys eating sushi because you're blaspheming your holiday. You're desecrating your holiday. Yeah. That'd be me like ordering Italian food on a Hanukkah or Passover and saying, oh, I'm going to have lasagna. Can't have lasagna on Passover. It's the feast of the seven fishes. I gave you 10. He gave me 10. Today, you ordered breakfast. Right. Right? You turned into me today when your Greek salad arrived. You sounded like me. Why? When you opened up your Greek salad, what was on your Greek salad? Sardines. Yeah, what did you say? You threw a whole fit. I did. You're like this. It was in a brown paper bag. Who the hell puts sardines on a Greek salad? Yeah, because Greek salad means Greek salad. You don't put sardines on a Greek salad. They don't come on a Greek salad. They don't naturally appear on a Greek salad. A Greek salad has feta cheese, cucumbers, tomatoes, maybe onion, and lettuce, and dressing. That's it. And I said, add chicken. So they added chicken, and they put seven smelly frigging sardines across, laid them across the salad neatly. So the entire top of the surface area had sardines stank on them. I was so angry. I'm like, is that such a, is that a thing? Let me ask you a question. What Greek salad do you know has sardines on it? Let me ask you a question. Did you order it? No sardines? No. Did you ask what the ingredients were? I wasn't expecting to see sardines on the menu. Yeah, I didn't expect pickles on my Chick-fil-A sandwich. But you gave me crap for it. You got to ask what's on it and say, what's on top? What's in the ingredient that you're not listing? That came out of left field. Okay. Who the fuck puts sardines on a Greek salad? It's a Greek salad. I'll tell you who. After this happened to me, I realized anything is frigging possible. I think I told this story on the Brooklyn Boys podcast. You did. The one about the chicken parm? Yes. In a box? Yes. I ordered chicken parm in a box from Ben's, the Italian restaurant. It's a chain, right? They put pickles in the box. Because the manager, because I complained, because the pickle juice leaked all over my chicken parm. Pickle is what you put with a deli sandwich. If I order corned beef, I know I'm going to say no pickle. Yeah. Check out my Instagram today. I put up a picture of my order. You ordered the Greek salad? Yes. I ordered chicken parm hero. And on my order, I wrote no pickles anywhere. Because I don't want some guy going, I'm going to throw him a pickle. I don't want your pickle. Would you like coleslaw with your spaghetti meatballs? Nobody puts pickles with chicken palm. So after this idiot, who's obviously not Italian, because they take a bat to his head in an Italian neighborhood for putting a pickle with chicken palm. After he put pickle juice pickles in my chicken parm box and shook it up real good. And I got pickle parm. After that, hashtag pickle parm. I know. Don't trust anyone. Why? Because as Joe Pesci said, they fuck at the drive-thru. They fuck you on to-go orders. You got to make sure you know what's in that box. So you know what? Fuck you and your sardines all over your Greek salad. I'm going to look at the Benvenuto Cafe right now and see if sardines are part of the Greek salad. I'm looking it up right now. Yeah, you know what? I'm looking it up. Because all I heard was, I said, Andrew, who was taking orders, I said, give me a Greek salad. Sardinia, part of Italy. You should like them. I just looked that up. Yeah, but not part of Greece. It was a Greek salad. It's right in the same area, Mediterranean Sea. No, Benvenuto Cafe. How do you even spell this word? Why are you calling them out? No, I'm calling them out. I called out Benzi, so I have them. You called Benzi. Right. Benvenuto Cafe. Hold on. You're going to call them? I just don't... Call them. You want me to call them? Call them and ask them why they put sardines on a Greek salad. They get 4.3 stars on Yelp. The food was great. It was awesome. I had the chicken parm. I had potato pancakes. Oh, I'm on their Benvenuto Cafe. They got mine right. To go website. Hold on. I'm going to look under salads. Let's see if sardines are on here. They came out of nowhere. I'm like... At first, I didn't even know I had a Greek salad. By the way... Yeah. I... I put up the picture of my order this morning on my Facebook page. And I said, no pickles. Pickles are gross. Because my order says chicken, parm, potato, pancakes, no pickles anywhere. And it's on my Instagram account at David underscore Brody. You can see the picture. Sure. My cousin, who I love, my cousin Diane, my first cousin, she writes back, I agree. We're definitely related. Yep. That's my cousin. Pickles don't belong near chicken parm. Okay. I gave you that. But I know for next time. Do sardines belong on a Greek salad? I don't know. I don't eat Greek salad. Why? Because it's salad. Well, because a Greek salad could be anything. If I have a Caesar salad, I know what's in it. I ask. I'm going to call them. Because they'll throw sardines on a Caesar salad. All right. I'm going to call them right now. Call it. What's in a chef's salad? Who the hell knows? Well, chef's salad is usually deli meats that are, like, old. Yeah, but the chef can put whatever he wants in it. It's the chef's salad. Chef's salad. What's in a house salad? Who the hell knows? There are certain things that traditionally mean certain things. Yeah, but they can throw extra shit in. Like a number one club is always turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato on white toast cut in fours. Because that is classically a number one club. In fact, if you look at number one on all- By the way, if it was a number one club, you'd be waiting outside to get in. Yeah. Number one on the diner menu. You go to a diner menu, any diner menu you want. No, every diner is different. Number one is always that. No, sometimes it's a triple decker. But you know what? When you order a Reuben, you know what you're getting. No, is it a Petrami Reuben, a corned beef? Oh, I'll tell you what. Benvenuto's, the company right here. What's a Reuben supposed to have on it? Sauerkraut. Yep. Swiss cheese. Yep. Russian dressing. Right. Or Thousand Island. Or Thousand Island. Right, usually Russian. Usually it's on a toasted rye bread. Rye bread, right. And what kind of meat? Corned beef or pastrami. That's usually the two, yeah. I was going to have a Reuben, but at Benvenuto, their Reuben pastrami is meat, right? Pastrami, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut. Hold on to your seat. Dijon mustard. Dijon mustard? The fuck is that? That's not a Reuben. Not a Reuben. But even Subway, the chain, their commercials are on TV right now. These commercials are running nationally. They're running national commercials about the Reuben is back. They even know how to do a Reuben. Right. Are you sponsored by them? No. Okay. I'm not. A Reuben is a classic sandwich. My point is, people will do whatever they want. Certain things have connotations to them. When you say Greek salad, it does not mean sardines. But this place put mustard on a Reuben. They don't put mustard on a Reuben. I got to call them. Then it's not a Reuben. I'm going to call them right now. Get them on the phone. I wanted your mother on the phone, but you get them on the phone. We haven't called a company in a while. This is good. Pickle parm. My God. I'm upset now thinking about pickle parm. The number you have dialed is not in service. Dumbass. Please check the number and try again. No, this is the number. Clearly it's not. You know what? The phone's probably overloaded with people complaining about their sardines on the Greek salad. They got four and a half stars, though. It doesn't make any sense. Don't you think Greek, by the way, speaking of Greek salads, I love a good gyro. I know it's a gyro. I'm from New York. I'm calling it a gyro. All right? It gyrates around on that little slight, that meat spinning thing. Hold on. I order it meat and tomato only. You know what they say every time? What? You don't want the sauce? You don't want the sauce? I don't want the cucumber sauce. No sauce? That's what only means. Meat and tomato only. You know how many times they put the sauce on anyway? Every time. I can't trust anybody anymore. Oh, they're ringing. Oh, I guess the number was wrong on your end. In my head. Hello? Hi, Benvenuto. Yes, how can I help you? Hi, if I was to make an order, I don't have the menu in front of me. What is in a Greek salad? Feta cheese, calamari olives, onions, cucumbers, tomatoes. red leaves. That's it. What was that? Is there anything else? What? Anchovies. Oh, anchovies. Huh. Not sardines, but anchovies. Is fish on there? Yes, sir. Is that Greek? Definitely. Definitely. I've had Greek salad before. So is your Greek salad more authentic by putting the sardines on top? Anchovies? Anchovies, yes, sir. Anchovies. Okay. All right. I'll call back with a bigger order in about five minutes. All right. Thank you. I should have asked about the Reuben. You hung up on him. So it was... Hold on a second. So they weren't even... They were sardines. Sardines. They were anchovies. I don't even know the difference because they both smell. You're a fish racist. And they're both disgusting. You think all fish look alike. That's racist. So anchovies. So I was eating ancho. Even worse. All right, you could have taken them home and had six more fishes and then you would have had your dinner. So I was eating... Six more fish. I was eating anchovies. Yeah. Did you eat them? No, I fucking... And not only that, but that whole top layer of my salad I threw in the garbage. Oh, because it had anchovy stink. Yeah, it had anchovy smell on it. Now, if it had sardines, you wouldn't have eaten them either. You don't like sardines or anchovies. No, I don't like anything like that. Like that. That salty canned fish. You know those fish? Salty canned fish. You know those fish? Racist. Yeah, I need a skate key to open the can. No, I don't want any of that. Spam fish. Yeah, that's what it is. It's the spam of fish. Yeah. It really is. Both sardines and anchovies. Yeah. Wait, but they didn't have heads to them. They cut them off. Yeah. They were the famous headless fish. They filleted them. They were spread out. I'm telling you, it was almost like someone was playing a joke on me. Freaking putting anchovies. Hey, listen. You heard the guy. He claims that's more Greek than regular Greek. If you're Greek. That guy's uber Greek. If you're Greek and you're listening to this podcast right now. I'm going to, hold on. And you're telling me that it's tradition to put anchovies on Greek salad? Salad, anchovies. Hold on. Okay. Then I apologize. But I've eaten a lot of Greek salad in my time. A lot. From a lot of different places. And never, ever, ever is it an option. Hold on. Genius Kitchen has a recipe for Greek salad with anchovies. I'm looking at... Yep. Baby green Greek salad with anchovies. Apparently... But that's if you add to it. I could say baby green Greek salad with chicken or shrimp. But... Does it traditionally come on the salad? Let's look at Wikipedia. Wikipedia's explanation. There you go. It's a Greek cuisine. Let's see. Feta. The norm. Feta cheese as served on Hydra Island. Cucumbers are peeled. Main ingredients, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, feta cheese, olives, usually Kalamata olives, salt, oregano, olive oil. All of that. Hold on. They even had the Kalamata olives. Kalamata. Those are the squishy ones. It was great. Bell peppers, capers. Fine. All possible. Yeah, go ahead. Let's see. Greek salad is often imagined as a farmer's breakfast. Variations. Hold on. Variations. Other salads in Greece. Nope. Outside Greece. Let's see. Outside Greece. Let's see. Greek salad is served in France. Oh, here we go. This is where we get screwed up. Liberal supply of onion. An American Greek salad served with lettuce. Yep. That's fine. All of it. Denmark. Yep. You're not going to find it. They made it up. The people at the Benvenuto Cafe made it up. This is their concoction. The same way they concocted that Dijon mustard goes on a Reuben. Pepperoncini, bell peppers, radishes, occasionally on American-style Greek salad. Ah, here it is. Here it is. Stop, stop. I knew you'd find it. Multiple cube shake cuttings mixed with the vegetables and olives are the most standard elements in an American-style Greek salad. But cucumbers, pepperoncini, pickled hot peppers, bell peppers, onions, radishes. Name everything in the garden. Hold on. Dalmatians and anchovies slash... Sardines are common. In Detroit, for example, Greek salad includes beets. Are we in Detroit? Hold on. It includes beets. And in the Tampa Bay area, it includes potato salad. Get the hell out of here. You can't put potato salad in a Greek salad. You can in Tampa. The home of the most strip clubs in America. That's what I'm saying. It's like these are variations. Boobies and potato salad. We're sitting in New York City. But you know what? You're an American, and an American Greek salad could have sardines slash anchovies. But I guarantee you can go on Wikipedia. And by the way, don't change it because it's a wiki. I know you can change it. Right now, if you go on Chicken Parm, it doesn't say pickles. Yeah. The two do not go together. Therefore, your rant is... Unjustified. Because Benvenuto is like, I don't even think that's a Greek name. It's an Italian name. So you're trusting an Italian place to do an American Greek salad where you could have anchovies slash sardines. I will tell you though, they chopped it. I asked them to chop it and toss it and mix in the dressing and they did. And it was delicious underneath, right? The underneath was delicious. You fingered the bowl. I saw you fingering the bowl and getting the dressing. It was disgusting. You fingered the bowl. It was disgusting. You almost gave the bowl the shocker. That's how much you like that dressing. All right. So should we save the rants for the free dessert podcast? No, I got to do one. I got to do my UPS rant. Let's do the UPS rant. All right. And then we're going to close this one out. And then tomorrow, we got more. So this one... I don't know what's going to be left. We've done so much today, so much material, that I think we're going to have crumbs left. We'll have plenty. Don't worry. Here we go. Okay, so it's package sending season. Boxes are arriving all the time. Every hour. Now, my house... Some of them have food in them. Yes. And I eat it. My house, to get to my house, there's a driveway and there's a little walking path from the driveway, and there's five steps to my little porch area where all the packages go by the front door. My wife says to me, hey, when you come home, there's a giant box blocking the staircase from UPS. Okay? Giant box. Huge box. Not for us. So I said, well, what's the box for? So she says, it's addressed wrong. Now, I'm not going to use my actual street names. But let's just say, hypothetically, I lived on a street called Rosen. R-O-S-E-N. The box said it was addressed to Rose, right? So I live on, let's say, Rosen Street, okay? The box was addressed to Rose Drive. There is no Rose Drive in my town, but there's a Bose Drive. So not only was the address one letter, the street name one letter off, but because Bose became Rose, it was delivered to Rosen Street, not Drive. So I can see what the problem was, but it's not my box. Giant box. Too big for me to lift. I don't know if they got a dishwasher. I don't know what's in there. But it's from Bed Bath & Beyond. Bed Bath & Beyond. Somebody messed up the label. Of course. So we do the right thing. We see the person's name. We go on Facebook. I thought you were about to do the wrong thing. No, I always do. No, I don't do the wrong thing. So we go on Facebook, try to find the guy's name. Anyone know this guy from Bose Drive? Admirable. Nobody knows. I can't go to Bose Drive because it's a gated, it's a private townhouse community. Of course. I can't even get in there. I can't bring the box. It's too frigging heavy. It's blocking my staircase. So I called UPS, right? I don't even look at the tracking number. I don't know. My wife said it's from UPS. There's a tracking number, whatever. So I'm driving home. I'm driving to see my mom. So I have like an hour drive. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to make a phone call, kill two birds with one stone. So I call UPS up and I get, I don't know what country. And I tell the guy, this is the situation. Well, can I have the tracking number, please? And I said, I don't know the tracking number. Okay. Here's why I need the tracking number. I said, look, I'll give you the name on the, on the box. I'll tell you the address. I'll tell you where it is. I'll give you my address on Rosen street. You can go pick it up without the tracking number. I can't do it. No, no, no, no. Look it up. Look up bed, bath and beyonds account. Look up. I'm telling you the name of the address. It's supposed to go to the guy's name is like whatever. Moldovia, whatever the guy's name was. Look it up. We have no record of any shipment to Bose, Rose, Rosen, nothing. So at that point, it becomes yours. And that's where it should end. So I'm like, listen, the box is blocking my staircase. Get the box off my staircase. Well, I need the tracking number. I'm not going to be home till like 11 o'clock tonight. I want the box gone by tomorrow. I'm giving you my address. When your driver gets there, he can scan the box. He'll get the tracking number. It's not my job to have the tracking number. It's not my box. It's not my box. He says, I didn't know what it is. Right. And I'm not trying to ship it anywhere. I said, it's your customer. You figure it out. I'm already, I don't, by the way, I had to wait on hold 23 minutes to get to this guy. Because why? Because it's packing. It's packing season. Sure. We're experiencing higher call volumes today. Blah, blah, blah. Okay. I get it. So I got that Bluetooth in. I'm riding in the car. Whatever. Listen to music. I'll wait 23 minutes. I don't care. I get the, the guy's like, I can't come pick it up. I'm giving you my address. The guy's on my block every day. I get shipments every day from Amazon. Just tell him to take the box. Why don't you just let it sit there until the next day when he makes the next delivery? You knew that he was coming back. No, the box was already there two days because we were trying on Facebook to find the guy. The guy came and left. We had to sign on it. Take the box. He didn't take the box. How big was this box? I want to say it was... The size of a refrigerator? Dishwasher. So maybe like four and a half feet by three feet and heavy. Big box. I would have dragged it into my basement, cut it open, and friggin' seen what it was and put it on eBay. That's you. I'm not taking no because... No, if it was going to be... You know what? Because you know that the person who it belonged to was getting their free dessert. They're like, where's my fucking shipment? Where's my dishwasher? Not unless they hear this podcast. Fuck this. Okay. You know what? Maybe it was something important. And they would have gotten themselves a washer and a dryer for free. I'm a good Samaritan. So I say. No, I am too. I'm not taking the guy's box. I'm a good Samaritan to a point. All right. So I say to the guy, listen, I could take this box and keep it. And then you're going to have to pay to ship another one and Bed Bath & Beyond is screwed. I don't know who made the mistake. I don't want the box. I'm trying to do the right thing here. Come get the box. Without the tracking number, can't get the box. Just give me the tracking number. I don't have a tracking number. I go on. Give me a supervisor. I don't think there's a supervisor. Now, by the way, the guy was barely understandable. He was not from, like, Nebraska. So I said, look, get me a supervisor. Hold on. Hold, hold, hold. No supervisor available. Bullshit. Get me the guy in the next cubicle. Nobody can help me. So he goes, I'll get you a supervisor. After I'm yelling, yelling, yelling. This was like 15, 16 minutes I'm on the phone with this guy. You want the track number? I'm like, here's my address. Rosen Street. Not coming. Hold on for a supervisor. Hold on, hold on. Click. Disconnected. You don't hang up on me. It's your box.

01:10:34
Speaker 2: Now I got to call back because I'm trying to be a good person.

01:10:37
Speaker 1: And now the wait is 46 minutes. So I'm like, you know what? I'm going to call back and I'm going to rip this guy because they must have made a note of who I was on the phone with. Screw this guy. So I get on the phone. I call back. I wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Another 18, 19 minutes, whatever. Now I get a woman on the phone. The woman sounds like she might be from Nebraska.

01:10:57
Speaker 2: Booyah.

01:10:58
Speaker 1: I hit the jackpot. I tell her my story. I need the tracking number, sir. So I go through the whole thing with her about Rosen, Rose, Bose, the whole thing. I don't want the box. It's blocking my staircase. She says, no problem. We'll arrange a pickup. Oh, there might be light at the end of this tunnel. So, yeah. So this, I said, but the guy before, listen, he's being difficult. Buy the book. We'll come get the box. It's on the steps. It's in front of the steps. You can't miss it. You're not going for free dessert on something that has nothing to do. No, I just want the box. No skin in this game. I just want the box gone. I was going to say, you're not on the shit. So I'm like, I'm flaming mad. I had you hung up on me. She says, okay, sir. We'll come get the box. We're terribly sorry for the inconvenience. It's our mistake. I'm like, yeah, it is. Yeah, okay. I'm going to go with that. We'll come and get the box. Great. Do I need a confirmation number? Nope. It's not your box. We're going to come get it. We'll figure it out. We'll work it out. Okay. The next day, I come home from work. Now, so I'm driving home. I get home from work.

01:12:05
Speaker 2: Uh.

01:12:06
Speaker 1: I get home from work, it's like 5, 6 o'clock. It's nighttime. My wife is already gone for the day. She's out with the kids. She's not going to be home until 9 o'clock. As I'm driving home, I'm thinking, that box better be gone. Yep. I pass the UPS driver. He's on the main street where I get home. He waves to you. No, he doesn't wave to me. I see him. So I know he's probably already been on my block because he's in the other direction. Oh, I'm like, fantastic. My box is gone. Goodbye. I get to my house. The box is still in front of my house. They didn't come. Oh, no problem, Mr. Brody. We'll come to Rosen Street, and we'll get your box. They didn't get the box. So what do I do? I turn my car around, and I floor it. You chase the guy down. I chase him. So he makes a right on a side street with speed bumps. So now I see him up the hill. He's going up the hill with the speed bumps. So I'm like, driving fast, slow down. Driving fast, slow down. I'm hitting speed bumps. And I have a low car. You know, my charger is low. And he's in the truck hitting the speed bumps like a pro. I'm like, this son of a bitch. He went to get the fuck out of there. His shift is over. He's going home. It's like 6 o'clock at night. So I finally catch up to him by like the seventh goddamn speed bump. I pull up alongside him. He must think I'm going to rob him at this point because I look like a police car in my black Charger. So the windows go down. He opens the door and he says, can I help you? I said, yeah, you can help me. I got a box in front of my house that you guys delivered from UPS. and you were going to take it. I was told you were picking it up. He checks his computer. I don't have a pickup. I'm so sorry. How could that be? I told you the lady in Nebraska. She told me to arrange a pickup with you. So he says, where are you? I said, I'm on Rosen Street. Oh, I was already on Rosen Street. Well, you didn't pick up the box. He says, well, I'm done for the day, but I'll tell you what. I'll swing by. I'll get the box for you. I'll take the box, no problem. I got a couple more routes around this area. I'll swing back around. Did he swing back around? Hold on. I'm like, you know what? You're a good guy. Just take the box. It's all I'm asking. Okay. 20 minutes go by, a half hour. I'm looking out my window. I can't enjoy dinner. The box is out there. It's haunting me. Finally, I'm like, oh, to hell with this. I go to eat dinner. There's a knock on the door. It's the UPS guy. I opened the door. I said, you found your angel. I said, I said, so there's two parts to this story. So I said, oh, thank God. I said, thank you for remembering and for being a man of your word. He says, I can't take the box. I said, I said, well, it's too big. I got a bad back. I can't help you. He says, no, I can't take the box because it's FedEx.

01:15:17
Speaker 2: After all that, and all the phone calls, and the yelling, and the screaming, and the supervisor, I chased him down! My wife assumed it was UPS and told me UPS delivered the box!

01:15:37
Speaker 1: So I'm embarrassed. I'm mortified. I'm thinking about this podcast because I was ready to... I was like, podcast, bitch. But now for real. So the guy's like, I can't take it. It's FedEx. So I said, all right, I'll call FedEx. So I called my wife. I said, you know, I've been dealing for two days with UPS, right? Yeah. I said... So I said, yeah, guess what, honey? It's FedEx. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. So, okay. So I call FedEx. Don't even, don't even tell me. They said, no, tell me sorry. I did it on the website. No problem. They're going to come the next day. They're going to get it, right? I come home the next day. The box is gone. Love it. FedEx got the box. Good. Nope. I go up the five steps. There's boxes now for holiday boxes, Amazon, everything. There's a box from UPS, and it's a little white card taped to the top of the box. It's a holiday card. And it says, from your favorite UPS driver, season's greetings, I took the box for you anyway and brought it to the guy, even though it was FedEx. Oh, how nice. What a good old-fashioned Christmas miracle. Yes, but he did it in an envelope with a holiday card. That is so nice. So now, wait a minute. I have to tip the guy for getting rid of a box that wasn't even my box. The guy on Bowes Street, Bowes Drive, he should be giving him the tip. He brought him the box. Jesus. I have to tip him now. Now you have to tip the guy. For Dylan to take in the box. Now you're down how much money? That wasn't even my box. I'm going to, don't worry, I'm not cheap. I'm going to give him something. He's a good guy. Right. But now I'm out the money because the guy, because Bed Bath screwed up. So you somehow took a loss of being a good Samaritan and screaming your ass off. I should have kept the thing. I'd be up 25 bucks. Eikevalt. Eikevalt. So that's my UPS rant. Where are we from? Brooklyn! The Voice! From Brooklyn! Brooklyn! The Voice! From Brooklyn! Thank you.