#50 BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR! - Unbeeped Phone Taps! Bonus Rants! HAPPY 50th EPISODE!!

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Speaker 1: Anytime I see an article online that says voted best blank, I pay attention. Well, best hot dog. Most likely the best hot dog you'll ever eat in your life, says The Gothamist. The best hot dog I've ever had in my life' says Barstool Sports. This is the top hot dog on Coney Island, and it's not Nathan's, says The New York Post. Brody, It's all about Feltman's Feldman's of Coney Island. I am all about Feltman's because it's summertime and you're eating hot dogs, and other times you're not eating good hot dogs. And it's a good chance while you listen to this podcast, you're headed out for Labor Day weekend shopping. Maybe you've got some hot dogs on the grocery list because you're gonna be grilling and barbecuing, and make sure it's Feltman's of Coney Island. And if you go into somebody's house you don't know what the hell are gonna serve, You don't look kind of crap. Why don't you bring some Feltman's with you and they'll go, hey, what'd you get this? These hot dogs are great? Oh? I got him they're Feltman's. We've had them. They really are superior any other hot dog. Why because there's no garbage in there, there's no night rates, there's there's no fillers, no unnatural ingredients in the Feltman's of Coney Island hot dog. I mean it all came from Charles Feltman, originated the hot dog, made the hot dog famous in eighteen sixty seven. And then that guy Nathan worked for him, did the spinoff business that he cut the price, he undersold them. Yeah, and now everybody thinks the hot dogs Feltman's. Nathan worked for Feldman, Right, so why not go to the original the best. This is a Brooklyn story right here, people happening unfolding. It was revived by Michael Quinn and his brother Joe Quinn. Yeah, well they made a smart investment. They took a great product and they revived it. And now you can have Feltman's hot Dogs on their website lan dot com. It's f E L T. M A N S of Coney Island dot com one of yours, or you can go to their location at eighties eighties St. Mark's Places, New York, right there in the East Village. And if you're not in New York. You go to the website. Uh, they're popping up in stores all across the country. Amazon dot com, Jet dot com. You can also in person go to Fairway Market Morton Williams and Mrs Means if you got one near you, or Feltman's of Coney Island dot com. You know who loves Seltman's hot dogs? Uh to Cia Kallbayashi. He's the guy that won the hot Dog Gett Conta a couple of years ago. He eats like in a fifty in a in ten minutes. He loves Feltman's hot dogs. He could have any hot dog he wants. You gotta try this hot dog, folks, this is the one. Feltman's of Coney Island. Start up up Brooklyn, Brooklyn. Buy well, I can't, so we got start. It's a holiday week. I gotta go right now. Episode fifty The Brooklyn Boys Podcast, got grilling to do? I got hot dogs to grill. We gotta roll? Why are we here on our vacation? I got because people want out another episode and we can't delay Episode fifty? And who left the fucking can only kick out there? And furthermore, how old is that? Can only Kike that's been sitting still here. Oh my god, I balked by this, uh you know, the Elvis de Ranchow living room with there's no show on right now out and there's nothing going on. But there's a half eaten cake of cannoli, a giant canoli on top of a cake and it's a sponge cake and I'm like, it's got chocolate chips in it, and I couldn't resist And there was no forks, so don't ask. Oh sorry, well, good thing I didn't ask you to pass it to me last episode. By the way, from last episode, I know I didn't update what I was gonna update. I texted my friend Jeff to see if he was okay in Hawaii, and I never go back to you. He texted me after the episode ended and said, it's down to a cat one at the time, which was last Thursday, right, he said, down to a cat one, He goes, We're fine. It was a little crazy for a while, but it looks like wouldn't be okay. But how is it possible that we're here now and we're supposed to be on vacation because I'm in Hawaii right now. The magic of technology. Yeah, because we've already recorded this before we left. You are wearing the same shirt you wore our last episode, so were you. Why don't you take a shower, you bastard shower You haven't showered since last episode either, Steak, You're awful, dude, You're terrible, all right, So this is listen, this is a bonus. This is a bonus episode. We were gonna go and take vacation and like how many, But here's what we did. Two weeks ago. We sat down and we said, what could we talk about? We don't have We don't want to give the impression we have to three hours to do two episodes. We don't we don't like, well, you do two episodes that week. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna do some of our normal stuff. And then, because it's episode fifty, first of all, thank you for for fifty technically fifty one episodes because if you count zero, but it's episode fifty, um, and we're celebrating with the half eating canoli cake that's right, and and the hot dogs. I really thought the cake was for us. You know what, what if it was for us for our fifties episode and it's just someone just got into it before we did nothing screams. Thank you for your support throughout these fifty slash up you know, technically fifty one episodes. But this is a special episode. We've got some things for you that you may may not have ever heard before. We have some pre recorded segments that you're gonna love and um scary and I are gonna give you. People have been asking for this forever long time. We are both going to present to you. We went back in the archives in our home computers and found two of our favorite phone taps that we were able to find that are unedited. Cursing. Well, these are cursing. This cursing right means cursing with no beeps, so that means you're gonna hear it. You're gonna hear the curses right now. It's tightened up from the hangups and the boring ship still edited. It's edited down from like an hour and a half. But these are we I know mine. This is like two thousand tens filthy um so so well, we'll get to it a little while it's bad. I listened to it again last night and we when we whatever, we aired on the on the elbow straight Morning show a lot of what You're gonna hear. Not only was it was it beaped. We had to take lines out completely because the set in the question I asked her, there was no way to beep it. I was like, oh do you blank your blank in your blinking as filthy? But okay, so then will go first, exactly because mine is bad. I mean, I asked this woman some stuff. Yours is another level. It's yeah. I I listened back to it, and I know it's me, and I go, how did I ask this woman these questions? And we were actually doing it, we might as well just tell because the reason we have on edited. We busted a joke I believe for a TV show that we were doing. Because we don't say we've been phone tapped on them, I don't think, oh yeah, so well no, I don't know how So in case you don't know, In two thousand and ten, Spike TV gave us a TV show. Brodie and I were on a TV show called Phone. There were six of us. Danielle was part of it anyway, Hule great, he was on it. PHO W N E D Phone it's an IMDb yeah, uh and we yeah, so we were all on it. Garrett was on it. We did the front. TJ was and they were they videotaped on for television. They they had they filmed act they filmed people so you could see the phone tap happening. And uh yeah, and we and Brody and I were we were all feet all six of us were featured on TV for an entire week. Every night that week was a new episode, a thirty minute episode of the TV show Four Prank Phone Calls. Each one had four pranks. But here's the deal, they're not online anywhere Spike TV. Uh put their head in the sand and they're they're shamed of us. Yeah, they don't. They don't air this anymore. That it was a pilot run. It was a trial run. And then the same crew, the same director and crew that did our show, after our show was done, went and did uh started in Practical Jokers with our with our friends at Practical Jokers j TV. So P J. Morrison and all those guys that did our show went and started uh Practical Jokers. How did that happen? I don't know. They had more luck with those guys. But speaking of he came to our event that we talked about last episode, the one New York Summer and the Summer Bash, right, so it was our event Zephen hundred was throwing at n York. Have you heard us tell the stories of being on stage and all that stuff last time? So Joe Gatto shows up, our buddy who, by the way, in two thousand two, I believe he was at a Zehn hundred New York event. He wanted dopey dance contest and he won, and he want a trip somewhere and he got to meet everybody on the morning show, and then he won another contest. We got to hang out with our morning show for the whole day, which so we've been friends with Joe Gatto like sixteen years something like that. So the fact that we met him the first time ever at the South Street Seaport and now it's the Seaport District area, I was like, Joe, it's like coming back full circle. So Joe comes in with Moe Bounce, who does knights, and see a hundred and one of DJ's and their wives. His wife Betsy all right and so very very sweet woman, love Bets. She's very nice. Anyway, Joe walks in like like he's a rock star. He doesn't act like a rock star. He's just like casual Joe from stut Island. He's one of our buddies. You heard Joe Gatto on episode twenty four I believe of this here podcast. He's he's one of the guys. But in practical Jokers is a massive hit, globally globally massive. It so here we are at this event for our radio station, and he got more pictures taken, small autographs and a bigger round of applause and screams when we went on stage. Oh can I say a little behind the scenes? Can I gettle behind the scenes? Joe ganno is a friend of as a fan is a fan of Liam Payne. Oh is that? When he was even there? Well he came the event. I was like, oh, you're here because your wife Betsy likes Liam Payne. Just no, my wife likes country musical or more. She likes Liam. Liam is cool, But I'm the I'm the Liam Paine. Now. What you may not know is they are even bigger in in uh In in England huge, The Jokers huge. During Comedy Central, they play the O two arena and they sell it out like five nights. I bet they can't even like walk around our buddies. So he wants to meet Liam Payne. So they go to the people who is handlers, and they go, hey, Liam is really busy. He's you know, he's getting ready for go on stage. He can't really you know, come out right now. He's doing makeup and hair whatever he's doing. He's a little busy. Maybe later, Like okay, fine, whatever. So Mo Mo bounce our buddy, who, by the way, Mo bounces the voice of our morning show. When you hear Elvis Duran in the Morning Show, that's Mo Bounce. So Mo takes him to the side of the stage and Joe he could watch the show from the side of the stage. He watches the show from the side of the stage. Liam Payne comes off the stage and before Joe can say anything to him, Liam Payne goes, oh my god, it's Joe. You're Joe from the Jokers, And he got star struck by meeting Joe and he's like, oh my god, we love you. Oh my god. You know that's my Liam payin accent right perfect now like is Liam pain on this podcast? And uh so they exchanged phone numbers and like we gotta hang out in England. You gotta calm. I want to come. I wanna watch you guys film The Jokers. I want to come to the set of your show. So he is Joe getting denied because he was busy, understandably didn't didn't have a chance to meet him before he went on comes off the stage. He wants to meet Joe phenomenal Joe, Joe Gatto rock star. He really love him. We love him, Mark sal They're all great, entire the entire group. But isn't that crazy At our own event? Joe Gaido is getting more accolades and he's the kid who want to dance contest nobody rule number one be on TV not but but if I'm more than four episodes, Yeah, all right, I got We got a couple of things. We're gonta clear up. That's some email mail talk. Okay, that sounds like it's time welcome. You've got mail. We're on vacation. We gotta go quick. Um. Jennifer Murphy wrote to us from the Facebook fan page Elvis that that was the Brooklyn Boys podcast on Facebook. Please follow that. She said, Hey, guys, I have an idea. Instead of snowflakes, you should play Crimeer River every time we have a Snowflake moment. Now. Now, now I'll tell you why Carmier River doesn't work. Now. I think it's because these people of Snowflakes that complain about And you know what, Danielle Monaro from our show, not only not only does she loved the Christmas music that we played for Snowflake, but her on her instant story last week at Radio Daniel Monaro, this is the kind of way she supports us. She's a big fan of this podcast. But she was driving into into um towards the Brooklyn Bridge area to come to the summer bash that we had down by the Seaport district, and she passed a sign that said Brooklyn Bridge Manhattan Civic Center, and she put it up on her Instant story and it says listening to the Brooklyn Boys podcast while sitting in traffic. She supports and she loves the Snowflake bit. So we're not changing. Matthew vilaio v I L L A R R O E L wrote, Hey, guys, you can say my last name uh in the SubTime lime. Ironically we can't uh in the subject line scary Brodie just sounds better Uh, all right, let me just say I love your chemistry each with each other. You guys make me laugh so hard on my way to work. I've been a fan of the morning show for over ten years now, started listening in order six months ago. Worth it because I'm finally caught up Scary. I love you to such a humor and your kindness toward others. You have a big heart and you really make my day. Bertie, your quick wit and fits of anger really make me enjoy the podcast only because I can relate to having some terrible customer service experiences. Really appreciate your work and your dedication to all of your loyal fans. Um Might I suggest your fan are you be called the Brooklyn Nights? I think we all got a little bit of Brooklyn and all of us when we listen to you all. Might I also suggest you guys have to invite Bill Burr on the show. We he would be perfect. I working in Victor watch story in Miami, Florida. I would also like to know the address of the radio station. I want to send you guys some watches on me. Why did I not answer this? Watches on us? Hey? You know what time it is? Time send me a fucking watch, mat watches, Uh, Peters seventy seven, Agnes, Eric, Jasmine and everybody else who wrongs you guys, Matthew, thank you so much, Matthew. Feel real. We're gonna have to send him back an email with our addresses. I would love it. By the way, should we have Bill burn the podcast, we would have an opportunity. I got an email the other day pitching Bill burd to come in here in studio. What do you think? Yeah, Bill Bursa, GENI said your two emails about it all. I did not see an email about Bill buck You, Brodie, I'm in for Bill Burr. Fuck this up, dude. I don't know where you sent them. I'm in for Bill Bark. I sent up for ars. I sent it to you twice, and I'm like, hello, Brody, anyone home hold on? Then you must have gotten your dress. No, no, Brodie, email world on email work unless you get to two emails and you annored them. I'm trying to get like dirt like you should have opened that email. A one email from yesterday. It says Bill Barr interview. Uh, I'll tree a theater nine? Is this for us from Pam? Yes? Read read below. Who's a j Read below? I have attention. Let's I don't know where the five critically, I know who Bill? Yeah, and here's your phone number nine seven. Okay, okay, anyway, can I tell you Bill Burston. I'm not gonna tell you Bill Bard story. If we get Bill Burr on, I'll tell you the Bill burd story because Bill burg got super famous at an event where he was heckled and went back at the crowd epic rant, epic grant. And I was there. Many people will tell you they were there. I was there. You were there, Love Bill Burn. Bill Burn. Bill Barr is the one of the one of the best stand up comics working today. Okay, are continuing along, all right? Dear Brooklyn boys, Grammar Police on full blast, Rema police police, VA Police, Frank Murillo talking about that, ESPN b under says Brooklyn boys. Uh, here's the ground police on full blast. Two. The first two are Canada related. ESPN cannot spell raptors so live from Toronto t O R O t O. Uh. This was either on their TV screen or on a podcast, and then they spelled. Then they spelled raptors r A P O R T O s report Tos versus the Pistons on ESPN. That's terrible. Where was that? It looked like it was on like a an app screen for a computer for whoever the ESPN has on their online can't spell for ship. Oh and then the next one is from Michael Rappaport. Michael Rappaport, Oh man, oh, I'm sorry. That was from the I Have a Rappaport Stereo podcast. Yes, the Rappaport having grammar. Police called on him right there. That's awful. And then finally, I was at a White Sox game this past weekend and there was a marriage proposal blunder. Oh no, somebody proposed on the freaking board. Julia, my love, will you marry Mr? Well, that's not that's not his fault. Yes, you've been made, but you know what, that was all for all to see on the board. A ground police loved the podcast, and yes, Scarios Brody a steak dinner. Fuck you, Frank, I don't know you a steak dinner anyway? How do you get that wrong? If you're in charge of the scoreboard, you had one job. You you spelled for the scoreboard. These people don't put the ship up on the scoreboard. Well properly they and they are next to each other. Well, whoever typed it in on the scoreboard made this asshole, I'm sorry, made this dude look foolish. Was the guy who put the spore board thing the place. But imagine the look on the guy's face. What he said, Hey, Julia, look up at what I got a question for you? Like Mr who like you? Right? This guy deserves you think he's got his money back because you have to pay for that. You don't, Yes, you do. You gotta pay for those scoreboard announcements. You don't well, A lot of places they do well whatever. Um. Also, um, Brian Woodley, you could say my name, I don't care. Hey brook and boys, It's Brian from p A. I grew up in Harlem. Uh. I wanted to say thank you for having me on the podcast. Oh he was the guy that actually, um was one of our phone calls a couple of podcasts. Anyway, quick free dessert story. I have a fiancee and we will be getting married in October. I booked our honeymoon back in November. Last month July, I got a phone call from the resort advising us the main pool including the swim up bar, will be closed for construction during the week of our stay. The only compensation being offered was a one day voucher to assist a resort to you is their pool. After seeing the sad look at my fancy's face, I asked myself what would Brody do? After three days of back and forth on email, I called the resort and spoke to a manager. Used the line, this is what you're gonna do for me? Yes, I got them to move our reservation to the system resort without pool construction. But even is not even Here comes the free dessert. Bring it. The room is bigger with a better view. They're giving us an upgraded honeymoon package with a sixty minute couple massage and a three D resort credit. Boom boom. I will continue to spread the word about the podcast. Please keep up the good work guys. Congratulations on growing the podcast and getting close to fifty episodes up. By the way, this is number fifty. Ps Brodie, don't get mad I missed. I missed the old school Scary Jones non on list. I used to do happy birthdays called nanas Wow. That was like fifteen years ago, concede in my hashtag Brody and scary and maybe brody my let you bring it back. I love you, guys. So this guy wants to compromise. He wants he wants the birthday list brought onto the podcast in exchange for Brodie Skery. Yeah, yeah, right, whatever. Uh, Doug Curran writes to the Brooklyn Boys Podcast. Okay, I talked about Doug last week. I talked about Doug last episode. Well you didn't read this email. Day Dog is a verified on Twitter fan of the show. All right, well, he wrote to us at the Brooklyn Boys, a little boys podcast at gmail dot com. Oh wait a minute, Dog, you better get this right. Go ahead, now, it's a question for us to ponder. When people die, many say gone too soon? Who's gone too early? Please discuss You guys are the highlight of my week. Gone too soon? I think he means gone too late, gone too soon? Who has gone too early? The same people that have gone too soon? I don't understand. I don't know he said he said. I think that up. I think he meant to say. He wrote, when people die, many people say gone too soon? Because that's true, right, So who has gone to early? Meaning like no, I think he meant. Why do you say gone too soon? Who's gone too late? Nobody like you never said? Oh he he died right around the right time. Well he died, Uh he may he funked it up? Dougs on television? Dog you up? Dog? Doug? What'd you do? Man? Anyway? But thank you? What do you do on TV? The TV person loosens us. Yeah, he's on TV. Um, I got another couple of free dessert stories. You want to talk us on TV and Texas you can look him up. Well, Doug, write us back, tell us what you meant? What about waste Hillsman? In her free dessert story That Christmas holiday, I purchased a hotel collection robe online at Macy's over a hundred forty dollars off. I ordered a medium, but it was way too big when I tried it on. The online store was sold out of the smalls in all four colors. When I went to the story to exchange it, that specific story did not carry that collection. They called the nearest store to them. We're told they were sold out as well. The manager wrote on my receipt that they would honor the price I originally paid whenever it became available again, whether in store online. I also called the online department to confirm, but about, but about. Waited months until finally came back in stock online, but the price was significantly higher. I spoke with a rep to have them honor the price like they promised, but they had no notation of my call. I documented who I spoke to at the time and told them I would have it purchased. I would purchase it sooner, but they've been sold out until now. After much back and forth and several supervisors later, I finally got them to honor the price I originally paid. I waited for my order only to have them lose it not once, but twice. After much frustration and complaints, the online supervisor overnight in my order and gave it to me for free. Saved myself a hunting any books. I may have had a wait three months from my robe, but it was worth the free desserts from a little a little bit of advice, here's what you do you want? You got the Medium in your house, right, the small is online, but it's not the same price. They're trying to trying to f you. Right, you buy the Medium at the Small online at the reduced price you then return the medium with the full price received from the small. And then when they go, oh, this is for a small, not a medium, you go, you take that. You take the UPC code off the medium, and you go, oh, this didn't have a tag, so they just grab one off the rack and scanned it, and they must have grabbed the small very slick. This way you get the price of the more expect the least less expensive one, but you you buy the one you want at the higher price and then return that one when you didn't want at the higher price. So let's see it all evens out. It's not stealing one quick free desert from a drummer. And then, and by the way, there is a debate. Speaking of drummers. You always say race shremmer backwards is drummer's ear. But that's if you were if you read his last name, their last name first, and then their first name right, that's a band. But it's actually it's actually ear drummers drummer's ear. No, you have to say the whole thing backwards like you're reading, like you're reading spelled wrong Hebrew. They did this on a tonight, so they talked about it. It's ear drummers. Okay, I'm just saying he could go either way, but L. J. Johnson wrote to us first time free dessert. Hey, Scary and Brody in parentheses Brody and Scary. Don't pressure me. However, Scary's name is alphabetically first. It's Anthony, right, so that's anyway first name. Anyway, I've been a listener since the off air show. That's the old podcast I used to do and tweet you guys all the time. I wanted to share my first ever dessert free dessert. I'm a drummer and I needed a certain symbol to complete my setup for a gig lass. Saturday, I found one used online with Guitar Center in New Jersey. I live in Connecticut, so I bought it with two days shipping. The symbol came and opened it with excitement until I saw it was the wrong size. Normally, I would have just returned the symbol at the local store and try and buy the right one, But since listening to Broody and his amazing tips, I said no, No, I'm going to Twitter. I sent out a tweet tagging Guitar Center and how I'm said I was, and I was tweeted back within fifteen minutes with an email addressed to contact sent the email, and the next day the storm manager from the Jersey store called me and apologized, sent me the correct symbol with the next day shipping, refunded me the price of the shipping, and gave me off the order since I didn't get it until Monday. Wow, gig was Saturday, so he already was past the time of the gig. I love that I didn't even need to argue to get my free dessert. But he knew even was not even I just finished the seventeen hour car right the other day and replayed a bunch of episodes. Thanks for all you guys do L J. Johnson, that Mike drop on that lots of free dessert, lots of ranting and free design. I got a free dessert story real quick. You got a free dessert story. And then I want to place some of our audio. Yeah, we got a lot of stuff to play, all right, So I promised you last week I was to get into a couple of things I want to complain about. Let me do the mini rant here. Uh. It's not a national chain, but they might be in your grocer's freezer. As they say, white Castle. White Castle one of my two favorite Well, I have a bunch but two of my favorite fast food places or Taco Bell and White Castle. And I told you about the problems I've been having a Taco Bell. Now White Castle has an app to order food. It's very clunky. It's not as well designed as the Taco Bell app. In fact, if I could find the guy who designed the White Castle app, I would strangle him or her. It's terrible. But you know me, I don't like things on my things. So I placed an order for the hamburgers, the cheeseburgers or cheeseburgers. Rather, the cheeseburgers come with little diced onions ketchup and pickle right, the halapino cheeseburgers come with I think it's just onion whatever. Now you know me. I love Ketchup, Love love Ketchup. However, when ordering White Castle, I don't want to catch up on my burger because it's not Heinz Ketchup, and I only eat Heinz Ketchup. You will not find me doing commercials for other ketchup. Heinz Ketchup not a sponsor, but they have hunch paid you a boatload of money. Hunts couldn't pay me a boatload of money because people know I eat hinds ketchup. There's no other thing is if Hunts wants me to talk about the tomato sauce. I like the little the tomato sauce. My mother us to make meat loaf with it. I'm fine with that, all right. So on the app, when you order a cheese burger, you pick the cheese you want, and then it says onions regular double or none. I put none pickles regular double or none double, the pickle not have any pickle. There's no option for no ketchup. But there's a little white box at the bottom that says additional details. First of all, if you're gonna put ketchup on your on your freaking burgers, and you're gonna put pickles and onions, three things why you're making an app? But only two options? Are you giving me no pickle? No on you? But no no catchup? Right? There are people don't like catchup. I don't like white castles catchup. They assume most people like ketchup and half of the burgers. For my daughter who doesn't like ketchup on her burgers, she's weird that way. I don't know whose kitch is. So I ordered. I put a little box no catchup because you have a comment section right right, you can actually right now. It would have been great if there's no checkbox that just said ketchup, double ketchup, don't catch up? Doesn't have that idiots, they only have three things. You can't put three things on your app. The app is gonna crash. They give me two things, three options. I get two options. Fuck you, White Castle app. Okay, so I order everything now. The Hallapeeno cheeseburger catchup isn't even on it. You know that's comment catch him. So I get to the window, I get the order, pick it up right. I look quickly at my food. I look to make sure there's no onions and pickles. I'm good. I drive off. I eat a couple of cheeseburgers in the car because I can't wait, and they're like, you know, big day A sliders, there's catch up on my cheeseburgers. I got, all right, let's catch up the hallapeno burgers, on the other hand, or for my daughter who likes the halapenio burgers. So I eat the Chedda Burger. This catchup on the Chedder Burgers. I get home, I said to my daughter, here you go, picked up some white Castle who loves you. I give it hallapeno burgers. She takes a bite, She goes dad, why is there catchup on the Hallepenia Burger. I'll tell you why this catch up on the Hallepeenia Burger. Because there's assholes deciding it out for white Castle. There's no option to choose no catchup, but there's a box. The box says additional comments. The comment was, no catchup. You're killing yourself slowly. White Castle is killing you in other ways. So I call the main number. I call the eight hundred number. I tell them the story. Oh we're terribly sorry. We're gonna have someone get back with you right away, a regional manager right away. I said, I want somebody from corporate to call me to talk to me about how bad app is. And then how about how all of my food was catch up by mistake. I spent like thirteen dollars whatever it was. And so I said, I, you guys need to make good on this because my daughter, I've got a five Hallypeeni and cheeseburgers. You need any of them, we'll have someone call you with it. This was Friday. We'll call by Monday, Tuesday, the latest I get so, I said, okay, but please don't call me till after twelve noon. We do the morning show, do the fifteen minute one show podcast, this podcast. Don't come into twelve nine o'clock. Wow, nine o'clock, bitches. I get my phone rings. I don't know the number. I look a good voicemail, runt eleven o'clock. I checked my voicemail. Hold on, let me see if I can pull it up here. Tell you this is the guy tells me, Uh yeah, you'll hear it. Hold on? What nine o'clock is? Uh? Fringe? I appreciate o'clock. I appreciate that he's trying to help me out here. So then why don't you get into Why don't you take the call then we were on the air. Dude can't okay? Yeah, well I don't know hold on, no, why does this? I understand it? Bro? Do you you want help? The guy gives you a help to help it on for help. The guy calls you, and and now you don't want to help. Um. I apologize about your order that here our location. Um, yeah, no, no, howlds a good guy. Howld's good guy? Now look how's that corporate? How Old's like the manager from that location? See, I know that he's like he's boots on the ground, boots on the ground. So I call Harold up. I'm terribly sorry. It couldn't have been nicer. Okay, that's nice. He's trying to help you out. He says, I'm gonna give you coupons for for uh you had eight burgers, was six into ten, whatever it was, I'm gonna give you coup on to all of it. Right done. That's nice. Right, that's nice. I said, Well, that's that's good. I said. My daughter din't never lunch. But that's very nice of you, I said, come here all the time. So he says to me, you know, I said, but you know, I feel like, you know, my daughter didn't get dinner. Come on, no, no, no, no, no, no no no. I said, but that's very nice. I said, you know, I I didn't push it. It's very nice. I said, it's just unfortunate. I said, not only did you does it? I said, look, truthfully, Harold, it's the APPS fault. It's not your fault, it's apps fault. Right, He had nothing to do with it. So he says, you're right. He goes the the app doesn't say no catchup. Uh, that's a that's a mistake, he says. Uh. He says, you know what I'm gonna do. You know what I'm gonna do. He says, next time you come in, I'll give you a coupon for a free crave case. Really the big case like like in them whatever is I said, I don't even ask that. He goes. He goes, you're very nice, understanding, He says, So I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a coupons for the food that you that you we messed up and because you were so nice, free crave case, free dessert, free crave case. Good. Yeah, you gotta have free desserts. So I'm just saying, shout out to white Castle. Good people. Good. I like a story that ends well. Right now, I still gotta deal with the app people in corporate. No, I gotta fix the app. I gotta have talking somebody. But I didn't want to say shout out to White Castle. They did right after their app fucked me. Now here's we're gonna do for the next to the rest of this podcast. You're promised the gutter company in the rip off exterminator. You want to keep going, Yeah, I wanted to get to those quick man. Then we're gonna just do the the audio that you're gonna love. Right, So I need a new gut a company because my gut a company the gutters on my house with the leaves gathering the water runs down right. The last seven companies are shipped. They're terrible. They leave the dirt from the gutters on your property. They don't put the screens back. There's always a problem. I have a gardener, I love a pool guy. I love. I can't get a good gutter company because they change employees all the time. I get to go, oh, this guy is the best. He's in town. He's the best. Terrible, terrible. You know what the guy one guy did. He took all the dirt that fell off the roof and he brushed it under my table on my deck, like the table when you barbecue your picnic. He brushed it underneath like and there was a tablecloth on at the time. You couldn't see it unless you looked underneath. And I called the guy. I go, do your guy, you're you're you're your guy. Hector, he did under thing. He goes, I'm Simon Actors new and I'm so sorry. You didn't offer me anything. Nothing, not like I I'll give you a half off. Nothing. He just said, I'm sorry. You know, Hector, he's a new guy. So anyway, I got rid of him. So I find this company highly reviewed. The Facebook says they're great. Everybody says they're great, yelp, everybody loves them. I get a coupon in the In the coupon envelope, you're not gonna find a flow with this company, are you? No? No, no, So I get a coupon. If you booked them for two cleanings, they give you tempert sent off. But if you hated him after the first cleaning, you'll locked in for the second cleaning they booked. They they nail you. Anyway, I emailed them, I go, hey, this is the kind of house I have. I want to get an estimate, you know what I mean. So they asked you for the address, and they go on Google and they look at your house with Google images. They see how big your houses. Now I'm paying around the same price all the time for my gutters. This company gets back to an estimate and they go. They get the estimate is thirty five to fifty five dollars more than I'm currently paying. So I write them back. I go, I said, listen, I'm sure you guys are great. They do a good job. But I had I've had bad luck with companies, but I really can't afford thirty five to fifty five dollars more than what I'm currently paying. It's a lot of money. Uh, if you could do it like for like, you know, twenty more than what I'm paying. Uh, you know, I can maybe work something now, but fifty five dollars more than i'm paying, because you don't know until I get to your house, they're gonna say fifty five. They're gonna go, oh, here's the range. It's always the most. So the guy writes me back. Let me get the email here, pull it up. You know love this. I can't argue with the guy. I was kind of mad, but then I was kind of like, so you tell me what you would have still need his help, right, I mean with all the bad gutter companies. Well, here, what do you think that if you want to make friends. At this point, I'm not going to be mad at the guy. Hold On, I want to pull up the right right email. You tell me how you you would have handled this email because my wife says he's kind of right, and I said, yeah, but he's kind of like me, all right. Hold on, uh oh, he wrote back, Um, uh, thirty five dollars more than you're paying is the lowest it would be. I'm sure you've paid lower than us, but there's a reason why you are looking for another company. If you're happy, you wouldn't be looking have a great day. Well, there you go. He got you. Well. Part of I was like, oh, fuck you with the sarcasm and the halt, have you happy? Wouldn't have to been there, And then I thought that he would he would actually respond that way, but he wasn't. Like I don't think he meant it like with sarcastic font. I think he was just pointing out the obvious. I've gone through a lot of go to companies paying less money. But then I would have written, if I was here, like, you've gone through a lot of gutter companies. So maybe the problem is you. Oh you're a prick. The problem is not me, I like I have. I am very I've told you this. I'm loyal to the companies I like. But the gutta companies I've used are terrible gutter balls. They're they're in the gutter, they're trash. So every time I use a new company. One guy I liked, I liked him great reviews on Facebook and the town paid great reviews. Right, I love them, So I used them, and then another company came in and was like, uh, listen, we want to do your thing. Give you a half price for one cleaning whatever. I was like, well, have price. I called the guy I was using. He goes, I can't make it for a couple of weeks. I'm going on vacation. I got my gutters are clogged. I need my gutters cleaned because I can't. It's something I can do. I'm booked, and then I'm going away. So I use this other company. They were terrible. New Jersey's Best. That's out their name. Any time you say you're you're the best, you already said you you love that, Like last episode, be careful, well no, no, no, no, you have to read you have to read the reus. I'm gonna say. Usually they go I wasn't good. I wasn't gonna make a statement, okay anytime. So you know, it's like every pizza box that ever lived. You've tried all the rest, the best, like to me the word best. It's been desensitized by those fucking pizza boxes because if you're I mean they all. First of all, it's the same fucking print. I've seen it all before in America, uses the same ship. You've tried all the rest, now try the best. So I've kind of become de sensitized, and I don't take the headline. There's a commercial that runs in New York all the time. I'm not going to mention name in the company, but they say New York's freshest seafood. You can't possibly being New York's fresh at seafood. If there's one seafood place on the water that's catching the fish and putting it right on the plate, you can't possibly know that. In all of New York, a massive place where a thousand seafood restaurants, you can't be the freshest seafood. You can't even swear to being tied for first. Somebody is fresher than you. You're in a landlocked establishment. You're in the middle of Manhattan. You're not getting water out of the water near here, so where's it coming from? Right, you're not on the water. You can't be the freshest. You're lying. Shut up. So my point with the gutters is this other guy, when he couldn't help me out. I got the other company, New Jersey's best. They have New Jersey in their name. Whatever, they were terrible. I called the guy back. Now I haven't used him in six months because he missed his Like when you get a hand cut from somebody else, when you get another headcut, you haven't seen him in four months because you you skipped the haircut. The guy raised his price thirty five dollars, like a whoa, wa wa whoa, He goes, yeah, yeah, at times, you know, I gotta raise the rates. Things are more expensive. Blah blah blah, I got more expensive. You're using my water and your gloves. What do you mean you're raising the price thirty five dollars. Yeah, that was last year's price. So now he's out. So my point is this guy, he sort of has me. I don't want to lose, I don't want to pay more, but what are your options? I mean, who else is even in the area. You've exhausted everybody this, you've exhausted. You can start from a a why don't you pass the peace pipe? Why don't you Why don't you extend an olive branch rich? Because I don't want to spend fifty I'm not saying, admit. And if he's not good, then I pay fifty five dollars and you gotta try it. I don't know, you gotta try. And if I he's the thing though, if I do the two bookings, I get ten percent off right, which would be almost the increase on what I would pay, So it would be worthwhile. But if I book him for two and I don't like him after the first one, I'm fucked on the second one. You got you gotta roll roll the dice, dude, you got it. Take a gamble. I could be at a hundred and ten dollars. It's a lot of money, but it's it's a small risk for a potential of a high reward. You might have found v But what if I like him? But if I like him, I'm out fifty five dollars every six months. I don't want to like him at that price, you know. But I gotta say, dude, you moveing in through seven others? What's your own? I know, if I buy a Porsche, I'm gonna like a Porsche. Do what you can for is do it yourself. Then, got you by the ball, got me by the try all the rest. Now try the best Okay, pizza box? All right, one last one, exterminator, go for it my way. I am so glad I don't live in a house. Well, this is gonna bother you more, all right. So I have a wooden deck, and on the railing of these problems. On the railing there's a hole. It's about two inches wide, and it looks like it like somebody took like, uh like an ice pick and chipped away at it. Right, there's a hole there. So my wife says, you're gonna call the exterminator. Now, we have a contract with the exterminator. They calm every quarter and they do this is right. This is the company I told you. If they call me one more goddamn time before before the ten o'clock, I'm dead. That's it. They're done. So I like, I have to call somebody. I'm like, maybe I have termites. Right by the way, don't be a snowflake and complaining said goddamn at, please don't be all right? So, uh, the exterminati comes and he says, what happened is he's like a forensic scientist, he's like a crime scene investigator. He says, what, oh, I can tell you. I want you to hear this. I want you to hear the guy have a voicemail because because he he'll explain it. What time did he call you? Uh? Well, okaymail left. Okay, let me guess while we're on the air. I don't want you specifically tell them not to call you. Yeah, this happens all the time. Can you tell where in vacation mode? Hold on, hold on, he's listening to I gotta say, okay, yeah, let me get a bright today. Okay, this is the ready best control. Sorry, I'm calling you before eleven, but I'm out here at your deck right now. Is you have a carpenter bee to drill holes in your deck, and then a woodpecker came and pecked it out. Okay, trying to get to the carpenter bees and the law and the pupid that's in there. Um, your general service doesn't cover that, but we could upgrade your present quarterly service to include the carpenter bees and the carpenter ants, and that would be turning in seventy five initially and then one one quarter, just raising your quarter five dollars per all right, So, so, Mr crime scene investigator, what was the first thing? He said? Wood? So he so, first of all, Mr personality. Mr Personality says, I'm sorry I called you before eleven. I had one role. Don't call me before eleven. But he acknowledges that he was doing the wrong thing on the voice mail. Okay, hey, I know you're allergic to uh to uh to uh peanuts, but I put peanuts in your food. He's still gonna have anaphylactic shock problem. He's still gonna go in a You can't compare anaphylactic shock to a simple absolutely, you know, I don't want you to call me, just wait, wait till later. Anyways, at least he acknowledged this is the extermination company I've been using for a decade. Listen to me. So the package I have doesn't include corpenter ants. He figured out, you heard him, carpenter bees, right, they got into the hole, right. And then a woodpecker. Corpenter ants made the whole corpenter bees which must live where carpent rants eat. They went in inlaid larva, right like so bees would grow. Then a woodpecker came by and chopped at the wood to get in there to eat the larva. He can tell all this from a whole, right, yeah, okay, you don't tell hold on two and if I want him to include it in my package, one quarter and it'll be part of my deal. So if I ever have carpent durant's eat my decks, or carpenter bees can then fly in plant larva, so on woodpecker can come in. I'm covering. So my wife's his wife gotta get it done. If they eat up the whole deck, we're left. It's like let me, let me, let me get a second opinion, right, what are carboner bees? By the way they sing, I'm on the top of the world. Look carbon bees, carpers. I'm just saying, well, my carbon two bees. My guess is, and you guys don't have to tweet. It looks like Dutch boy. Yeah, paint um. Well anyway, have the hammer loop on their jeans and they have a tape measure. I'm just it's a funny word to me. I don't have these problems in the city. Okay, okay, big big shot department. I get the second the second company to come look and let's see if I got the email here, hold on, you should have had it ready. I want I want to read to you what the email said. Dude, you are just full of home improvement issues. I know. Hold on, hold on, it's fucking tool time. Here told time. Oh my god, let's see. Hold on, he's looking through. I would love to be a carpenter b on your on your emails right now. Here's what the second company said. The whole is from a B, not ants. If you're seeing ants moving around in the deck or in the house, that changes everything, he said. But what happened was how happened was it looks like uh, carpenter ants may have made the initial hole. A carpenter b laid law vote and a woodpecker chopped away at your wood. There is no more sign of carpenter ants. The larva has been eaten by the woodpecker, and the woodpecker has no reason to come back. Buy some wood filler from home depot fill in the hole. Okay, number one just saved two v. Number two just found myself a new exterminated company who doesn't call me before eleven o'clock and number three and six months when I have no deck, will look back at this and I should have paid the guy to right, because you can't be too sure that that guy was right. But they both somehow knew it was carpenter ants comper. That's what I'm saying. That's that's too elaborate of a story for the guy who have just which is why the second guy, I knew he was right, but his solution was more practical, killer and cheaper. And now I've got two seventy five which I can waste on the gotter guy until you don't have a deck in six months. Now, let's play the first piece of audio. This is a rant from the last episode of your old podcast I was it was at the time, it was just Share and I. That was all that was left from the dust settled. In fact, this was around the pivot point where we split off into separate pot where Brody and I created this podcast, and then I decided to continue on in another podcast with Share, which I still do to this day, and that's called speaking volume, right, nice plug? Yeah, we have to, yes, but this was actually the fork in the road because and then episode zero that was really the what's gonna what's gonna happen? Here? I got called in. I was upset about something I was obviously I was about to rant. Uh. This was technically my first rant, I think, uh in the podcast format, and so a lot of you may not have heard it because the old podcast didn't have as many listens as our our Brooklyn boys. Uh and uh, so here here it is. It's me. I think I'm complaining about leftovers, right, so this is let's take it away. I eat leftovers. He looked right at me and said, I leftovers. So whatever you guys discussed before, you may have to catch me up. I was recording up, just plugging. We're just talking about I never end so working on vacation. Everything would be as a topic. So you just mentioned leftovers. If I could bitch for just a second ahead, okay, okay, held on a second. I was raised. I got to get the proper. I was raised in a middle lower end, middle class family. My father was a police officer. We didn't have a lot of money. We call those blue collar blue collar Well he actually wore a blue uniform. He was a police officer. So him, by the way, yes, thirty two years as Okay, So we didn't have a lot of money, so I would get hand me down clothing from my nieces, my cousins, right, and my mom's nieces and nephews whatever my cousin's right. I would. I can hit bicycles. And I was raised to save things, conserve, And if I didn't finish what I ate, I had wrapped it up in tin foiler and tup of were and we had it as aft over the next day. And I would come home from school and I loved leftovers, loved him like you got used to this. I would come home and I'm like, oh my god, I have four different types of food. I said, Chinese food, little Tian food. It was like like a buffet. I see tinfoil, My eyes light up, no kidding, And I know, I know it's aluminum foil. Don't please, don't don't tweet me. And I called tinfoil as well, why oh yeah, it's made of aluminum. But it was tinfoil like a hundred years ago. Ok. My Emily still calls a tinfoil by the way, right, Sometimes you call it clean X when it's actually Scott tissues. Leave me alone. You know. Sometimes you can make a copy and you say you made a xerox of it, but it's not you're using Okay, we get it to the world. Happened we used at um now, Okay, So I made coca cola, but it used to have cocaine in, right. I make a little more money than my dad did, and I take my kids out to dinner a little more often than we went out to dinner. And so my kids will order, like, you know, off the kids menu, but now the lolder they order off the adult menu something and something. It's more food than they can eat. So they'll be like a half a Hamburger and I'll get a you know box, I need three to go containers. No, I'm not taking this home dead. Oh yes you are. Well, I'm not gonna eat it. I knew you were going to go there, so I eat it. So I end up gaining weight because I eat everybody's leftovers. So I have to gain weight because my kids don't know what it's like to grow up in a blue collar family in a little because you're spoiling that now, it's all their faults. Should I eat old food? I got a fresh food today? Why should I yesterday's buffalo wild Daddy. I don't want to wrap up that food. I don't want to take home. It's funny, yes, I really even six dollars on the plate. It's funny you brought this up. I was just talking about this with a friend of mine. Apparently she claims she gained fifty pounds for from eating leftovers from her kids eating. It's called like there has a name for it, but like you're eating eating after your kids. So if you have kids, especially when they're younger, like like toddlers, and and even in those early stages as a parent, you eat a lot of mac and cheese and chicken fingers, right because they leave three on the plane, like all right, I'll go wrap it and you eat one before. And we come from a time and a family, and at least I do where you do not waste food. You do not throw it away, so it has to get wrapped up or you eat it. And that's what happens a lot at restaurants. And you know, my daughter, I opened up the garbage to throw something out and it was half a slice of meatball pizza. You can't, I can't do that. One of my kid I said, oh, would fall on the floor. Isn't into garbage? I was done, right, you know, until I am dead. You don't throw out him. If you're done, you wrap it an aluminum foil. You drive him crazy with my eating or it's like, well you know I don't I okay. So that was a problem. Then my my oldest daughter is a vegetarian, almost a vegan, right right? How did that happen? Not not all vegans, but my daughter is. I love her, but the hard eating thing. I want meat. And she's like, so we'll order a pizza, right and you can't order a pizza with a slice with no cheese. So she'll take a slice and she'll pull thee Oh god, i'm your daughter. That's what I was just gonna sit. So so throws the cheese out. What are you doing that extra cheese? You give me the cheese, that's right, cheese. Offer my cheese to people, okay, offer it. Or she'll like, I have have homework, I'm gonna eat upstairs. I go. You put that pizza down here and you take that cheese off here, or I'll take it off because if you go upstairs, it's going to the garbic. That's right, Like, oh, no one's around. You don't throw a slice of pizza cheese. You can. I can either put on bread and make a pizza bag or lamorrow morning, or I can put it on my pizza. Have double cheese, right, double cheese pizza is by you, Brett. You could dip it in. So yeah, I know that's crazy though, that's crazy anyway, alright, saying leftover bits left started, Well, the reason why the way kurtent Enthusiasm is back next month, Yes, because it's my life. When you see Larry David tell him that he ripped it off, David Brodie. So there you go. That's nice. There you go. There's me, I getting upset about leftovers and the school. The first I guess technical rant of me, and you write the last episode of the old podcast and then um yeah, and then the rest was history. So I got another rant, Like, you know, I remember that afternoon when you when we finished and we clicked we shut the mics. You're like, I feel that felt really good. I feel really good. It feel it felt great to get that out. Oh my god. And I think that's where the rant was born. Yeah, so we wanted you guys to hear that because percentage wise some of you might have heard it. Uh. Now we're gonna play one more rant that you may not have heard, and then Scary is gonna play a phone tap that he did for the TV show, a unedited yep, right, and then I have a phone tap that it's unedited. Right. So here comes to rant right now. This was on rand Morning show, but he said he wanted to feature the Brooklyn Boys. This was last week or two weeks ago, sometime in mid August, and I got to rant on the Big show about a problem that I have often. This is making Brodie shake. I'm thought in the sweat, I'm gonna go to that restaurant right now and the fight for you. Okay, he gets mad. Remember the time where we went out and you said I'll have a diet coke and she brought you a coke? Did you do you remember this fight he got into and I said, I'm terribly sorry. I was very nice. You remember I said I ordered a diet coke? No ice? Would you guys all know I order? She said, well, you ordered the coke, no ice, but probably glad to get you a diet coke. She shouldn't have said that, because everyone at the table shuttered and was like, oh, no, he didn't. I don't drink coke, No, I diet that and I know the difference, So don't try to pass it off like, oh, that's just the syrup must be off. And then Nate says, what if they spit in the drink. I gotta be honest with you. I'd rather have to spit than the calories. I'll take the diet coke. But don't tell me. In my whole life, I've never said cult no ice in my life, not even like on my birthday did I go, Hey, I'm gonna have a coe. I'm gonna just go crazy Willy knowing neverli it's one word. That's all I drink, scary, What do I drink? Glad to shut up? Lady could get a customer, right, Okay, Elvis got Elvis? Isn't now if we can't get Elvis, listen to the podcast. We did the podcast on Elvis. That's all that's awesome now, and now we're gonna take you to a couple of phone taps. Now, these phone taps were might have been called phoned that we might say, you've been phoned, because again, we were doing it for that TV show that we talked about at the top of this podcast. It was on Spike. It was two thousand ten in December. There were four Glorious Nights Monday through Thursday of that night, and this show ran. Those repeats ran a lot after that, and then they just disappeared off the face of the Earth. Goes to show did and get picked up. That's what they call pie lit episodes four pilots on IMDb dot com. You have a TV show and I was in it, Brody was in it, and a couple of other of our friends from the Morning Show. Once my book comes out, I will have had a TV show, a radio show. Well I'm on a radio show, three podcasts, and a book like the Principal Media. Yeah, it was that Is that qualify you for an el Got? An Egot and Egot el Got I think was in Lord of the Rings. But anyway, all right, so so here's here's one of those phone taps. Here it is Hello, hold on, I'm looking for Kayla please, Yeah, okay, look, Hi, how are you. This is Richie from Silver Star. Hi. How are you good? You got the problem? Yeah? Yeah, what's the latest here? What do you mean whoever booked it didn't attach you to a car because it was a no show on payment. So we don't have a car for you. Oh my god. Yeah, nobody's called me back now three days. I didn't have the number. It couldn't come up my phone. You must let him go to voicemail because he was a block number. You're like, oh, this is an unknown number. I figured I'm not gonna pick it up. Why are you being so mean? Because I had a car for you on Monday, But I don't have a car for you now. I didn't get any miscalls. I'm sorry. Bullshit. Okay, but you don't have the cruising me. You don't have a digital phone. Yeah, but we're straight to voicemail. That's a bunch of ship. The last couple of years, nobody wants to talk on the phone anymore, but I want to just text, text, text text. He was losing chair of all of this. He told me that it was I don't have any cars. I mean I have a I have an eighty seven Chevy. Is that a limo, not to my brother's car. But I mean, if you can hold six people, and if you put one person up front, like between the driver and the passenger, we'll just flip up that little cushion thing and we're good. Is that all right? I mean it looks new. It's gonna be dark anyway. You're not gonna see the dance. I gotta figure something out and get back to you by all right, here we go, Mitch. Wow, Hello, we don't have a one. I'm gonna come at me. All right, all right, what's what's wrong? Can hardly hear you? Calmed down? Why? I'm sorry, Calm down. We'll get it resolved. But calm down, take a lap. Listen to me. Who do you speak to? I don't know? It was gone series going, who's calling me? It was kind of thing. I mean, it wasn't like it was taking us. There's no windows. Was now I might be the one, mom, but now the so what are you saying? I listen to me. Worst case scenario, I'll just take you in the van. I don't and then am I seeing your prom I'm not taking your ugly any other partment on the woman? It mean inside the prom is where you want to be? What's so terrible to go on the van? I don't want to go, I'll go. I don't any what you what? I'm gonna call her now? Let me call her hold On Jaylor please uh huh. By the way, just for the record, I doubt your number and it's restricted and you answered it. Please stop? Oh excuse me? Are you graduating high school? I didn't know any problems to begin with? Is that you know that you're jaded by watching Super Sweet sixteen and I made my fabulous prom and you've figured everybody else to take care of details, and then you don't have to deal with any of it, right, throw your hands in the air and say, oh, just take care of it, daddy. Plus another thing that you're not realizing here with the second that we see prom next to a person's name, it goes right to the bottom of the priority list. Because we know what happens on these problems we left from it. We had not like any of those stupid drunk okay really now, yeah, I was never planning on doing any of that. I'm better any stupid high school kid because I hate most of them stupid. I always care about is getting runk. But that's not like thing. Somebody threw a bottle of pop off out the window. We know, you stick your head of the moon roof going who down the street used condoms? All we need is to be pulled over by a cop and then all of a sudden, like underage sex is going on in the back of the limo. I can hear the stories all the time. I know I'm not like that. Yeah, but what about your slutty friends? Nice friend? Are you sure? Listen? Every girl has a friend that spreads quicker than peanut butter and you know it. Oh, he's on the job. Let me get your father. You're on the phone. Hold on, Mr Gross, I have your daughter Kayla on the phone. What are we gonna do? I don't have on the phone right here. Yeah, they don't have a car. So the options are we take the red man, or we take mommy's car. You got a red van. I haven't read. Yeah, family, it's a what nothing? Is it? Carpeting? Yes? Yes, that's perfect. They can have their sex there. Come on, I don't even want man. You carry her through life and you can't handle this one thing while she does absolutely nothing anything. I know, I know all about you guys, I know all about your kids these days. Come on now, I watched the shows. I watched Spike TV. You know what's even worse than that. It's Scary Jones from the Elvis Duran group and you've been phoned me. It was a joke, that's a that's you know what. It was funny it did. Yeah, it's so much better on edited. Yeah, I really was. And we were told, hey, look, guys, be as filthy and raunchy on this TV shows just Spike TV, Spike TV. I kind of told the line a little bit, but Brody, it takes those words very literally. Well. Listen when Spike TV, which at the time was a very male driven UH network, it still kind of is. They said, we want sex, we want profanity. Want you know what you guys do on the Elder Show, we want word, we go over the top. Just give us everything, go for it. And here's a result of that. I apologize in advance. Hello, Hi Son you My name is Jimmy Carlson. I'm the new banquet manager and uh wedding coordinator. Okay, nice to meet you. I have to clean up the mess that Rustle left. He was pocketing some money and doing some deals. I don't want to disparage the man. I've never met him. He booked a lot of things for a lot lower rates to to seal the deal. And so that's why I'm calling you. Well, we're not gonna we're not going to change what was my contract. Well here's the thing. Oh, you gotta be kidding me. You've gotta be kidding me. I have a contract that says seven dollars ahead. That's for a cocktail reception including yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw the contract. You know what he low balled you, man. I came out of those prices. We you haven't put the money down. We got some uh, some problems go on with what Well, it looks like we can only provide four to five chafing dishes for you rather than I know you agreed on like twelve or something. Come on, you can't. I'm gonna have a stroke in a minute. I can't believe my wedding is three weeks away telling me you're gonna give me free chafing dishes. I'm fucking serious, lady. I'm trying to help you out here. You're giving me a hard time. I'm just trying to help. You just told me there's gonna be three dishes instead of the whole situation that we agree on. I have a contract, and now you're telling me I was gonna do passing around bacon dick. All right, I'm talking about maybe one thirty five a person instead of seventy a person. If you're a freaking mind what a person. Listen, lady, you're rage. You should be thrilled to be getting married. You should be without worried about the food a little things. You did just say that to me. You did not just say that to mey Listen, my mother got remarried. She went to the justice to the piece. She did it quiet, like she didn't wear white, make a big deal out of it. First of all, I don't even freaking know, because there's no way I'm gonna get married like freaking kids that would disold me if they were not. Why am I even explaining this to you, crazy lady, someone's marrying you. Oh my god, Now you're telling me because seven dollars ahead, it's I can put the reception out in the parking lot. You don't put my heading out in the parking lot. I got a tent for a grand I could probably do it. Fect we'll do is we'll we'll do the cocktail hour in the hallways. What you said, are you listening to what you're saying. You're telling you we're gonna put a tent in the parking lot and several girbs in the playlet. I mean, this is unacceptable, sonya. How old you not? Your acording to you? Sixty eight sixty something like that. You sound like you six of all. I'm not sixty eight. I'm six two a few months now, and I look pretty damn good. She talk to my darter's grass and they think I look good. That's great, that's great. Hold on, let me see what I can do. Hold on one second, hold on, hold on, hold on, hello, Can you hear me? No, I can hear you. Fun. She wants to seventy dollars. I think, my god, I can hear you. Good. He's fucking crazy. She probably got a big, fat ass. I can do everything you're staying. I can hear everything you're saying. I think she's getting for seventy dollars. She's fucking crazy. She could blow me. First. Hold on, hello, I'm that's attractive. Now, that's pretly professional. And attractive? What is what are you? What are you talking about? Everything that you said? Use the C word the what is wrong with you? Listen, Grandma, I'm trying to clean this mess up, and all you're doing is up. Excuse me, I'm trying to clean this mess up. I'm gonna talk. So I'm gonna call the police department, and I have twenties plans of the police department. I'm also going to call my lawyer. And I have an ear defection today. Time really sucks. So how come you have any ear infection? You hear every word I say. I I do have other ear convenient You're using all kinds of lad would you're telling me that my contract, which was already done a year ago, it is not gonna be honored and we're gonna have dessert to the freaking bathroom. You know that's not a bad idea. I stuck to the year at a time. And it's not a first ledge, sit down ring, of course, not because you've been married three or four times. Ready at this age you anything. I have not been married three or four times. I was talking now at one time for a lot of years, May I asked you everything? All was that I got to do with the piston cheese? And why did he leave you? I can't imagine, sweetheart like you? Um man, you know what? You know what? You know? What? What are we doing? I want my date, I want my times, I want my food, and I want my liquor. You must be one hell of a leg I gotta tell you. Oh my god, I'm just saying, you're like sixty years all your boobs have to be on the floor by now, and he still wants to marry you. You must be a good light. It's a compliment much harder than anybody, you know, first of all, and now your business. Okay, honey, I'm sure. I'm sure they're up by your chin? Oh god, ill what I simply in this conversation with you, I'm gonna ask you one question. It's gonna seem little strange, but if you see me the question, I'll give you ten dollars off per person. Will you answer your question? Do you shave you a vagina? My god, I'm not. You are an absolutely crazy man. You are crazy that you're supposed to representing a people eat and you're shaving things. What's wrong with you? Can I assume that to know Oh my god, like do women your age do? Oh my god, you're out of your your mind. You are out of you You're You're a complete crazy man. You think I'm not. You are a complete crazy man. Listen. If you're kits are up on your face like you say they are, I don't think it's a bad question to ask you if you shave your vagina? Oh my god? Fine, anal? Do you do? Anal? Woman your age? Are you out of your freaking mind? Women your age do that? I don't know who in my age crop because I reached my hair to cross this phone, and I'll strangle you. I'm gonna put you down as a yes for anal because the way you responded definitely. God Listen, if this guy is married a fifty two year old broad, then you obviously must give up the booty, because otherwise why would it be man? You can get a young girl. That's class. That is my bottom line. I'm trying to ask you about your bottom line, but you want answer me. I want to know my bottom line is was my wedding not to said about what my underhood looks like? For God's sake, I got the accountant just walked in your woman to talk to the accountant. There you what is he gonna what is he gonna ask you? What? For God's sake? Hold on? Hold on, hey, Carlo, listen, I got this one on the phone. She wants to talk to accountant. Yeah. Yeah, she's old and she's getting married. She wants to if I get at the price. By the way, she doesn't shave a vagina. I just asked her. Oh my, wow, wow, I'm in the twilight zone. Maybe we'll lift up her dress. They'll probably be hanging out the bottom. It's so harry. Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure she does, you know, but she wanted a minute. This conversation happening. She's fucking old, but she's got big tits. I'll talk to her. I don't know. Hello, Yeah, what was your name again, Jimmy? I spoke to Carlo. He has to run to the bathroom for a second. You know, you know what, you gotta really learn how to use the phone. You more on because your freaking phone is not on Hold. I'm hearing everything you have to say. Your language is very inappropriate. I said vagina. I didn't say pussy. I said I was trying to. I know, I've lived with the war that top children. Hello, I don't have to have to have a conversation with you. Are your breasts so high there in your ears? You don't hear me? Oh my god, we stopped with the boots. Read my lips. You're out of your mind. I am not getting married in the parking lot, and I'm not having small chafing dishes. Speaking of reading your lips, be honest with me. Do you shave you vagina? You can ask me that one more time. I swear to God, I'm gonna take up that and I'm gonna come find you. Stop it. Yeah, well, you know what, I'm trying to make you feel attractive. I'm trying stay there, but were I feel like a million bucks? Now? You know what? Out of your mind? If you know what? You know who would definitely give me an answer if I asked her your door a lot and would give me an answer. Hi, you know my daughter's name? Hey, sonya, my name is David Brody, And uh, you've been phoned. I am going to you're a freaking mind. This is a joke. Yes, ma'am, I'm gonna I'm gonna kill her. She's I'm invited to my Paddy. Hello, are you crazy? Old lady? I say, I was gonna choke you. O you all? This is, Oh my god, I'm going to kill you. Just kidding, namely, Mother of God? How great was how great was that woman? Now listen, I said some horrific things, but she stayed on the phone with me. She did. She battled back, You are one filthy motherfucker. David Bertie read my lips. You know where we're from. Up with that mouse, Brooklyn, We cantorial whatever. Happy boys, Brooklyn